Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Love, Hate

I don't know if I have spoken about it here, or anywhere. I don't know if words can do justice to love. Is that what always stopped me or, what was it? Was I afraid to think of it, feel it? Was I afraid to live, was I afraid to love? Was I plainly confused with so many opinions from the several discourses and articles and stories I had read? I honestly don't know!

How far can one go to love? These days my idea of distance seems obsolete. How far is really far? Is there any standard protocol? or is everything just measured with relativity? Simple relativity?

I like to believe everything is relative and most are subjective. In which case, does it also apply to love? Does it make one eloquent, or does it put one into profound silence? Is it the change you never anticipated? Where is love? What is love? Who loves? How does it come along?

What is hate? Is it as extreme as it is said? Is it just said or is it believed? Is it the action or the reaction?

Love and hate: what is the cause, what is the consequence?

Do I really need answers? Do you really need answers?

At one point, do you even continue to have questions?

Have you felt the relief in hatred and pain of love? Do you want it?

Do I want it? In all hell, heaven, and earth, yes! I want it. Is it just "it"? Aren't love and hate two sides of the same coin? You cannot have one without the other. There is no clear distinction between the two.
Is there pleasure? Is there pain? Is it both? Can you handle it? Do you want it?

I cannot answer that for myself, I won't try to give you answers.

Then why am I writing about it?

I want love, and I want everyone to love.

Love, love, love.

Monday, July 4, 2016

Fashion and Style

Yet again I am here posting a random thought.

To be able to explore more on this topic, I picked up an online course on fashion, which I eventually did not finish. Hence my take on this subject is more personal than professional.

I have always been intrigued by the subject of style, fashion, and the types, and yet have had my own fair share (or more) of wardrobe malfunctions that I will never be proud of. But this is not about those bad times, it is about the rest.

After a few malfunctions, a couple friends who also happen to be colleagues gave me their valuable contribution of time to avoid another malfunction. When they thought everything was fine, one of them told me that the main aspect of all this is to be comfortable. I am compelled to believe in him given my experiences.

However, there are a lot of people who would walk that extra mile in pain wearing a smile to try hard to cover the agony they compel themselves to carry. In fact, a close friend always tells me "Beauty is pain" and she does things painful to her to seem beautiful. However, I have recently in the past been rebellious to please people to be accepted. It is a never ending saga to go about pleasing people by putting yourself in pain or betraying your own ideas in life.

There is another close friend in my circle, who actually does care for people. She probably cares for them a lot more than she does for herself. But the topic I am here to discuss is about her sense of dressing. I like her in any outfit she is in. I was pondering why, and realized that it is her confidence that makes her carry herself comfortably. She is unapologetic in saying no to a way of wearing whatever is uncomfortable to her. She only chooses what she feels comfortable to her. Surprisingly, I don't know if it co-incidence or not, she looks fabulous even in the most senseless colour combinations, and patterns of stitches that make the very outfit(I somehow overuse the word dress. I am trying hard not to abuse it by not using it at all)

The former friend I mentioned tends to wear clothes that don't look bad, and are not bad by themselves. But I don't find her appealing always. It is very rare that I take a moment to spare her my attention. On the contrary, I take time to keep my mind off her presentation or try to un-see what I saw. I always get reprimands from her, with her comments that I dress like an old woman. Sometimes the latter also worries I am turning into an old and grumpy woman.

At one point, I absolutely had to snap. When she(former) wanted me to alter a dress of mine to make it appealing to the "current trend" I just could not stand it. Because it was one that I got stitched to my interest. I was unapologetic to say "I don't believe I should wear what the self-proclaimed fashion gods believe I should be wearing. What I wear is pretty comfortable and fashionable to me" In spite of this agitated response, I still get unsolicited advises on how I should be fashionable by following a current trend.

Fashion, in my opinion is whatever one wears, and not always following a current trend or a person. I was a 15 year old when an old man in a bangle store told me that fashion is whatever one wears, and one must wear what one likes to wear. I still find that empowering. For fashion to be stylish, one must be confident, and to be confident, one must feel comfortable in one's own skin. Because it is not just what we wear, it is also what we don't do to our clothes, our skin, our hair or our very structure.

It is easier said that done for me to tell that you should like yourself however you are, when I beat myself up on not being slim. But there are times you must tell yourself that nobody is perfect.
Perfection is your own perception of how you want to be. If you want to be fashionable and stylish, be that! Not being that, is what self proclaimed fashion gods en-cash on. There is nothing to be ashamed of in getting your clothes stitched by a tailor, when you pick your own fabric, colour, and pattern, and he goes by how you want it done. You are your own stylist!

