Roughness

Every year, I take time to retrospect the previous year, and introspect for the coming year. This session strangely has been immense.

2014 was nothing short of a massive turbulence. I turned 25, and thought that things could not get worse.
Lesson 1: Never tell yourself things cannot get worse. Life will show you the worse !

These few days of 2015 has been much more severe and intense than the entire 365 days of last year. God knows what is in store for the rest of the days ! No, I am not questioning if it will be good or bad. I am just in my own paranoia to say the least.
Lesson 2: Never let anything even touch your core being. The harmony of your life does not deserve battering that you otherwise take.

Lesson 3: The physical body is mortal, ergo temporary. Does not really deserve all attention. It is the immortal that always gets unnoticed.

Lesson 4: Silence is golden

Lot more lessons learnt, too personal to write. And certainly a lot of things I look forward to. 

Things you should not do on a weight loss schedule

All I needed to get back to writing was some interest to write, which I generally get when I read something inspiring enough, or come across something that touches me enough, or both.

Today, I felt the need of writing about weight loss. I also intend to write about my travel experiences. But that would come later.

It is a journey, and like any travel the destination is your own self. In this case as well, the journey is more important than the destination. The path you choose decides how and where you land.
In the beginning, get your reasons charted out. Write down the reasons you must lose weight. If the number crosses 10 where each one of them is valid, you should pull up your socks, and tie your laces, and be ready for an adventure.
My mother believes that when one is taught anything on practical application of a pure science, it is more important to say what should not be done than what all can be done. So I am writing down here all the don'ts, and my reason to write it. I have done all these things, and screwed my health massively, and learnt this the hard way.

1. Crash diet: Crash diet is a sudden change in your dietary habit replacing the food your body is familiar with. Remember that no system in the universe can accept anything sudden. Don't let your body take revenge on you for this act. Every diet of this sort is undoubtedly fad. I got admitted in the hospital for a whole month for going on a diet which my friend called indefinite torture, because I was on a liquid diet where I had nothing other than water for 13 days. I was perfectly alright till I touched the first bit of solid food, then had the worst pain of my life. I was in the hospital for a whole month, and it took me about a year to get the entire system to a reasonably good health. And for having done all this, I did not lose even one pound !

2. Too much of exercise: This is another thing that I did because dieting was out of option. Muscles lose their ability to do anything at one time. I landed in muscle fatigue, and could do nothing for weeks!

These two points I knew were senseless, and still followed them. The irony is that I have an official degree in Biotechnology, Biochemistry, and Chemistry. And these things were well taught, and I had also been evaluated on my knowledge in these areas. The reason I am writing this is because there will be a time when the need to lose weight, the desperation, or the sorrow will be strong enough to deceive the knowledge and sanity. Everyone who is officially fat will have this problem. I had this. But what you have to learn is to pay deaf ears to people who comment or mock or ridicule or treat you different for the reason you are fat. I have had fat people with fat children giving me advice and making comments about me. It was hard, but now my attitude keeps them at bay. They don't like the way I don't encourage their crap, but you should stop taking crap from people. 

3. Buying clothes of smaller size: A lot of people think that clothes of smaller size is a big time motivation to lose weight. But it is not. There is no shortcut to losing your weight and knocking off those inches. So by the time you lose your weight, chances are high that it would be out of style. You would have wasted your money on something that won't fit you forever. Accept it, you will never come to a state where your skin will touch your bones. It is not healthy either. You will come again to a level to receive comments "aapka size nahin hai" (we don't have (clothes) your size)etc. I have big time junk in my house of clothes that don't fit me, and I have never touched at all. It is such a waste of space, and it demotivates me that it has been ages since I had this in my shelf and never succeeded in getting into it. It demotivates me more than anything else.

4. Rely on someone to keep you motivated to lose weight: Don't wait for someone to remind you everyday to workout or stick to your diet. If you don't care to be there for yourself, who do you think should care for it? You need commitment with yourself more than anything else. Don't either wait for an ideal time to start your schedule. Tomorrow never comes. If it does, and you are not ready for it, it will kill you for not having done things that should have been done yesterday.

