The Kite Runner

This is surely inspired by the book of Khaled Hosseini vaguely. But i wanted to write on this on seeing the way things have changed over the years.

When we were kids, Sankranti  was an event where all cousins would meet up. Seeing each other and flying kites were the only things which made us anticipate it for a whole year. Cracker session for diwali was a formality but not something that we used to do together every year. The food would have "sakra pongal" which the entire crowd of my generation unanimously detest and we d sit having lunch hoping we had something else to eat. Dinner would generally be good. But everyone would be so engrossed with flying kites all day and night.

The entire family loved flying kites. The elders had their head to lead the flying kites, we had one too. Me and another cousin, being the youngest of the lot were generally kite runners. I dont remember launching a kite and let it rise high, but i always loved cheering the elders and shouting out "AFFFAAA".

Its been a few years since we flew kites or even met. Everyone is engrossed in their own work. Work makes people boring themselves, and they even forget things that give them pleasure.

Last year when we met, everyone were talking about those nostalgic moments when we d enjoy flying kites, making manja,  criticizing the menu for the lunch, but enjoying the dinner, and having great fun by organizing some games instantaneously. And that time, we were just talking about it and not doing anything. Everyone went back saying " i have work tomorrrow", i went back saying " i have college tomorrow". Nobody made an attempt to stay back. If there were atleast one person who wanted to live that moment again, we could have. But no one did even though we were offered an extra ransom pay if we flew kites. I mean how depressing we become on growing up, that we dont want to enjoy ourselves even if we are paid for it. Morose isnt it?
So.. neither the ones of my generation, nor the elders went anywhere near the stairs to venture to even see any kites. It was further annoying that the number of kites in the sky were lesser than there were when i was a kid. 

So.. This year, i decided to fly kites with friends. I learnt that all my friends were enthusiastic about flying kites.  Since i wanted to have a promotion from kite running to actual flying, i thought i d learn from them, and surprisingly none of them know to fly kites either!
 
Heres a copy paste of what one of my friend wrote on his facebook. :

#17mm aerodynamically designed maxi kites-check!
#70 gitty Old city glass coated razor sharp extra tensile fiber paakeza manja-check!
#Corosion free steel Charka with an almost infinite moment of inertia-check!
#Super energetic kids to hold the charka, cheer & scream so loud tht it grabs all the attenntion of the chics & their frens in ...the nxt building-check!
Now somebody teach me who to fly tht fckin kite:P

But honestly, if those days come back, or new beautiful days come, i d love to be the kite runner if not fly them.

People

Following a nasty event in the month of december with a wannabe american who really messed up with me, I had people messing up my sankranti which seems to show some effect throughout the year which promises to take some devastating steps.

I then decided to classify people in various categories and found maximum entries in the following:

1. I better stay away from you
2. I dont care anymore
3. I hate you.

Well... these are not the ONLY categories.. there are also categories like
Adorable, Respectable, Worth remembering, Entertaining etc.

Life is showing me things!  

The New Christmas

Its been ages since i felt like this, and i am happy to write it down and share it.