Beauty is not pain. Neither does it lie in you (inside nor out).
When someone says you are beautiful, it is the beauty in their eyes that gives you a compliment. 

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Comparing a day to the gym

Its been a long time since I wrote anything here or anywhere for that matter, I decided yesterday to write down something I thought was worth entering the blog

I do not own this image, I am merely using it to support my article, and to do a bit of marketing to the guy who actually took it. Just compare it to a random share on facebook-that is where I found it anyways

I am inspired to write by the event that happened at home and the above picture. Translating it from French, it means "Are you telling me that people go to the gym by car to run on a rolling carpet?"

I was reminded of this picture that I first saw long back, when I saw Gordon Ramsay beat the eggs by hand, and said "Why use an electric beater to save time here and then fret out in the gym. Works well on the biceps eventually by the way" Now these are not exactly the words he used, but largely, this is what he said. I was not a fan of this guy, and am still not. Just that I don't hate him as much as I used to.

This guy compared an egg beater to a workout in the gym, just like the kid comparing a car and the treadmill.

I am now comparing the gym to a washing machine. The events are as follows:

Sadly, the locality I live in is infested with rodents. Although I think squirrels are cute, I don't share the same thoughts on other species of that class.

One of them entered my household, and happily enjoyed destroying my washing machine. The wires, the very frame(!) and plumbing pipes satiated its palate, and gave its teeth a pleasure of whatever nonsensical sort, at my expense.

Two loads of clothes have not been washed. The electrician, being a rare species is difficult to find, and if found, the probability of him actually doing the work is almost nil. And with my past experience, I will safely say "zero".

With no clothes left to wear, and an option of either washing the clothes or not bathing, I decided to sit down and wash the clothes.

By now, I was also in a state of despair for the extremely challenging things I was doing and not losing even a gram of weight. Washing clothes seemed like another thing that might kindle some promising results. I took one load of clothes, which consisted most of my clothes, and very few of my mother's. Since I had never washed clothes before, I had to get an instruction on how to execute this task. After mom explained how it is to be done, I decided to take the challenge. The very posture that I had to maintain to sit seemed like an endurance sport. Well, blame the kind of toilets we use nowadays!

By the time I began washing clothes, I was reminded of Gordon Ramsay and that kid in the above poster. I thought it was about time to forget doing any exercise, but just do my own work to keep me fit.

Like anyone's first day at the gym, my first day on the floor was....typical! I was exhausted pretty soon, by when I knew what an exercise it was and started falling short of breath because my legs were hurting. By now, I had successfully washed ONE t-shirt.

After finishing one load of clothes, I did the one thing everybody loves in a yoga session- sleep asana. I finished one session of intense workout and had my much deserved bath.
As of today, it took me a while to understand why my thighs have been hurting so bad whenever I try to walk.

A pun intended rant, on a parallel universe:
When you are driving on road, there is a reason you should keep an eye on the rear view mirror- so that you know what the bastards are up to behind your back!

Monday, June 8, 2015

Travel 2014

I just realized that I have not written anything on the travel in the year 2014. I strongly believe that traveling this year is going to be terribly limited, a polite way of saying that it can be probably nil.
All the more important to recollect travel 2014.

1. Solitude is a wonderful gift for therapy: I initially planned this trip as a destination I ve always wanted to go, and time was just right. It slowly turned out that I absolutely had to take the trip to reconcile from the several odds that I went through.

2. Don't build dreams based on Bollywood movies you saw as a kid: Enough said.

3. Breakfast is good: Those times when I was a kid, my dad used to tell my mom "she can as well stay home than go to school if she refuses to have breakfast". Not that skipping school was allowed, skipping breakfast is not allowed either. Trust me, it is a good idea.

4. You don't have to be rich to dream: Nor to live dreams. There is always a way if there is a way. Just go with the flow.

5. Have a map: I remember reading in the article "everyone is free to use sunscreen" that you should carry a map whether or not you use it. Don't always rely on the internet connectivity on your phone. Carry a map. The best thing that happened to me for having carried the map was that it gave me a freedom to go wherever I wanted to, and still find my way back, or my way wherever I wanted to go.

6. It is not bad to get lost: Come to think of it, getting lost was the best part of the trip. I went cycling to places I otherwise would not have bothered going to. I still found my way back. But those few hours of being lost were nice. If you are lost. You don't have to panic. Enjoy the new place, When you want to get back, just pull out your map. If you don't have your map, ensure you know how to find the trails to your place. It is not as tough as you might imagine.

