I Don't Know Why the Kolaveri

Yet another post today that adds to the insignificance in our lives.
The last week has been weird. I have had all possible things happening to me. And nowadays, I get scared of Fridays because weekends are disasters. Nothing mine worth writing here, so I am going to write about what happened to a friend of mine, and in which direction I began thinking.

This friend of mine to whom I spoke when I much needed to, happened to tell me a story of his own which was actually painful. He has been fighting depression for a reason of his own(no points for guessing that it was provoked by a girl)

After this conversation, I logged in to facebook, and as usual the home page was filled with notifications of friends sharing pathetically insignificant photos. One of which, I found appropriate to his situation.

Unfortunate Reality 

 

 

Yes, strange things have happened to him, worse than what you see in the picture above. But I would have never felt sad for a guy if he were not my friend(not a close friend like this one). I would have just said "Serves all the guys right! " and keep going with my life.
Finding a soul mate or even searching your own soul for that matter is a freaky thing. (After my attempt to search my own soul, I preferred to tell myself that "ignorance is bliss" is the heights of enlightenment.)

These are things to do only if you are really tough with yourself or old enough to see the unexpected. And having such guts is next to impossible.
But for many people who think that a Prince/Princess would come to the rescue, life is only going to be an endless wait. Get out and save yourself, at least don't put yourself into trouble. Getting over an emotional situation is never pleasant whether you are a man or a woman. The more practical and principled you are in life, the lesser are the chances that you might get into trouble. If you let emotions take the lead, it is going to ruin you and make you its prisoner. I still don't understand how people break up and get depressed if that is what they volunteered to choose.
It is indeed tough for just any person. Blessed are the people who don't get angry even when provoked, who don't get sad even in turmoil, who don't cry even in pain. But neither will they be able to smile in happiness, or laugh in joy.

Something that I NEVER expected I will ever do, I did. I was listening to the Kolaveri song all Sunday, and found sense in it. (yes, I hate myself for that already)

Current track: midi 20- A French Slam by Grand Corps Malade

The Insignificant New Year

This year is new enough for me to get into the technical aspects.
The feeling of 2012 has sunk in after about a whole month (yes, technically, 2 days left!)
This year is characteristic in our lives (mine, and the few friends of mine of my age).
It is called the "insignificant year of our lives". Like I had written in my previous post about crises, it seems that it is a part of the insignificance.

Last time I had quite a few things to say in the beginning and the end of the year. This year may or may not be a collective attempt to not curse our past.

This list of things would rather be for the happy moments of the insignificant year!

1. Work: Yes, now all of us are working, and we are so serious about it. Reason why I am serious about mine is because it promises to pay me to buy things I wanted, and financially support me for my insanity.At the moment, a beautiful camera is the driving force.

2. Traveling: You can never do too much of traveling. Having the energy, time, and money at a time to do anything is impossible. I decide to travel for many reasons, traveling does good things to me (has done bad things as well. But just that I ve learn't not to go on adventures without vaccination)

3. Reading: Learning is such a never ending process, and reading is the best way to learn. Very few people in existence are impressive speakers to impart anything worth remembering all life. Plus, reading proves to be a wonderful relaxation to the mind body and soul. This year, I am going to indulge in reading not just in English but also in French.

4. New Language: I am telling my friends how learning a new language gives you a new soul (I am not assuring you of any soul mate), and how wonderful it feels to be able to express yourself in a new dimension!
This year for, next on the cards is either Spanish or Arabic, whichever comes first. (French is my love, and I will continue to dedicate my work life only for French)

5. Fighting out things: All of us are upset about some one thing specific to our lives that is bothering us at our core. It is not easy to live with, but I think we can fight it out. I am going to fight out, and resolve things in life without waiting for help or company. My first step, I went shopping, and it has helped me make a kick start.

