The ado thinks again

Just like every adolescent (yeah.. no longer a teenager, yet an ado. concepts suck), i ve been wanting to get out, and find "freedom". yet, oh what a lazy bum i am (yet to upload the post i had written two days back!)
But anyways, life/world doesn't stop or take a break or chill coz i am doing either one or all of them.

Having lamented the fact that i had been jobless, or facing several problems, i was advised, and motivated to face it, and give it a try.
Well i did what i was asked to do. I faced it, gave it a try, and felt like a queen seeing the results(oh speaking of results, i have finished B1. felicitez- moi :P ). Giving it a try, i decided i could try making an attempt to move out of the city and start a whole new professional life.So i tried my luck in different cities. and realized something just yesterday.
so here is what happened: i went to the hi tech city . i ve always loved going there and i never miss a chance to get there. its a part of the city which is well developed and vivante (uh.. i think it is vivacious in English) of all the things for one to like the place. I m now not bothered about how cultural it is. Its a corporate world and it explains a lot. I had something to do there, and had to find my way to get a bus to reach home. in order to do that, i walked for a few kilometers (all this happened coz i had the mood, and the place is really good for a walk)
all my way back, i was wondering, what is not here that i have to run elsewhere in a search? As of now, i seem contended with what is available in Hyderabad and the need to run away is not as much as it was. Nevertheless, i would not mind experiencing new hi tech cities later in life :P

Here is a french saying which goes so well to what i m going through now: Liberté n'existe pas, independence quelque fois, solitude toujours! 

Inge Brahmanan

I have earlier written here "enge Brahmanan" (Where is the brahmin), and today i write "Inge Brahmanan" (Heres the brahmin).
I am elated to present Sri Vittaldas, an aspiring brahmin who wished to build a temple for the lord he worships.
Although i dont know much about him, there are some interesting and inspiring aspects of this person. This person is a brahmin, and collects funds to build the temple. To do this within the rules laid by brahminism, he collects funds by performing bhajans throught the country. He has never gone out of the country. He says that although he could potentially earn lots more than what he can within the country, he has decided not to step out in order to maintain the integrity of his ancestors. And adhering to so many such rules, he has collected funds to build a massive temple for his God. He had visited Hyderabad for a whole week to collect funds to finish the construction. The temple is at govindapuram, Kumbakonam district, and is bigger than the actual Vittal Temple in Pandarpur. He has been singing bhajans making us feel relaxed and energized throught the week, and doing some preaching in the most hilarious way possible.
Yesterday, (UNFORTUNATELY) the bhajans were amazing, and i missed it. the first day of the bhajan, i stopped clapping when my palms started aching, the next day, i stopped after my forearms started aching, the next day when my entire arm started aching, and then, i did not stop clapping even if it hurt me. As a matter of fact, i enjoyed it when i was clapping so hard. Yesterday it went so ecstatic that the musicians were also enthusiastic that the tabla tore.
And he has been doing all this in hyderabad inspite of ill health.
This man maintains the essence of brahminism and yet keeps himself updated of modern developments and employing them ideally in life.
I am proud to be a brahmin, and proud to say that the ideal brahmin lives even in the Kalyuga.

What does the dad of a 3 year old do?

I see many things a day that interest me. Some are just so beautiful / amazing that I d like to write in the blog. But about 90% of the times, I am distracted by some annoying forces. And only 1 % of the things make it to the blog.

Today is one such day. I’ve been horribly disturbed. In fact this disturbance has been there since last night which did not end very well today.

Now, I’ve decided, that I will be the one who d put the actual end, I also decided that I shall not let be impedance in not letting me put this interesting thing here.

I came across an article which says that children say “my father goes to office” not knowing what exactly the man does. Very small kids sure do that, but the older ones saying that is sad and rather alarming as to where the society is going!

But by the end of it, I was reminded as to what I knew about my dad and how I could tell about his work.

When I was a really young kid, my dad was a successful industrialist. So he would go to the office to handle the administration and to the factory to handle the manufacture. Every Thursday the laborers were given their weekly off in the factory (and Thursday was a day in my school where we did not have homework. This was till class 7 or 8. So I loved Thursdays all the more)

So I had another place to tell people. I d tell “my dad goes to office and factory, What about yours?” and people used to follow up with my parents on that for further clarification. Then at one time, my mom decided to enlighten me about what exactly my dad does. So in her story she told even about what the “often seen” staff did. [This all happened when I was somewhere around 3 or 4 years] The story ended with “so after doing all these things (of which I understood NOTHING), daddy gets money to buy you things from the shop.” [I must give her the due credits, that this story of hers helped me understand the circular flow of money in economics, macro and micro economics well even before it was a part of my syllabus when I started growing]

Then on, whenever anyone asked me as to what my father did, I started telling “he makes money”

If I heard any kid saying that today, I d appreciate that kid, as money is THE thing for which one works. But the sad thing was that, people reported this to my parents appreciating me, and it rang their bells. They thought that if this continued, people would think he was a manufacturer or fake notes or gets money by forming some mafia gang secretly. Apparently there were some scams of that sort happening, and they didn’t want to get in trouble for not doing it.