7. The best part of an art museum is when you can get inside the head of the artist: I like Vincent Van Gogh. But having the option of knowing his life, his thoughts, his ideas and ideals in life could not make me like him more than what I now do.

8. Time management : It is a thing, kinda. However I hate this concept, and not a strict follower of it, it is something important to keep up with.

9. Life is calling: There is so much to see, so much to do, giving up is not a worthy option.


Gossip has somehow been the most appealing activity to many women. Surprisingly, or not so surprisingly, men also like to indulge in gossip.

I grew up being taught that gossip is not to be believed or entertained or to be considered as anything lesser than a sin where the Almighty will pierce your eyes out for that sin (Thank you game of Thrones season 4 for giving us an idea how it would have been like if the tambrahm kids actually had Ummachi kuthufying our eyes)

It is again noteworthy that the elders, nay the generation that has just retired, or has plans of retiring, or has retired long back enjoy the pleasure gossiping.

It takes a lot of people by an unbelievable surprise that gossip is something I don't engage in. Although I grew out of the fear that my Ummachi would bother coming all the way down to poke my eyes, I found it basically pointless. Further, I should also be honest that I never actually took the effort to learn how to gossip. Yes, I am THAT lazy.

As usual, there have been a series of events that made me take the effort of writing this post. I have been examining the nature of gossip. To me, I like to define it as the need to know private details of someone's life, judge, comment, have fun, compare thyself, mock insult, harm, feel jealous, (okay, the list is long), repeat
The inevitable aspect of gossip is that there is always a scapegoat.

I have been noticing people enjoying the idea of having me in the center of the circle. I cannot deny that I absolutely loathed it in the beginning. I used almost every word in the bible of cuss words, I wanted to do everything to defend myself, offend those, till at one point I decided to give up. That point came when I understood the mechanism of gossip. This is when I was happy about being lazy, and fearing God as a kid.

The last time I almost began to worry about being a scapegoat, I was reminded of how gossip looks like from my perspective. To put the entire thing in a few words, and one picture, here below is how gossip looks like, and shan't bother if you choose not to care.

Amused, de-stressed, peace restored. 

Monday, January 19, 2015


Every year, I take time to retrospect the previous year, and introspect for the coming year. This session strangely has been immense.

2014 was nothing short of a massive turbulence. I turned 25, and thought that things could not get worse.
Lesson 1: Never tell yourself things cannot get worse. Life will show you the worse !

These few days of 2015 has been much more severe and intense than the entire 365 days of last year. God knows what is in store for the rest of the days ! No, I am not questioning if it will be good or bad. I am just in my own paranoia to say the least.
Lesson 2: Never let anything even touch your core being. The harmony of your life does not deserve battering that you otherwise take.

Lesson 3: The physical body is mortal, ergo temporary. Does not really deserve all attention. It is the immortal that always gets unnoticed.

Lesson 4: Silence is golden

Lot more lessons learnt, too personal to write. And certainly a lot of things I look forward to. 

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Things you should not do on a weight loss schedule

All I needed to get back to writing was some interest to write, which I generally get when I read something inspiring enough, or come across something that touches me enough, or both.

Today, I felt the need of writing about weight loss. I also intend to write about my travel experiences. But that would come later.

It is a journey, and like any travel the destination is your own self. In this case as well, the journey is more important than the destination. The path you choose decides how and where you land.
In the beginning, get your reasons charted out. Write down the reasons you must lose weight. If the number crosses 10 where each one of them is valid, you should pull up your socks, and tie your laces, and be ready for an adventure.
My mother believes that when one is taught anything on practical application of a pure science, it is more important to say what should not be done than what all can be done. So I am writing down here all the don'ts, and my reason to write it. I have done all these things, and screwed my health massively, and learnt this the hard way.

1. Crash diet: Crash diet is a sudden change in your dietary habit replacing the food your body is familiar with. Remember that no system in the universe can accept anything sudden. Don't let your body take revenge on you for this act. Every diet of this sort is undoubtedly fad. I got admitted in the hospital for a whole month for going on a diet which my friend called indefinite torture, because I was on a liquid diet where I had nothing other than water for 13 days. I was perfectly alright till I touched the first bit of solid food, then had the worst pain of my life. I was in the hospital for a whole month, and it took me about a year to get the entire system to a reasonably good health. And for having done all this, I did not lose even one pound !

2. Too much of exercise: This is another thing that I did because dieting was out of option. Muscles lose their ability to do anything at one time. I landed in muscle fatigue, and could do nothing for weeks!

