The day began well today. I was pretty much looking forward to seeing positive things in future that i totally forgot that its mother's day today till i got sms from friends asking me to wish my mother. (what could make it get worse?)
I had been trying to expect the best - Prepare for the worst - Capitalize on what comes and make an honest effort to improve on yesterday that i totally forgot about today. Besides working on my projects, i had some more priorities to finish. By the time i could finish them, it was afternoon and i was exhausted. It so happened that today me and my mother had a historic fight. We never fought like this before (psst.. we fight normally like any mother and daughter would. but this time it went a little overboard. There have been times where people have asked us "u both NEVER fight is it?" and we silently smile at each other)
Then, i began to think about the opinion i have about my mother-
A taunter to make me rebelliously succeed, and an unconditional lover to keep me on hold within normal limits.
Its her taunts that makes me rebellious and successful- so she aint no enemy- even if she is i need her.
And of all things, i dont want her to change.
At the end of everything, i asked myself "is this what it means to love"
Finally i cooled the situation by getting her an ice cream after a hot day.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
The Bold Dreamer
Its my independence day!!! how? my exams are Finally over :P
well it has always been such that i get so tired to even implement any few of the million things i think to do.
But this time i have really beatiful dreams- dreams ive never dared to dream.
may be i ve now dared because i am a grown up- a matter of fact arises within me "i am responsible of my own well being"
I have never been deprived of any freedom practically by my mother- but perhaps this freedom which i expect to get is like some liberation- a liberation as per me is a beautiful mix of happiness and freedon- that is doing things i like AND liking things i do. today is the first holiday, and i ve done one top priority yesterday already.
The best thing that i like about this new milestone is that i ve not noted down things that i want to do- allthough the number of things are even more this time. but they are all well registered in my mind. i ve never felt this happy that my dreams become my decisions.
I intend to achieve things that the superlative me might not be able to. (i compare myself to a superlative me- because i dont like being compared to someone else. comparing self to others and achieving that makes a person a "wannabe")
One of my main mission is to start singing again- something i abandoned long back. (presently singing ae aerthein aashiqui- Guru)
Coming to movies- i ve never seen more than one movie a year in a theatre because my mother never likes that atmosphere. it dint bother me much since i realized that she has her own rights to have her own likes and dislikes. and i ve not bothered much because i was always on an impression that its a waste of time. but some movies have proved that wrong. some movies have really insipred me. One such movie which i am taking as an inspiration and running ahead is Guru- by Mani Rathnam. The movie was released somehere in 2006, and i ve seen that in 2010- better late than never. (speaking about movies, i ve otherwise seen movies to understand the jargons of chennai folks- coz their talks are all based on movie dialogues! and it has been tough for me to actually get the context of their copy pasted sentences)
my interest in dreaming and to work to get it right comes from there.
I have a big project in hand that i am working on- for which i have to do further projects to get it right. Its a tough task, but a bold dream that make a beautiful reality.
Never trust anything, but just observe the wa things are going to get the hold. Just following that , i get to hear the song "i have a dream" by ABBA.
A note to people who want to start dreaming big- a small note- dream big,, but make sure it makes sense to you, then to everyone around you. You have a right to dream and a responsibility to see it works well.
Happy Dreaming to my readers, and wish you good luck
well it has always been such that i get so tired to even implement any few of the million things i think to do.
But this time i have really beatiful dreams- dreams ive never dared to dream.
may be i ve now dared because i am a grown up- a matter of fact arises within me "i am responsible of my own well being"
I have never been deprived of any freedom practically by my mother- but perhaps this freedom which i expect to get is like some liberation- a liberation as per me is a beautiful mix of happiness and freedon- that is doing things i like AND liking things i do. today is the first holiday, and i ve done one top priority yesterday already.
The best thing that i like about this new milestone is that i ve not noted down things that i want to do- allthough the number of things are even more this time. but they are all well registered in my mind. i ve never felt this happy that my dreams become my decisions.