I can never forget that night. I was put between both my parents in the bed, and the whole night, I was not allowed to sleep, but was bombarded with lessons, that I shouldn’t tell things of that sort coz some nasty folks would think of it otherwise. This lecture followed with another teaching me how to actually respond to such questions. This continued till I got into the auto where I was again asked “what would you tell if someone asked you this?”

Asking a 3 or 4 year old sound odd to me, and I m not very happy about this habit of the elders. Asking family details to kids is really dangerous.  More than that I would say it is something of a criminal motive to encash the fact that a child is excited to talk out what it sees at home, and learns from places, and it hasn’t yet learnt how to lie.

The Kite Runner

This is surely inspired by the book of Khaled Hosseini vaguely. But i wanted to write on this on seeing the way things have changed over the years.

When we were kids, Sankranti  was an event where all cousins would meet up. Seeing each other and flying kites were the only things which made us anticipate it for a whole year. Cracker session for diwali was a formality but not something that we used to do together every year. The food would have "sakra pongal" which the entire crowd of my generation unanimously detest and we d sit having lunch hoping we had something else to eat. Dinner would generally be good. But everyone would be so engrossed with flying kites all day and night.

The entire family loved flying kites. The elders had their head to lead the flying kites, we had one too. Me and another cousin, being the youngest of the lot were generally kite runners. I dont remember launching a kite and let it rise high, but i always loved cheering the elders and shouting out "AFFFAAA".

Its been a few years since we flew kites or even met. Everyone is engrossed in their own work. Work makes people boring themselves, and they even forget things that give them pleasure.

Last year when we met, everyone were talking about those nostalgic moments when we d enjoy flying kites, making manja,  criticizing the menu for the lunch, but enjoying the dinner, and having great fun by organizing some games instantaneously. And that time, we were just talking about it and not doing anything. Everyone went back saying " i have work tomorrrow", i went back saying " i have college tomorrow". Nobody made an attempt to stay back. If there were atleast one person who wanted to live that moment again, we could have. But no one did even though we were offered an extra ransom pay if we flew kites. I mean how depressing we become on growing up, that we dont want to enjoy ourselves even if we are paid for it. Morose isnt it?
So.. neither the ones of my generation, nor the elders went anywhere near the stairs to venture to even see any kites. It was further annoying that the number of kites in the sky were lesser than there were when i was a kid. 

So.. This year, i decided to fly kites with friends. I learnt that all my friends were enthusiastic about flying kites.  Since i wanted to have a promotion from kite running to actual flying, i thought i d learn from them, and surprisingly none of them know to fly kites either!
 
Heres a copy paste of what one of my friend wrote on his facebook. :

#17mm aerodynamically designed maxi kites-check!
#70 gitty Old city glass coated razor sharp extra tensile fiber paakeza manja-check!
#Corosion free steel Charka with an almost infinite moment of inertia-check!
#Super energetic kids to hold the charka, cheer & scream so loud tht it grabs all the attenntion of the chics & their frens in ...the nxt building-check!
Now somebody teach me who to fly tht fckin kite:P

But honestly, if those days come back, or new beautiful days come, i d love to be the kite runner if not fly them.

People

Following a nasty event in the month of december with a wannabe american who really messed up with me, I had people messing up my sankranti which seems to show some effect throughout the year which promises to take some devastating steps.

I then decided to classify people in various categories and found maximum entries in the following:

1. I better stay away from you
2. I dont care anymore
3. I hate you.

Well... these are not the ONLY categories.. there are also categories like
Adorable, Respectable, Worth remembering, Entertaining etc.

Life is showing me things!  

The New Christmas

Its been ages since i felt like this, and i am happy to write it down and share it.