These two points I knew were senseless, and still followed them. The irony is that I have an official degree in Biotechnology, Biochemistry, and Chemistry. And these things were well taught, and I had also been evaluated on my knowledge in these areas. The reason I am writing this is because there will be a time when the need to lose weight, the desperation, or the sorrow will be strong enough to deceive the knowledge and sanity. Everyone who is officially fat will have this problem. I had this. But what you have to learn is to pay deaf ears to people who comment or mock or ridicule or treat you different for the reason you are fat. I have had fat people with fat children giving me advice and making comments about me. It was hard, but now my attitude keeps them at bay. They don't like the way I don't encourage their crap, but you should stop taking crap from people. 

3. Buying clothes of smaller size: A lot of people think that clothes of smaller size is a big time motivation to lose weight. But it is not. There is no shortcut to losing your weight and knocking off those inches. So by the time you lose your weight, chances are high that it would be out of style. You would have wasted your money on something that won't fit you forever. Accept it, you will never come to a state where your skin will touch your bones. It is not healthy either. You will come again to a level to receive comments "aapka size nahin hai" (we don't have (clothes) your size)etc. I have big time junk in my house of clothes that don't fit me, and I have never touched at all. It is such a waste of space, and it demotivates me that it has been ages since I had this in my shelf and never succeeded in getting into it. It demotivates me more than anything else.

4. Rely on someone to keep you motivated to lose weight: Don't wait for someone to remind you everyday to workout or stick to your diet. If you don't care to be there for yourself, who do you think should care for it? You need commitment with yourself more than anything else. Don't either wait for an ideal time to start your schedule. Tomorrow never comes. If it does, and you are not ready for it, it will kill you for not having done things that should have been done yesterday.

5. Hating yourself for the physique: Well you deserve to hate yourself for the negligence that caused this weight issue. Evidently your feelings have not done anything good to have a positive effect on losing weight or on arresting weight gain. Don't be harsh on yourself. Remember if you love and care for yourself is when others will bother to love or care for you. If you are already a snob, this point is not for you, neither is my page for you. But when you love yourself, you will all the more have reasons to be careful while doing anything to yourself. If you think you are ugly, you must realize that it is your perception that is ugly, and not yourself(physique)

6. Have unrealistic goals: No matter what your weight is, even if you are just a few kgs overweight, give yourself plenty of time. Don't think that you can easily shed 1 kilo in 2 days. Give yourself ample time, and enjoy your journey of loving yourself and giving yourself the gift of a good physique. Don't make calculations of how many grams a day you should lose a day to reach your goal. It is not a wise way of working. Unrealistic goals are absolute certainty of losing motivation.

7. Irregularity: Discipline is a major asset in one's life. If you are not disciplined with your eating and working out, don't expect your body to be in a disciplined structure. You must eat the food the body is familiar with, and do your workouts so that it is sure that you won't deprive it of nutrition. Chances are high that you will bloat if you don't have regularity in your exercise schedule. Discipline in life will take you places. Inculcate the habit of discipline in every aspect of your life.

8. Checking the weight everyday: You should check your weight everyday only when you are in shape. When you are on a weight loss program, your weight would fluctuate, and thus will not keep your enthusiasm on top always. Check your weight before you start, and then every 15 days till you arrive at the ideal weight.

9. Surgery/popping pills: If your weight gain is due to medical conditions, have the medicines prescribed by the doctor. If you are popping pills to accelerate weight loss, you are going to be FUBAR. Surgery is even worse. I know a friend who went for liposuction, and was screaming everyday because she felt her body burn wherever the liposuction had been done. Trust me, it is not something you can even bear to listen when someone else is going through.

10. Changing plans: Remember that you should only do what you enjoy doing. If you don't like yoga, dont do it. If you don't like working out in a gym, don't do it. Do some physical activity that will bring down your weight. Don't remain idle. If you feel going to the gym is better when you are in a yoga schedule, or the vice-versa, it is a bad habit. Do whatever you like, but stick to it.

11. Be your own doctor: Having a degree in life sciences, I did not start my plan without taking the necessary tests to assess myself. Please consult your doctor about your health condition. For example, if you are not supposed to cut your sugar intake or salt intake, and do them, you will land up in big mess. Have a master checkup done, take the reports to your doctor, and ask him/her if you are fit for dieting/exercise, and most importantly ask what you should not do. Don't be your own doctor and make your own decisions. Go to your family doctor instead of a "nutritionist" in a corporate hospital who is actually an intern trying to kill time and make money. No sane person will give you advice without knowing your medical background. So switch to your deaf mode if someone starts giving you free advice. Tell them you have no intention to pay attention or money for their advice.