Wednesday, October 10, 2018

The Spectacle of Drama

It is quite common to see people, men in particular who say "I hate drama". I have heard this also from elderly women. Before I plunge in, let me tell you this, these are the very people who actually love or even crave drama regardless of how dramatic they are.

It has taken me quite a while to understand this to a considerable depth. Now, my understanding need not necessarily correlate with the facts of the psychology textbook, but I find my analysis to work pretty well. But let me start with the positives.

For a very long time, I have been a dramatic person. So much that my paediatrician called me the heir of Shakespeare (no kidding!). I eventually grew up, and I guess I have also grown old. In these years, I have been up to things that involved a lot of monologues with a varied audience. Recently, I realized that I am not bad at public speaking when I was giving suggestions to a friend. But all this did not come in a miraculous moment of stepping on the stage, nor any formal or informal education. My stage was everywhere. I'd be animated and dramatic whether I am talking to my mom or to an audience over 300 people or even while giving a presentation, and worse, even while I am thinking. Well, thinking is a kind of rehearsal, and it needs seriousness in my defence! Especially if you are a teacher. Sit back and recollect the teachers you remember the most with a sense of fondness. Although they can be categorized for your interest in them for their looks, their partiality towards you, and whatever paramets you might set. But the ones who have taught you lessons from and out of the book tend to hold a mighty position in your memory. These teachers are usually the ones who make good use of the stage, the board, emote effectively, have a powerful voice and a striking body language. You just cannot take your eyes off them, and they have your undivided attention! They actually make an impact in your life. The same holds good with people in the cinema/theatre industries. Such people are in a state of constant rehearsal when not in their stage. Many introverts are splendid performers. I, somehow fall in the ambivert category, implying that I get the best and worst of both worlds.

Now, there are people who hate drama. These are people who call themselves too mature for all this. Compare these folks with people who are actually mature. I have been called immature for my sense of drama. I have also made impact in people's lives. Now, people don't like you if you are in a perennial state of performance. Well, some who choose to not like you, won't like you like this. Whereas, I also do remember the random strangers who eventually became good friends thanks to my uninhibited performances in public places.

I actually went in pursuit of understanding this. At one point, I felt that people with no taste for drama are the ones who have a bland life, and no taste in life. I still believe this, and I strongly recommend people reading this to throw back this line at people who say they don't like you being dramatic. They have synonyms for you, drama queen, melodrama queen, dramebaaz and what not. I have heard quite a lot! As a dramebaz, I have also been offended deeply by the detailed hatred thrown at me for what I was.

I asked a friend who happens to hold a degree in child psychology. I was going through quite a turmoil at that phase in my life. I asked him what it meant to be mature, because the so called mature people didn't like me feeling anything at all. He gave me an explanation that put me at ease and actually helped me heal myself. I eventually noticed that really mature don't call themselves mature. Because, d'uh they are, and the language of maturity is action.

Now let me get closer to what causes this phenomenon. It is weakness. Yes, simple plain weakness. If you are weak or find someone who is weak, come to terms with it.

In this state of weakness, one is easily provoked, easily hurt, easily pleased, easily elated. Now, it takes time for these people come to a balance.

Coming to terms with it is a major step in healing and recovery. Although it sounds great that you can be easily pleased and kept happy, you can also fall down and get hurt very bad very easily. If you understand you cannot lift a bag that weighs 1000 kgs, you won't bother picking it up. Similarly if you come to terms with your weakness, you won't bother putting yourself in situations that will damage you. I am not recommending you to be a pessimist and not do anything at all because of this weakness. Remember, I call it weakness and not disability. I have also been called mature in quite a few aspects of life. I have had the good fortune of witnessing mature people. They do go through ups and downs, they do enjoy life, they do get happy. But they don't need someone else to make them happy. They allow all the good and bad of life to pass through them with same ease. It is their ability to handle the ups and downs and not get overwhelmed as much as a weak person would.