It has been some sort of a co- incidence that most of my friends on facebook felt like they ve been " missing their own self" at the same time when i was feeling so.
One starts to grow up after school, and (s)he grows up in so many different ways, sometimes missing a part of oneself that defines the core. I had been feeling that quite a lot although i was very happy to welcome a lot of drastic changes in life.
The best thing that could happen would be to strike a right balance between the change and the constant "actual" self. I believe it is one of the toughest things to balance.
To balance anything, you need to touch the two extremes to know the mid point.
I am happy i touched extremes. But when you touch any extreme, it is tough for you to turn back.
It was in the beginning of December when i had met an official who is about 10 years senior to me, and had a conversation with him. I was confident enough to answer him anything he had asked me. I think the fact that my conversation with him would not do any great harm to my career gave me the confidence to speak bold (although i m glad it did some good). i enjoyed the whole day for having made him feel dumb with my answers, and he was short of questions. A narcissist i am who likes to make people shut up with my wits. Its a main reason i like to read, and know most of the things no matter how odd it is in the name of "general knowledge". And i do just everything possible to update my "general knowledge", and believe me, i ve been tagged by my best friend that i have a perseverance that knows no limits!
A few days later, i happened to talk to a friend who is only 2 years senior to me. Once i started answering, he asked me more and more questions. It was not many questions till i felt that i need to think further. i felt damn horrible that i could not answer a person who is just 2 years senior than me, when i could comfortably make a person 10 years senior speechless. He then reminded me of an age old technique that i used to follow to achieve whatever i have. It was a technique i followed well, and even taught it to about 100 people to make a difference in their life, and eventually in due course of time, i stopped practicing it.
That night i did not sleep, and worked on it. For about a week, i was immersed into an introspection.
Finally, i broke out of it two days back, and began working on the tasks that i had decided.
I landed giving myself a wonderful Christmas Gift. Here are the results of working out with that technique:
1. I no longer "miss" myself. i came back with a bang! :D :P
2. I could come to the center to be able to balance some odd extremes.
3. I started working on issues that are really pending, my priorities, and the rest. (don't ask what all they are, for its awfully lengthy to write down here in this space. so save yourself :P )
4. I decided that i shall not miss my dad, this Christmas i did everything that i would perhaps do if my dad were alive today.
I did not cut a whole KG of cake and decorate my house. But i lived up to the actual Christmas spirit.
My cook had bought some cake for me as he knows that Christmas is uniquely special to me and dad would have made sure that there is cake for Christmas.
I saw my dad in the cake that we all had together.
I was into sharing and giving things like how dad likes it.
I remember reading in one of my friend's status message that one doesn't have to wait for Christmas to learn to share/ give things. My dad sure was a person who believed that, although he had his own way of putting it to me. But i had to wait for Christmas to remind myself of dad, and i am glad about it.
I got in to do something that he really missed doing. Something that he would love to do if he were alive. and i took up doing it as a grown up. If he were alive today, he would be so happy to see me doing what he dreamt. What i did is a beautiful secret between us, and he d love to see me keep up the friendship even after his death.

There are a lot of people who have lost either of their parents in their life, and it sure is a scar no doubt, worse is that it gives a feeling of being "shattered" among the family members who are still alive. It has take me 11 years to realize that my father can still live. Its our thoughts and love that makes them continue to live.
I ve felt him alive in my Christmas today, and hope to see him in every festival to come in future.
It felt like he had taken along with him a part of our lives when he died, but today i feel that he has left some part of his life for us to live with.
I live in his dreams, his hopes, his ambitions, and of all things, his friendship and look forward to find him in many more things in life. It would surely be nice to have him here to celebrate the joy together, but it is not so horrible to cry in his physical absence.

Somewhere in ether, i believe his soul is wandering and my love would surely touch him and tell him that i d always be proud of being his daughter-friend. Merry Christmas appa! 

Au revoir 2010

It has indeed been long since i wrote anything here, and before the year ends, i felt i better make a post

2010- damn i cant believe a whole year has passed by! i m still surprised by that. but life goes on, so i m ready for 2011

I dont remember how things were during jan, feb or march. all i can gather is that i tried hard to get over the T vacation that we had and made a really hard effort to have the text books open (dont ask me how much i read nor my marks) a part of the "not so happy" part of my life began when april started. continued for quite sometime, retrospecting back, i m glad that whatever happened, happened for good.  Graduated this year- threw away all the science books from my life and changed my track to get into Arts.
june and july were horrible. august was ok. i was atleast not that ill like the other times, so thats the best gift life has given me.
the only notable thing the whole year has been french. i started my french classes as soon as my exams got over. i started my course in the alliance francaise from the second level in the month of may- june.
since then, french has been the love of my life. for whatever reasons which only my dairy knows, i sincerely love it and i doubt if i d love the man of my life the way i love the language.
there is nothing without obstacles- august- september was really bad at french.. i felt i m gonna stop it at that level. but my determination to stick to it was worth. september- october- november: i dont know when it passed by! december was amazing. i really felt like what i wanted to.
There have been a LOT of changes in the second half of the year, a makeover that i expected has taken place, although the makeover in my physical appearance seems to take more time, a beautiful start has happened.
Its year end, and i am back to the hyperness which i once had and forgot about them after the stressful times i had till july. i really wish i get back here next december really chirpy.

last december was pretty philosophical (philosophy is no less this year, just that i m too lazy to write them down here. but damn all my 6 senses are charged with philosophy!)
and yes my rule of NEVER trusting anyone seems to be the "default" instruction for my life. no matter who it is, i shant trust for trust is THE thing you need for betrayal.
and thoughts for the year that i would like to leave here for me to see whenever i d want to:
1 Wannabes:  never encourage them. they ll suck just everything out of you.
2 Discussing opinions: never let anyone know about your opinions- for they are your own (er.. i guess i said the same thing last year giving it an analogy with assholes. damn! why is it that i m having to write it again?)
3 Talks: being talkative is not at all an advantage, no matter who the person is with whom you are having your conversation
4 Life: there is just one life to live, and live it without any regrets. Neither regrets nor guilt.
5 Money: a damn bloody necessary evil. you cannot live nor die without it
6 Work: a place where hypocrites are called diplomats.
7 Thoughts: the philosophical thing that i learnt "pass not any judgment". (dreaming is good. very good infact :P )
8 Singing and dancing: the best ways to love yourself better. i feel that it adds on the romance when you are an artist.
9 Redemption: with about 100% proof, i declare that the "quit india movement" is the real redemption.
10 Where am i going?: wherever life takes me!