5. Hating yourself for the physique: Well you deserve to hate yourself for the negligence that caused this weight issue. Evidently your feelings have not done anything good to have a positive effect on losing weight or on arresting weight gain. Don't be harsh on yourself. Remember if you love and care for yourself is when others will bother to love or care for you. If you are already a snob, this point is not for you, neither is my page for you. But when you love yourself, you will all the more have reasons to be careful while doing anything to yourself. If you think you are ugly, you must realize that it is your perception that is ugly, and not yourself(physique)


6. Have unrealistic goals: No matter what your weight is, even if you are just a few kgs overweight, give yourself plenty of time. Don't think that you can easily shed 1 kilo in 2 days. Give yourself ample time, and enjoy your journey of loving yourself and giving yourself the gift of a good physique. Don't make calculations of how many grams a day you should lose a day to reach your goal. It is not a wise way of working. Unrealistic goals are absolute certainty of losing motivation.


7. Irregularity: Discipline is a major asset in one's life. If you are not disciplined with your eating and working out, don't expect your body to be in a disciplined structure. You must eat the food the body is familiar with, and do your workouts so that it is sure that you won't deprive it of nutrition. Chances are high that you will bloat if you don't have regularity in your exercise schedule. Discipline in life will take you places. Inculcate the habit of discipline in every aspect of your life.


8. Checking the weight everyday: You should check your weight everyday only when you are in shape. When you are on a weight loss program, your weight would fluctuate, and thus will not keep your enthusiasm on top always. Check your weight before you start, and then every 15 days till you arrive at the ideal weight.

9. Surgery/popping pills: If your weight gain is due to medical conditions, have the medicines prescribed by the doctor. If you are popping pills to accelerate weight loss, you are going to be FUBAR. Surgery is even worse. I know a friend who went for liposuction, and was screaming everyday because she felt her body burn wherever the liposuction had been done. Trust me, it is not something you can even bear to listen when someone else is going through.

10. Changing plans: Remember that you should only do what you enjoy doing. If you don't like yoga, dont do it. If you don't like working out in a gym, don't do it. Do some physical activity that will bring down your weight. Don't remain idle. If you feel going to the gym is better when you are in a yoga schedule, or the vice-versa, it is a bad habit. Do whatever you like, but stick to it.

11. Be your own doctor: Having a degree in life sciences, I did not start my plan without taking the necessary tests to assess myself. Please consult your doctor about your health condition. For example, if you are not supposed to cut your sugar intake or salt intake, and do them, you will land up in big mess. Have a master checkup done, take the reports to your doctor, and ask him/her if you are fit for dieting/exercise, and most importantly ask what you should not do. Don't be your own doctor and make your own decisions. Go to your family doctor instead of a "nutritionist" in a corporate hospital who is actually an intern trying to kill time and make money. No sane person will give you advice without knowing your medical background. So switch to your deaf mode if someone starts giving you free advice. Tell them you have no intention to pay attention or money for their advice.

Bienvenue 2013

This year is coming closer to its end. And as some people believe, end to the very existence. I am frankly speaking, not bothered about it at all. If I am dying, so are you, and the rest. So I wont be alone. And I will live my life till death. Well, that is not the point of this post. As usual, this is the time of the year I write about things that have touched me. I used to write posts in retrospect of how the year had been. It was a roller coaster of a year ! Since I have written a lot more than I ever expected, I am now going to look ahead into the future. Here is a list of things I wish to do in 2013.