I intend to achieve things that the superlative me might not be able to. (i compare myself to a superlative me- because i dont like being compared to someone else. comparing self to others and achieving that makes a person a "wannabe")
One of my main mission is to start singing again- something i abandoned long back. (presently singing ae aerthein aashiqui- Guru)
Coming to movies- i ve never seen more than one movie a year in a theatre because my mother never likes that atmosphere. it dint bother me much since i realized that she has her own rights to have her own likes and dislikes. and i ve not bothered much because i was always on an impression that its a waste of time. but some movies have proved that wrong. some movies have really insipred me. One such movie which i am taking as an inspiration and running ahead is Guru- by Mani Rathnam. The movie was released somehere in 2006, and i ve seen that in 2010- better late than never. (speaking about movies, i ve otherwise seen movies to understand the jargons of chennai folks- coz their talks are all based on movie dialogues! and it has been tough for me to actually get the context of their copy pasted sentences)
my interest in dreaming and to work to get it right comes from there.
I have a big project in hand that i am working on- for which i have to do further projects to get it right. Its a tough task, but a bold dream that make a beautiful reality.
Never trust anything, but just observe the wa things are going to get the hold. Just following that , i get to hear the song "i have a dream" by ABBA.
A note to people who want to start dreaming big- a small note- dream big,, but make sure it makes sense to you, then to everyone around you. You have a right to dream and a responsibility to see it works well.
Happy Dreaming to my readers, and wish you good luck
Friday, April 2, 2010
exams
here i am in the month of april where one should find me busy studying rather finds me blogging and browsing the net.
Why am i doing so? because my exams are postponed.
heres what happens...
i am first of all irritated that my exams start on the 31st of march and end on the 4th of may. and i m all the more engrossed about studying coz i want to get rid off it SOMEHOW and meanwhile daydreaming that in about 24 hours i would be relieved of one paper. then i get thoroughly bored, and like to do some reading from the net, i come online and first sign into facebook as a general habit to find everyones status message "exams postponed to the 7th of april"
i surely did not want to take this coz this happened on the 30th of march and dint want to go through an april fool...
i spoke to quite a few people who assured me that the news is not fake...then i did my duty of conveying the message to people about it- by then everyone had known it pretty well.
again in the evening, i got scared- i called up about 4 people and asked "are u sure that the university ot the city is not playing some april fools prank?"
heres what i thought it might be
- exam on the 31, and we all dont go the centre thinking there ll be no exams, and on the 1st when we read the papers we realise that we are the fools...
but well, it was not a prank. i m neither happy nor sad, but irritated... i just wish that the rumour of it getting postponed again doesnt come true.
well.... what would have happened if it really WAS a prank????
- april 1st would ve been the doomsday for a million people..
Thursday, February 25, 2010
25 random things reloaded
I cant believe there are at least 25 things that have changed in me. hence writing down those things that have changed.
1 Biotech sucks. Big time. Cant believe that I loved it so much from childhood.
2 I no longer believe in remembering people I forgive. Theres no point u see. My memory space can be used up for better things to come ahead in life
3 the philosophical side of me is crazily living an awesome life.
4 my mind speaks totally different things now.
5 I m not interested in tagging anyone along with this. Coz at this time, I m no ways interested in knowing even 2 facts about anyone. It doesn’t matter.
6 coming online is such a waste of time. Life is calling. Gotta live out, and social networking sites suck the time out of my life.
7 books are heavenly. Not a moment could be called a waste of time, when I am with a book.
8 most important thing, art forms of dance, music and photography are attracting me way too much.
9 seriously decided that studying is way far better than attending an interview for a job that has nothing to do with my educational background.
10 the sole reason u d find me reading things related to life science is because I want to get rid off it as soon as I can.
11 I ve started believing in savings. Although quite a lot of disasters have happened, saving is good. Although it needs some sense and care.
12. although I haven’t saved up something great at the end of the day, I can at least have some courage to get myself some things…… (don't want to mention more stuff here now)
13 I no longer believe in speaking up to people. Not even my best friend, I d like to listen than do the talking
14 I miss the talkative me at times though.
15 I ve been feeling nostalgic, and regretting for things that I ve abandoned in my past.
16 I WILL sing. No matter who is around me, I will sing. I ve resumed singing, and it has something to do with my past again.
17 I WILL dance. No matter how I look. Many people I know like me dancing. I like do dance myself too. So why the hell hesitate?
18 my apetite is as low as ever. Perhaps its now a little less than bird feed.
19 my interest in cooking is not the same as it was. I cook very rarely now. I find better things to do in life. Now that I feel I ve mastered cooking, I want to concentrate on other things in life.
20 my passion to travel is on an all time high.