It has been some sort of a co- incidence that most of my friends on facebook felt like they ve been " missing their own self" at the same time when i was feeling so.
One starts to grow up after school, and (s)he grows up in so many different ways, sometimes missing a part of oneself that defines the core. I had been feeling that quite a lot although i was very happy to welcome a lot of drastic changes in life.
The best thing that could happen would be to strike a right balance between the change and the constant "actual" self. I believe it is one of the toughest things to balance.
To balance anything, you need to touch the two extremes to know the mid point.
I am happy i touched extremes. But when you touch any extreme, it is tough for you to turn back.
It was in the beginning of December when i had met an official who is about 10 years senior to me, and had a conversation with him. I was confident enough to answer him anything he had asked me. I think the fact that my conversation with him would not do any great harm to my career gave me the confidence to speak bold (although i m glad it did some good). i enjoyed the whole day for having made him feel dumb with my answers, and he was short of questions. A narcissist i am who likes to make people shut up with my wits. Its a main reason i like to read, and know most of the things no matter how odd it is in the name of "general knowledge". And i do just everything possible to update my "general knowledge", and believe me, i ve been tagged by my best friend that i have a perseverance that knows no limits!
A few days later, i happened to talk to a friend who is only 2 years senior to me. Once i started answering, he asked me more and more questions. It was not many questions till i felt that i need to think further. i felt damn horrible that i could not answer a person who is just 2 years senior than me, when i could comfortably make a person 10 years senior speechless. He then reminded me of an age old technique that i used to follow to achieve whatever i have. It was a technique i followed well, and even taught it to about 100 people to make a difference in their life, and eventually in due course of time, i stopped practicing it.
That night i did not sleep, and worked on it. For about a week, i was immersed into an introspection.
Finally, i broke out of it two days back, and began working on the tasks that i had decided.
I landed giving myself a wonderful Christmas Gift. Here are the results of working out with that technique:
1. I no longer "miss" myself. i came back with a bang! :D :P
2. I could come to the center to be able to balance some odd extremes.
3. I started working on issues that are really pending, my priorities, and the rest. (don't ask what all they are, for its awfully lengthy to write down here in this space. so save yourself :P )
4. I decided that i shall not miss my dad, this Christmas i did everything that i would perhaps do if my dad were alive today.
I did not cut a whole KG of cake and decorate my house. But i lived up to the actual Christmas spirit.
My cook had bought some cake for me as he knows that Christmas is uniquely special to me and dad would have made sure that there is cake for Christmas.
I saw my dad in the cake that we all had together.
I was into sharing and giving things like how dad likes it.
I remember reading in one of my friend's status message that one doesn't have to wait for Christmas to learn to share/ give things. My dad sure was a person who believed that, although he had his own way of putting it to me. But i had to wait for Christmas to remind myself of dad, and i am glad about it.
I got in to do something that he really missed doing. Something that he would love to do if he were alive. and i took up doing it as a grown up. If he were alive today, he would be so happy to see me doing what he dreamt. What i did is a beautiful secret between us, and he d love to see me keep up the friendship even after his death.

There are a lot of people who have lost either of their parents in their life, and it sure is a scar no doubt, worse is that it gives a feeling of being "shattered" among the family members who are still alive. It has take me 11 years to realize that my father can still live. Its our thoughts and love that makes them continue to live.
I ve felt him alive in my Christmas today, and hope to see him in every festival to come in future.
It felt like he had taken along with him a part of our lives when he died, but today i feel that he has left some part of his life for us to live with.
I live in his dreams, his hopes, his ambitions, and of all things, his friendship and look forward to find him in many more things in life. It would surely be nice to have him here to celebrate the joy together, but it is not so horrible to cry in his physical absence.

Somewhere in ether, i believe his soul is wandering and my love would surely touch him and tell him that i d always be proud of being his daughter-friend. Merry Christmas appa! 

Au revoir 2010

It has indeed been long since i wrote anything here, and before the year ends, i felt i better make a post

2010- damn i cant believe a whole year has passed by! i m still surprised by that. but life goes on, so i m ready for 2011

I dont remember how things were during jan, feb or march. all i can gather is that i tried hard to get over the T vacation that we had and made a really hard effort to have the text books open (dont ask me how much i read nor my marks) a part of the "not so happy" part of my life began when april started. continued for quite sometime, retrospecting back, i m glad that whatever happened, happened for good.  Graduated this year- threw away all the science books from my life and changed my track to get into Arts.
june and july were horrible. august was ok. i was atleast not that ill like the other times, so thats the best gift life has given me.
the only notable thing the whole year has been french. i started my french classes as soon as my exams got over. i started my course in the alliance francaise from the second level in the month of may- june.
since then, french has been the love of my life. for whatever reasons which only my dairy knows, i sincerely love it and i doubt if i d love the man of my life the way i love the language.
there is nothing without obstacles- august- september was really bad at french.. i felt i m gonna stop it at that level. but my determination to stick to it was worth. september- october- november: i dont know when it passed by! december was amazing. i really felt like what i wanted to.
There have been a LOT of changes in the second half of the year, a makeover that i expected has taken place, although the makeover in my physical appearance seems to take more time, a beautiful start has happened.
Its year end, and i am back to the hyperness which i once had and forgot about them after the stressful times i had till july. i really wish i get back here next december really chirpy.