1. Become slim : Honestly this has been on my list ever since I started making a list. But I really wish the change happens.
2. Sing: Properly that is. To be able to join music classes and sing carnatic music. Because, whenever I sang carnatic music, I could sing just any genre with great ease.
3. Run a marathon: Ambitious, I know. But it is a nice one.
4. Swim : Not just survive when thrown into the pool, but actually swim quite a few strokes.
5. Mountain biking: To go on an adventure in Leh-Manali by mountain biking. I heard it is a real endurance test, and something to do before kicking the bucket (given the insanity, earlier the better, and best done in youth)
6. Bungee jumping: I hope to combine it in a 10 or 12 day trip and make this happen. Bungee and water rafting must happen this year !
7. Play the guitar: I have made quite a lot of donations to people to tutors, but never managed to play one song.
8. Paint : Atleast one masterpiece, and few good potraits as pencil sketches. Charcoal sounds ambitious, but I will see this at the end of the year.
9. Gardening: To really bring life in my garden that was lost about 14 years ago.
10. Travel: Insanity never ends, and I would never want to end travelling.
11. Learn a lot more: may be an education, or may be just observation, or just learning.  

Weekends

I never realized why my mother used to tell her friends/students/acquaintances "I owe my daughter a lot for having sacrificed every weekend of hers for my work". The reason I never felt it a sacrifice of any sort was because she was there for me every day when I came back from school, and that completely made up for everything she felt she has denied me. It was a routine to help her with her work for a long time, long enough till I found myself a job where I started working on weekdays. I started thinking that her work was bizzare only when I got out to see people claiming a weekend to be "something". In the beginning of my new work, I  felt the need to rest during the weekend to be able to jump again for work.

I happened to meet a senior in my line of work, who asked me "One job? that is it? What have you achieved, and what do you think you can achieve by the time you are 25?" I felt he was mad, I had people to support me saying that capacities for men and women are different, and I should not be bothering. And how horrible I feel today that I fell for the latter, when I believe a person should only be self empowered and not by anyone else for any factor, and the cheapest being a weaker gender. 

Anyways, both the discussions happened for a short while, but thoughts were flowing for a long time. Long enough till I felt tired of resting for two full days of the weekend, and started finding myself useless the rest of the time. 

Today, I shook up to help my mom. I promised her last night, and got up late. Early enough to help her for work. And for having lost the gap of doing this, I had a trouble getting back in touch in the first place. End of the day, I was tired, I don't deny. But I was not unhappy. I was happier for being useful, for I never understood what a great asset my mother gave me to teach me to be productive on weekends, and I no longer care if I cannot go to a movie, or do something crazy on weekends. I am blessed with enough craziness to be mad on any given day. 

A little something for the Teachers

I still vividly remember an instance of my childhood, where a fortune teller told me that I have the "good luck" to become a doctor, and asked me "how do you like it?", and I quickly said "I d rather like to be a teacher" and he was not even a bit happy about what my reaction to his prediction. 

I have proven him, I am not a doctor, and I am closely related to academics, and have been a teacher. And it gives me immense happiness. 

September 5th- A day in India when everyone likes to celebrate Teacher's day in the memory of Sarvepalli Radhakrishna, each person having his/her own reasons to celebrate being under a teacher. I cannot deny that  I was once with the crowd for celebration just to avoid classes. But this was during the second year of inter at Narayana Junior College (that explains a lot doesn't it). Teaching is seriously not everyone's forte, and I have had some horrible teachers whom I wish to ignore. 

This year, Teacher's Day brought a lot of things to my mind. I was on my way to Mangalore, and in the airport I realized that the book I carried was checked in, and I had nothing else to do till I could board the flight. So I went and helped myself with a book. The book that first caught my eye was "To Sir, With Love" By E.R. Braithwaite, and I believe the celebration began from the moment I bought it. I was pretty unwell, but I gathered all energy to make a phone call and wish two very special teachers in my life- my Zoology sir who took lessons in the first year, and my first French professor. They mean a lot to me, and everyone knows how much. But I want to dedicate this post to a few more people. 