21 I regretted that I m jobless. But now I m happy I m not placed in a company where I d work on thing which will take me nowhere even after 5 years.
22 I agree that I am independent, but reality of life is that we are all interdependent. I ve realized that
23 opportunities come rarely, and when u get one, use it to ur best.
24 I don't believe in giving excuses for anything. neither do i like to accept them.
25 get busy living or get busy dying. and i m not born to die.
Sheesh!!!!I HAVE changed. Changed a lot since the time I first wrote 25 random things about me.
1 Biotech sucks. Big time. Cant believe that I loved it so much from childhood.
2 I no longer believe in remembering people I forgive. Theres no point u see. My memory space can be used up for better things to come ahead in life
3 the philosophical side of me is crazily living an awesome life.
4 my mind speaks totally different things now.
5 I m not interested in tagging anyone along with this. Coz at this time, I m no ways interested in knowing even 2 facts about anyone. It doesn’t matter.
6 coming online is such a waste of time. Life is calling. Gotta live out, and social networking sites suck the time out of my life.
7 books are heavenly. Not a moment could be called a waste of time, when I am with a book.
8 most important thing, art forms of dance, music and photography are attracting me way too much.
9 seriously decided that studying is way far better than attending an interview for a job that has nothing to do with my educational background.
10 the sole reason u d find me reading things related to life science is because I want to get rid off it as soon as I can.
11 I ve started believing in savings. Although quite a lot of disasters have happened, saving is good. Although it needs some sense and care.
12. although I haven’t saved up something great at the end of the day, I can at least have some courage to get myself some things…… (don't want to mention more stuff here now)
13 I no longer believe in speaking up to people. Not even my best friend, I d like to listen than do the talking
14 I miss the talkative me at times though.
15 I ve been feeling nostalgic, and regretting for things that I ve abandoned in my past.
16 I WILL sing. No matter who is around me, I will sing. I ve resumed singing, and it has something to do with my past again.
17 I WILL dance. No matter how I look. Many people I know like me dancing. I like do dance myself too. So why the hell hesitate?
18 my apetite is as low as ever. Perhaps its now a little less than bird feed.
19 my interest in cooking is not the same as it was. I cook very rarely now. I find better things to do in life. Now that I feel I ve mastered cooking, I want to concentrate on other things in life.
20 my passion to travel is on an all time high.
21 I regretted that I m jobless. But now I m happy I m not placed in a company where I d work on thing which will take me nowhere even after 5 years.
22 I agree that I am independent, but reality of life is that we are all interdependent. I ve realized that
23 opportunities come rarely, and when u get one, use it to ur best.
24 I don't believe in giving excuses for anything. neither do i like to accept them.
25 get busy living or get busy dying. and i m not born to die.
Sheesh!!!!I HAVE changed. Changed a lot since the time I first wrote 25 random things about me.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
My mind again
A female i know is walking in front of me and says to my friend "i ve hated your group so much. you ve troubled me a lot!"
I say "OH! the feeling has been so very mutual!"
after about 5 minutes, she turns back and comes to hit me"did u just say that the feeling has been mutual?"
"did i just say it so loud that i ve been heard?" (feeling exactly like chandler bing)
now me and my mind voice
me: see she dint realise it was me who said it for about 5 minutes. should i have just said that and walked away? how would it have been?
mind: hit and run!
I say "OH! the feeling has been so very mutual!"
after about 5 minutes, she turns back and comes to hit me"did u just say that the feeling has been mutual?"
"did i just say it so loud that i ve been heard?" (feeling exactly like chandler bing)
now me and my mind voice
me: see she dint realise it was me who said it for about 5 minutes. should i have just said that and walked away? how would it have been?
mind: hit and run!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
The Second Boot :P
For about 3 days my mom has been facing some kind of problem, where I am acting as her receptionist. Every phone call, she reminds me what I m supposed to say. This reminds me of a story that my father told me when I was a kid. Well not to me directly, he was telling my brother in front of me. In this story we have 2 characters living in two floors of an apartment. The one residing on the first floor is a drunkard, and returns home late. He throws his shoes so hard that it wakes the guy in the ground floor. One fine day this ground floor resident goes up to him and yells at him really bad. The next day, this man realizes the repercussion after throwing the first boot, but the next day, he faces it yet. “You *&^%^, you kept me on a hold all night, I couldn’t have a peaceful sleep not knowing when you would throw the second boot, and let me sleep.”Many a times, we keep ourselves hooked into a situation not knowing when the second boot would be thrown, which would have been safely placed in some corner. Oh yes, anyone of you concerned as to how my mother is now, here is my answer: With my help, the second boot has been placed in its place and she knows it :P
Saturday, January 2, 2010
New Year Thoughts
2010! It’s the very first month, and the first new thinking of the year. I have been thinking of quite a few abstracts that I could define now. For most of these things take their definitions only by the way one perceives it. And the one looks at it, depends on how much they feel it means to them in their life. Here we go 10 abstracts that I define for the year.