If I have found the cause, have I found the solution? Being a weak person myself, I cannot give a solution, but only make assumptions. I do believe that you will find ways to overcome this weakness by taking help of stronger people. If you don't have access to stronger people, you could meditate. Or, you could challenge your weakness bit by bit to become stronger by the day and eventually a strong person. There are also several self help books. But don't just stick to books. Go out and put yourself there, because your weakness is also your strength. You can impact several lives! 

Saturday, April 7, 2018

The Bride on Wheels

Sipping on some ginger tea, I find myself recollecting the last time I had ginger tea. It suddenly dawned on me that I have not told this story, and it is worth being told and heard. 

I had quite a depressing start to the year 2018, and I was desperately searching for some hope.

Somewhere in the meantime, I received the wedding invitation of Supriya, my friend from college. The wedding was supposed to happen in Gurvayur.

I jumped at the idea of going to Gurvayur to attend her wedding. The idea of travelling, Gurvayur, meeting her, and attending her wedding equally played parts in bringing up my enthusiasm. 

So I booked flight tickets to and from Coimbatore and planned on continuing the journey by bus. Just before I left Hyderabad, I had managed to put my vocal cords to task by using them over-time. As a result, I had a bad throat and was not able to talk. On the day I left Hyderabad, I noticed my nose bleeding due to the heat and rupture of the blood vessels as a result of constant sneezing and coughing. 

Anyways, I was all set to go, and I went! I landed well in Coimbatore and found my way to the connecting bus to Kerala. By the time I reached Kerala, I was completely sick. On my arrival in Gurvayur, I looked awful. So much that Supriya was feeling quite upset seeing me. When I told her that all I want is some water, she looked at me with a helpless expression on her face and said "But you will get only hot water here" She was quickly trying to figure out a way to get me water or a beverage that was not hot. 

Now here is a little background... When I was in college, I consumed several gallons of fizzy drinks straight from the fridge. It has never been my style to appreciate hot or warm beverages of any sort. And I have always liked cold edible things, and cold environments(strictly physical and not metaphoric by any means) to be in.  

Much to her surprise, I thanked her profusely. She had not known that I started realizing the benefits of hot water regardless of my general dislike. I asked her if she could get me some hot water with local herbs. She made me feel like I was asking someone in Alaska if they would be willing to sell me some snow. 

Anyways, as I reached the hotel, I drank a decent quantity of hot water that she brought. I took some medicines because I really knew how bad I was and everyone around me was feeling sick just by the virtue of seeing me. She took me to the temple because I asked her to. We got ready in a jiffy, but she took me to the temple on a casual walk. I did not go for the standard rush that we are usually put on while on pilgrimage. She helped me get some exclusive temple visit because I am her friend. There was a time, I actually rested on her shoulders. We then went to have dinner, where I was a party pooper by only having curd rice and lots of local herb hot water. By the time dinner was over, I was already feeling better. 

We went back to the hotel, and she had given me a room. I was fast asleep. The next day was a very relaxed wedding ceremony. It was a very beautiful wedding. Her cousins were taking care of me the previous day and on the wedding day. Many more people had joined in on the D-day, and it was lovely being in the company of such positive and kind people. I tried to not get too close to her around the wedding time worrying about the bridezilla mode that every girl is usually on. But it so happened that she was cool with others being around, and she was being on her own. She did not expect anything from anyone, and on the contrary was very helpful to her guests. I was greatly surprised by this. I was literally speechless, had my jaws dropping and did not blink for several seconds. She casually called herself "Bride on Wheels" when she was gliding through the room to fetch something that she needed to get ready.

It is very rare that we find a bride who doesn't make a fuss about everything. And exceptionally rare if she doesn't lose her wits. Oh, by the way, there was a major strike that day with no transportation facility that disrupted the travel plans of some of the guests. Like any event, there were a lot of times that tested her patience. She passed all those tests very well with poise and grace. 

If I ever get to be a bride, I would like to be a Bride on Wheels instead of a bridezilla. 

And, most important, I returned home in perfectly good health. 

I am now having the same tea that she got me to treat my condition as I write this post reminiscing the quality vacation I had in a short duration on her wedding. 

I wish Supriya a very long and happy married life.