1. Mrs. Jessica Simon- Honestly, she was someone who scared the hell out of me, and I have spent many nights praying that she should not be my teacher. And later, every moment I regret that my prayers were heard. But the divinity taught me a lesson about being careful while asking things in prayer, and I have been careful ever since. She took may be 5 lessons of social studies at the max, and spent about a week with us, but I cherish all those moments listening to her in awe. She had a very bad temper, I agree. But in today's world we compromise with the temper of certain people who don't deserve it. She was someone who lost her cool only when things went out of control. When in class, she was the ONLY (yes, I dare to use caps to emphasize "only") modest, humble, patient, responsible, caring, mature, and rockingly cool teacher in that entire school. I remember meeting her at a public place once, and I was frozen as though I met an angel, and believe me, she asked me questions about me as a guardian angel would care, and told it in a way a sister would tell. 

2. Mrs. Shiela Rao: A woman who taught me to appreciate myself, she taught me how to fight, how to face odd things that happened to me in school, and of all how not to take shit from others. If you haven't guessed it yet, she was a sports teacher in the complete sense. I still remember that day in school when she scolded the girl who bullied me for years. She brought that girl down to tears, and it at least kept her away from me. That was something I could certainly not have done. The way she loved herself, and taught me not to be scared to speak out or punch a person on the face and so many other things, make me celebrate and be happy about what I am till today. Once she told us all that she doesn't care if we didn't wish her on Teacher's Day. But if we had her in our mind for even the shortest fraction of a second during moments of triumph in our lives, she said it was her achievement. As far as I am concerned, I have her in my mind in the most respectable place whenever I achieve anything big or small. 

3. Mr. C. V. Pragash: My mother sent me to tuitions as she could not sit with me to help me with studies. I did have tough times in his classes, but in due course of time, within two terms, I recovered from a lot of emotional trauma. I started finding solace in studying, and in getting good marks. He cared for every student as his own child, and balanced classes quite well. I owe all the credits to him for having changed my attitude towards mathematics, and making me like it. Now I have to get back to it, as the teachers in my UG have totally torn it apart, and I feel lost even while making simple calculations. If I got back to teaching, he would certainly be very proud of me. 

4. Dr Latha Surendra: She was comfortably over 50 when she taught us Chemistry in our UG. If it wasn't for her, I would have surely not even completed my basic education given how horrible the quality of education was at UG. There was a charm of pure intelligence in her face, and her smile would put us at ease or discomfort, depending on what she actually wants us to feel. Something I never forget till date about what she said "...and life goes on". There will be things that trouble us, but life goes on, and we can't stop. I still respect her for what I have got from being her student. 

5. Dr. Sarala Mahidra: Attending language classes will be a bore unless you have someone stern or it is your personal interest to attend it. But a person being stern enough to make you develop an interest to attend a language class is very rare. She is a woman of poise! Way shorter than me, but her aura of knowledge in her field, and the confidence in knowing what comes out of her mouth made a solid impression of her in my mind and heart. I doubt that I will ever be the very soft voiced teacher in class, because my role model Mrs. Sarala was someone who would ensure she is well heard. I get a good lot of inspiration from her to be a good teacher. 

Sadly, I have moved out of teaching for the past few months, and I have suddenly started to regret that. "Life goes on..", and I can teach again as I really want to. Now I would like to add about a colleague who inspired me to get back to teaching. He was so happy talking about how much teaching made him evolve, and how he looked at it, and it was quite intense and passionate. Closer to the very end of the listening, I added that I was a teacher once, so I can totally understand what he felt, and how he looks at it, because I have enjoyed such moments as a teacher. I began to introspect why should I deny myself of that feeling when I don't really have to. With so many great teachers in my life, and the blessing of being in the line of academics, I am once again inspired to teach. 

  

Child's Play

It is quite often that we hear from people older saying "life is not a child's play"
Yesterday I witnessed something that totally contradicted this philosophy of the mentally, and physically old people, for such a conclusion is the very end.