6. Living up to Dreams: Dreams and fantasies have been so integral in our lives till date, but somehow there are moments that make us abandon our dreams that define us in their own way. My list of dreams is ceaselessly long, and I doubt if I will be able to achieve all of them within this year. But if I make a start, nevertheless, I am sure I can tick off quite a few things in the list. (it is only human to want more )

7. Physical activities: Yes, we are all on an imbalanced side of health and weight now. For me physical activity is such a must not just for the good health of my physical body, but also for my mental body and emotional body. Who knows if I would really be able to play the sports I have been wanting to for long time. (let things reveal themselves gradually over the year (:

8. Meditation: We are letting life stress us out so much that physical activities just wont suffice !
I for one, should stop hyperventilating on useless things, and get serious about relaxation techniques.

9. Mistakes: To be bold enough to make mistakes, and learn from them to never repeat them again is a blessing. This year I hope to be bold enough to make new mistakes if that is what I should do to learn somethings. I have thankfully learn't lessons from my previous mistakes, and I wish I get to employ things this year well enough.

10. The special effects: I am going to be wearing my chef hat again, and start off making exotic dishes encore. It has been a while since I have let the masterchef side of me into the kitchen. I am going to note these details in french in my journal, and if it is turns out something worth reading, it will be shared.
I am going to get the guitar(my proud possession) out of the bag, and make an honest attempt to play it, and sing a few songs along with it.

11. Put up with morons with a pleasing smile: I have started on one. Every new day shows you a new moron. I am not going to expect seeing miracles (ahem ahem.. miracles can happen on anything), or wonderful people, but definitely going to grow up this year in handling them with some better maturity.
There are beautiful lessons that one would learn while doing this, and I shall share those details if the look worth sharing by the end of the year.

 By the end of everything, I am not perturbed if I would become a part of the cosmic dust in exactly a year from now. I am glad that I am in this state of mind.
Happy New year to one and all.. and wishing happy memories for the insignificant year to the ones of my age.

Mujhe Mil Jo Jaye Thoda Paisa

I generally have a habit of ending my posts mentioning the current track that is on my mind or playing on the player.
But this time, I am going to dedicate a whole post for this song. It has a beautiful nostalgia associated with it.

This song, was composed by Agosh, and was released somewhere in the 90s. It would come on MTV, and on i TV. And yes, the elders so detested us for watching those channels. (Seriously, things were not that bad back then.) So the wait for it to come on channels like Sony or Star would be a greater wait and pain.

There have been plenty of songs in the 90s that have taught us many things and entertained us better than the new ones. May be that is what makes them so special that we grew up listening to them. Music was not that easily available back then. You would have to ceaselessly try making STD calls to channels to play your favorite song, or buy an incredibly expensive video CD which would have a maximum of 10 songs. If budget was a problem, we had casette that would be used for recording all the new songs, and getting permission from parents to play music on the tape recorder would be an ordeal. Then came the rights to use the walkmen, but even then, budgeting was a problem with the ones which needed batteries.
There were several other things that made listening to music a memorable hobby. Now music has evolved from being a hobby to a part of life. I am glad about this change. Rather I am happy that I have been throughout this evolution.
So here is this song, one of my favorites, which reminds me of how we felt back then, and how we have made an effort to make changes that we actually dreamt back then.
Mujhe mil jo jaye thoda paisa. (If I d get some money)

If people still have this song on their iPOD or phone, they would certainly listen to it every month end or in the beginning of a new job/career. 
Life has beautifully changed and progressed. If you are a person who has not lived in the 90s, I hope this song inspires you to get over whatever complaints you have with your time now, and be the change you expect.
I would say that I live up to the changes I expected when I heard the song back then. Many of us have, and hope we inspire you all pretty well.
The song has English subtitles(if you don't understand Hindi), and it describes "all" the problems "we" had, and all what we expected in terms of financial life.

We Care And We Can't Help It!