last december was pretty philosophical (philosophy is no less this year, just that i m too lazy to write them down here. but damn all my 6 senses are charged with philosophy!)
and yes my rule of NEVER trusting anyone seems to be the "default" instruction for my life. no matter who it is, i shant trust for trust is THE thing you need for betrayal.
and thoughts for the year that i would like to leave here for me to see whenever i d want to:
1 Wannabes:  never encourage them. they ll suck just everything out of you.
2 Discussing opinions: never let anyone know about your opinions- for they are your own (er.. i guess i said the same thing last year giving it an analogy with assholes. damn! why is it that i m having to write it again?)
3 Talks: being talkative is not at all an advantage, no matter who the person is with whom you are having your conversation
4 Life: there is just one life to live, and live it without any regrets. Neither regrets nor guilt.
5 Money: a damn bloody necessary evil. you cannot live nor die without it
6 Work: a place where hypocrites are called diplomats.
7 Thoughts: the philosophical thing that i learnt "pass not any judgment". (dreaming is good. very good infact :P )
8 Singing and dancing: the best ways to love yourself better. i feel that it adds on the romance when you are an artist.
9 Redemption: with about 100% proof, i declare that the "quit india movement" is the real redemption.
10 Where am i going?: wherever life takes me!

My Regrets

This is a something that eventually turned out to become a short story, which was rather supposed to be an essay. It is a translated version of the french short story that i wrote of an old man writing to his diary about an event which he wished he could change.


"Your wife has lost both her legs in the accident, and your daughter has lost her memory. I am really sorry to inform you this" said the doctor this morning.

My wife Sylvie has been on romantic journey with me and has lived 60 years of life walking. I love her the same as i did when i married her, and shall continue to love her the same way. But i am actually disturbed about the memory loss of Michelle my daughter.


Frederic was 5 years when Michelle was born.I wish i could change just everything since that moment.
If i had looked deep into her eyes with love as i did to Frederic, i would have been a better parent.
If i had taken her to movies, to picnics, or even to school, i wouldn't feel guilty today. I don't understand why i liked Frederic more than Michelle although he was not good in his studies, nor talented,
nor loving nor special in any way. He had and has friends who like him for the money that i give him. But Michelle had and has close friends who like her for what she is- intelligent and adorable.
I had given Frederic a better education than Michelle and it did not make any difference- Frederic is still a parasite on me, but Michelle would have studied just anywhere, and today she has a respectable post in a big company in the United States, and is a part of an elite society.
I had given Frederic a job with my recommendation, and he no longer works there. But Michelle worked her own way towards her destiny. When she was a child, we never realized her love or intelligence. She reached out to the world and they all love her.
When Frederic lived with our money and kicked us out of our own house, Michelle stood by us and gave us a home and hope to live again. She began to take us on a vacation every year to a really nice location for a retreat. This year i asked her to take us to Thailand. She took us there, and asked us to join her in the U.S.
After a wonderful holiday, Sylvie and Michelle left to U.S, while i wanted to go to Paris once before i move to the US with her, and hence i was waiting in my suite than the airport. Within 30 minutes i received a telephone call that the two had met with a massive accident.
When i reached the hospital, i was given their baggage for identification. I could not even see either of them. But when the police officer saw Michelle's details of her work and her U.S citizenship, they sent us to Singapore for a better treatment. She commanded respect even from a stranger in a foreign land! If i hadn't asked her to bring me here for a vacation, there would have been chances to prevent this accident.

And today when the doctor told me that Michelle has lost her memory, it only makes me think with a guilt "have i ever given her memories that she has lost now"

P.S: Its a real story that i have come across. The names are changed.