The city had a few showers to cool the place a bit, and there was a small patch of water in the temple where I went yesterday. All of us made sure not to step on it, and went on with our own activities. There is always something charming about these small temples in the neighborhood. They play a wonderful part of your childhood, and about everyday life in general. So yesterday, there were a bunch of kids playing some game. A cute skinny girl caught my attention. I loved that child for the way she enjoyed every bit of running around. and suddenly in a while I saw her face not so happy. She was showing her mom how she got herself wet, and how it hurt skidding in the water patch. The small patch had become large, spread over by area, and you could make out that the culprit was a kid by the footprints that went out of it.
The best part of it was that she continued running with the same enthusiasm as she was. I suddenly stopped and gave a look at her. I wanted to see her face clearly. Her milk teeth had fallen off, and she was a growing girl. the toothless wonder gave me a charming and warm smile and asked me "hEy!!! When did you come??" I said "a while ago" and continued with what I was doing, she continued what she was upto, we bumped into each other ever now and then, and she showed me how she got herself wet, how her hands turned red (due to some other prank), and so many such things in short intervals. I then saw her dance to the music on the water where she fell, with the same smile of hers. How we forget such beautiful things when we keep growing up. She learnt to get over it, and dance over the thing that could actually hurt her. How many of us today make conquer the troubles that potentially harm us, and make it a fun experience? Like everyone make friends at such places, that girl is now my friend. We don't know each others names, where we stay, but we are friends and we need no reason to give naughty smiles at each other.
This story ends where the water patch got completely disappeared. She spread the little water all over, and it got dried immediately. Everyone walked across comfortably not having to worry about skidding.
So next time you find someone saying "it is not a child's play", you can most certainly take it for granted that they are frustrated souls who cannot connect to the coming new generation. (For people of my age: accept it, a new generation has started coming, it is beyond your own niece/nephew, the kids in the park, street, local temple or just anywhere.) Stay connected with people of different races, generations, cultures etc. It will keep you most lively and you will enjoy every moment of living, and literally play your way through everything.

Something that just came on my facebook home page. So apt to the situation

Current track: Birds chirping outside the window... (importance of connecting with nature will come on some other time)

Reasons to Smile

Most of the times when we have felt sad/unhappy are the times we ve felt so without knowing the reason, or because we don't know answers/solutions.
But should we at all need reasons to be happy or feel anything for that matter? IMO, not at all. Yet we need reasons to be convinced for just anything. Being reasonable, rational, and objective is perhaps fine as long as all goes on well. As for me, just for today, everyday I choose to be happy.

Having beaten around the bush, I am going to get to my point. I am not searching for happiness (that one doesn't actually ever lose, but just overlooks, I am no exception), I have rather been thinking of reasons to smile (pose) for pictures.

Yesterday I updated my status on facebook about how wonderful my recent travel experience was. Work on the other hand went off pretty well. But to my surprise, it always says "this is visible only to you" no matter how much I try to change the settings. Now I cant even ask for help in that column!

There are lots of things we are immersed in life that is worth sharing, worth looking at worth retrospecting, worth storing. I never liked the way I look, that I have been avoiding posing for pictures over the last few years. But today when I look at the few pictures that actually came up, or the really old ones, I realized what big mistake I did by not freezing many moments in life.
Besides that, here is a video that I would like to share with you that changed a lot about my perception about youth, and also changed my mind as to why I d want to have pictures of mine.

Here is the conversation that happened with voice number 1 and 4 inside my head:

V1: Should I really get back to posing for pics?
V4: Its beyond posing. It is to capture those moments of life that take our breath away ; and of those moments that make us smile different and unique every time.
V1: I m quite skeptic that people already think I am mad to be smiling too often
V4: Good, because it is love that is madness (temporary or not-no comments yet). Rights to insanity; love and peace with thyself, what else could justify it better? Go ahead, see yourself smile when you are out living life.

We don't realize how much we have created in life for ourselves, how much of opportunities, chances, the future and most special and important- "the present"
So I decided that it is no longer just enough for me to live my life to the fullest, claim posing for pictures to be mundane, and concluded that having my own pictures is living a life larger than given. 

On a completely different note: Quite a few people asked me if whatever I covered in the post one life well lived is really possible, here is a video that quite conveys what I had in my mind when I wrote that post. Thanks to the facebook fraternity for giving that thought a good publicity.

Current track (in the player) : Snow on the Sahara - Enigma