I can certainly say that 90% of the problems in my life are because I care, and 10% because others don't care.
We women find million things to dislike in men in terms of their general nature, but they totally beat us in two things.
1 we care (let the second remain secret for a while now)

I am not yet sure if the caring part in us comes along with the inbuilt maternal instinct or if it just plain feminine, whatever it is, it exists in all of us, and every woman knows she suffers from it.
Things we care can be anything from our hair, our body, how we feel, how we smell, how we look, how we are looked at, how life works, how life doesn't work, and just everything but for "How life can still carelessly go on", and every bit of this can perturb us and we let it do so.

Caring for aspects in life that are of use or no use does not outweigh our characters of dynamism, or organization or just anything else which we blame men to not have, because men still live without all these simply telling "I don't care", and we on the other hand die every day, every possible moment because we care. Some of us die just trying to not care or losing the battle in trying not to care

Every strong, bold, confident, dynamic woman has a core inside that she protects. It is that core that we guard untouched. Sometimes hoping it tears itself apart when we can do nothing to destroy it, or at least not bother it exists. But it so deep within us, that we let it exist covered by immense hope that there would be some day in our life that we cared any less.

I wish I cared less for many things. Today's thoughts have been provoked by a lady who cared for me and told me "If you turn back and look at your life in the future, you will never find yourself perfectly going your way without making mistakes, and it is a natural process of going ahead."

I feel she was indeed right. I hope that these things, when I look back someday might be too insignificant to remember or just a lesson well learnt. But even while positively thinking about this, a part of me hopes that things might change that I would not need to care for the things that I actually care.

I am sure a lot of women associate yourself to this. Some can explain it well, many can't even on shouting out loud. I hope we all get over this someday.
Love and Peace !

Current track : Country roads - I used to sing this song when I was a kid in school. Brings back beautiful memories. 

2011 Ends

Every year end, I go for a retrospection of the things I learnt throughout the year, the changes that I regret as well as the ones I cherish. The last years I came up with posts with a list of things I learnt, the lessons that I hope to put to use in the coming year.
2011 has been extreme, and extraordinary. I experienced all the 9 emotions (Navarasa) within a year.

One of the big things I learnt was to never go starving for a diet to lose weight.(If you are unaware why: I got hospitalized and was shunting hospital-home for a whole 2 months. and as a co incidence, about 5 leos underwent the same fate like I did, for different reasons though)
Another thing is to keep my mouth shut, and just stay on the listening mode even if the speaker is a moron. All the other things I wanted to include in my life, I have already done. But I really ought to shut up and not talk at all!! 

I dont know if I can relate any aspect to my 2011 anything magical, but there has been a lot of unexplained things happening.

One of which is an aspect of my life I always hesitate to talk of may be just because I am shy, or I dont feel certain people apt to talk about it. Through all that time, I didnt realize what changes have already taken place.
Here is something said to me and another person by a very special friend: "You re going to realize it only when people stop caring"
Well obviously I didn't back then. I owe a lot to that friend who was a major influential person in my life this year, and most importantly, who allowed me to discover myself and realize what I am.
I am going to make 2012 special and make those people who cared for feel proud of me, and not the least, feel proud of myself to fight out my quarter life crisis.
I am going to work towards every moment of the year to make it special.
I would like to thank my Guide who has done a lot for me. But for Him, nothing would be possible. (I wouldnt have even survived the hospitalization)
This year, I am going to be the change I expect !
Welcome 2012!!

Change (ver 2.0)

This is something that has been disturbing me for quite a while, that today I ve decided to write it here.
I am not quite getting into critisizing the education system in India. Not yet atleast i should say. But my attitude towards it, as it has always been, is that if a student wants something for real, s/he should really work for it. No matter how crappie the situation is. I went through all that, and I found it a real test of survival. Here by saying survival, I mean survival of my innate passion in life. Blaming the education system is exactly the example of the quote "A lazy carpenter blames his tools".

Now getting to my point! There have been some broad minded parents, some rebellious kids who have contributed to some change. Where students have chosen a track which is totally different from the traditional system. It is good, but not many realize the intensity or seriousness of the change. Every field today has experts. For example if u just have an overpriced camera, you are not a photographer who can make a good living by taking pics. Life is not that easy. But at the same time, a talented person can make money with pics taken even on a mobile phone. There a lot of things that should be taken into consideration while choosing the way an individual would want to live.