Patricia

Its not that i had to wait to learn french to come across this name to remember my school friend Patricia, patsy as we all called her. I have written a few posts about some special people who mean something to me. this one is dedicated to her.
She is a person i ve been searching for years like i searched for Prithvi and Sriram and ultimately found them on social networking sites.
Patsy was a dusky girl compelled to be silent throughout the class. For some strangely usual and common incident that happened in kindergarten, nobody spoke to her. nobody went close to her. there was one time when we boycotted the teacher for having touched her.
There are so many rude and cruel things we did to patsy, there were many times she cried for the indifference shown towards her. and sometimes she would just accept it and keep moving. She was actually a sweet girl who did not deserve this and left school somewhere in class 3, and never turned towards this side since. and i really hope her life elsewhere should have been good. Although her sister did study in the same school for long, none of us bothered to check why patsy left school.
But she was at no fault for what happened to her. By the time i came to class 9, i realized how bad she should have felt when she was actually innocent and what all of us did was inhuman.
I ve heard such stories from many people of boycotting some student in the class, and the whole class turns against that student. It apparently IS normal, but i feel i ve grown out of it, and everyone of us would have too.
I hope that patsy would read this post someday and come down to meet me, and when she does, i will give her a big hug and make up for all that happened in school.

Individuality Of A Teacher

I was talking to a friend of mine about my social networking on facebook, and she asked me how on earth i could be comfortable with so many teachers, and professors on my list, and would i be as comfortable to have my student in my list.
I have not had any problem with any of them on my list, because they are the people who know me precisely as to what i am. if i talk something crazy, they d let me be crazy as long as i keep it on my own wall, and i would let them be what they are and would not mind them being crazy even in my wall, as long as they are friends and not trying to give me lessons of any sort on that website.
Having said that, i would surely not let any of my students be on my list, for the simple reason that i have an identity defined by them which is absolutely irrelevant. i mean why should my STUDENT define how i am supposed to be and what i should be doing, and comment or look at me as in "oh is it you?". Well, every teacher is in his/her serious best in a class. yes i crack jokes at times to give them a small break from seriousness, and do my best to be innovative. but that is my profession as of now, and i m sure to be as serious as possible to do justice for the money i get out of it.
Once i m out of the hall, i am just the same person as anyone else, open to ideas and suggestions, waiting for challenges, and happy to be crazy wherever possible. this is something natural in any person let alone a teaching member. and believe me this is something hard for a student to accept until s/he becomes one. i have no problem going along with my students or my mom's but i stopped that since i went with them to a beach where they looked at me "oh my god! in class you never looked like a person who would be interested in these things" i mean why should i keep expressing what i like/dislike to my students when i m being professional at my work? But it also gets very difficult to try to run back home or somewhere else when you have been captured!
I always hate it when my mom's students meet us when we are outdoors just to spend time with each other, and people take her away to have a small counseling session with her, and the entire charm of being together on an evening is lost. And something even more embarrassing, i was in inter college getting my chemistry doubts clarified from one lecturer when a senior came up to him and took the friendship he shared with the students for granted by asking him "sir how was the mirchi bajji that you had in that particular street on that day?" he was so embarrassed and couldn't even shoe that her away. many such instances have happened when me and my mom went out to have street food. To avoid that, once, we went to a restaurant really far with a hope that none of our students would make it there and we could talk and dine together for sometime. We found a big battalion of students who pulled us into their group.
I m not against it. but there are times when one wants to be alone, or just be with the family. at these times, the friendship that a teacher shares with the student is totally taken for granted.
i have a professor from college who was from the science department (the only science teaching member i am actually comfortable with)who is comfortable enough with me to accompany me to movies or for an ice cream. when i am out, i treat her as a normal person without expecting her to be the way she is in class.
EVERY other teaching member who is close to me, and with whom i always stay in touch with are language teachers right from school. i know the right time to call them, and i also know how to behave when i see them in public.
It is indeed the right way to respect your teacher by greeting them in public. but do not compel them to share that comfort level with you always.. they have a life, and you get yours.
Having said that, a teacher always knows his/her conduct of behavior and responsibility when it comes to this profession.
Respect the individuality of a teacher! let him/her be the way s/he wants to be when his/her momentary purpose is not to impart education of any sort to you.