1 Trust: the dirtiest abstract that u can lend on to someone. For trust, is the basic thing that you need to tell someone for them to cheat/ betray you.
2 Hope: not very enthusiastic about this. I have lost hopes in many things, but some parts of it still dwell in me. Thanks to Shaw shank Redemption, after I saw that movie, the way that line was delivered, well, may be I might try hoping for things. At least to get away from things if not get what I want. Let’s see how this works its way out.
3 Desire/ Ambition: desire is not meant to be thought over anytime after thinking of it the first time. Ambition is never to be forgotten from the first moment.
4 Love: a victorious feeling when the external wins over the narcissist. (Hasn’t happened yet.) and it will happen when you least expect it.
5 Sorrow: part of life. Learn from it or forget it. Don’t bother or let it bother you. It does its work of hurting you, once done, forget it, kick it hard and go on.
6 Decisions: make your own decisions for opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. Ultimately you are the one who is going to live with any decision made on some opinion. You don't just have a free will to make your decisions, but you also have a responsibility on yourself while making them
7 Dreams: a perfect time sucker. But yes, worth wasting time on it. It is at least better than wasting time on online social networking sites or pests. On a serious note, I believe that I have all the right to dream and should have the sense of not expecting everything to come true the way I want it.
8 Future: reminds me of what my preceptor taught me “we have forgotten out past, we are unaware of the future, lets live the present the way its is meant to be.” Besides some precise and short time planning, don't brood on it and waste your present.
9 Pleasure: pleasure is when I don't feel the anguish of sorrow, or get disturbed by anything that is not true. This is perhaps the New Year’s resolution.
10 Success: I read a line sometime before “It’s not a miracle to walk on a flowing stream of water or thin air, but walking well on the solid earth the way you have to is the real miracle” walking on the solid earth, balanced and poised, being independent without relying on anyone for anything is what I consider success to me.
1 Trust: the dirtiest abstract that u can lend on to someone. For trust, is the basic thing that you need to tell someone for them to cheat/ betray you.
2 Hope: not very enthusiastic about this. I have lost hopes in many things, but some parts of it still dwell in me. Thanks to Shaw shank Redemption, after I saw that movie, the way that line was delivered, well, may be I might try hoping for things. At least to get away from things if not get what I want. Let’s see how this works its way out.
3 Desire/ Ambition: desire is not meant to be thought over anytime after thinking of it the first time. Ambition is never to be forgotten from the first moment.
4 Love: a victorious feeling when the external wins over the narcissist. (Hasn’t happened yet.) and it will happen when you least expect it.
5 Sorrow: part of life. Learn from it or forget it. Don’t bother or let it bother you. It does its work of hurting you, once done, forget it, kick it hard and go on.
6 Decisions: make your own decisions for opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. Ultimately you are the one who is going to live with any decision made on some opinion. You don't just have a free will to make your decisions, but you also have a responsibility on yourself while making them
7 Dreams: a perfect time sucker. But yes, worth wasting time on it. It is at least better than wasting time on online social networking sites or pests. On a serious note, I believe that I have all the right to dream and should have the sense of not expecting everything to come true the way I want it.
8 Future: reminds me of what my preceptor taught me “we have forgotten out past, we are unaware of the future, lets live the present the way its is meant to be.” Besides some precise and short time planning, don't brood on it and waste your present.
9 Pleasure: pleasure is when I don't feel the anguish of sorrow, or get disturbed by anything that is not true. This is perhaps the New Year’s resolution.
10 Success: I read a line sometime before “It’s not a miracle to walk on a flowing stream of water or thin air, but walking well on the solid earth the way you have to is the real miracle” walking on the solid earth, balanced and poised, being independent without relying on anyone for anything is what I consider success to me.
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