And, it is not possible for a person to explore their skills if they dont try out any. Some might be amazing in the human breed by being successful engineers as well doing leisure activities that pay back.And some who are supposedly intelligent are still parasites on parents.
There are different ways of living, and a scope for survival if you really work well (i am not getting into another discussion about smart work and hard work. Not now, not here)

Given that I consider that an individual has a responsibility as much as the right to choose the way they live, I feel parents today are crazy.
Its a "bash the parents post" today here. This is what I have been seeing very often "My kid is not at all serious about studies. S/he gets only 97%. the rest of the time, s/he is playing or drawing, or doing something else".

Damn it i say! As long as the kid is not wasting time in front of the TV(watching absolutely demented new generation cartoons or things that kids should not be seeing at their age) or the computer (the new generation idiot box) virtually socializing with helplessly jobless people all over the world, why do you actually bother? The irony here is, parents don't mind kids socializing online, but mind if they actually went out playing cricket/ football, or were drawing something or just anything more than studies.
I don't mean that they shouldn't screw the arse of the child if s/he gets bad grades. I do believe studies are important, really important. But there is life beyond books. It is because of this stupidity that leads to further cases where students aim at getting a 100, and the kid who gets 99 doesn't have a college seat. And then, you will have a set of people blaming these innocent students for "brain drain", and lack of responsibility to mother India and what not bullshit.

Kids can even die with this pressure. Stop pressurizing them to get a 100. Let them get a good score(much better than decent), and live life beyond study materials. Let them read novels, newspapers, go to play some sport (yeah and now that curbs childhood obesity too), and develop some talent, and continue to have one real passion in life, and follow their dream.
New generation parents- please realize you have given birth to humans, and you have to raise them to be a fine lady or a gentleman. Not develop a machine or gadget. Don't make them await the day you are going to die and have it written on your grave stone "and now we live in peace"

I definitely want to end the post talking about my parents. I had a dad who was ready to break the TV if I didnt study, and actually liked me singing, drawing, and ofcourse sounds silly, but fighting and winning over dimwit boys. He was an amazing friend to me who liked me to develop myself all round, although never liked me being round in shape. (my mom feels that the only person who can make me stay slim would have been my dad, because she has given up on me. Having grown up, i now realize the seriousness of it. So not much of a loss) And a mother who never compelled me to go through a system of coaching for exams where i would have to sleep only one or two hours a day since the age of 8. She is a bold woman indeed who let me do whatever I like, she didn't scold me or stop me when I said that I would not do MBBS, and neither when I said that I would shift to french. ( I made this change at the age of 20! ) She was a strong support throughout my study in french, and continues to be a support and wants me to pursue it till PhD. I really will do it in a steady pace.
Let your kids discover their own ways of survival, don't suck the life out of them just because it is you who has given them birth 

Currently reading : Chanakya's Chant
Currently listening to: Aicha by Khaled (the french version, and it is not bad)

Discoveries

Well the researcher in me doesnt die. Just that she has got herself out of a mundane lab, and seeing a lot more things around. For a moment during this process I felt like Fransico D'Anconia of Atlas Shrugged. I somehow love that character and find him very impressive.
This is what has happened. I ve been out travelling again, and realized some beautiful things. Everyone knows my passion to travel, and it is a topic in the viva voce if asked, i am sure to top the class. (well that did happen actually). So i was telling at the Alliance Francaise the thrill and pleasure in discovering new ways to live a life. I feel it very vivacious, and divine. This time when I travelled, I was all alone (the best way as i see it) and was left with my own voices inside the head. No matter where you are, at home or away, you are always what you choose to be. And hence you always discover more things about yourself when you travel. #Divintiy redifined!
Has been blissful. Hoping to have more blissful journeys ahead.