Yet indeed another post of venting out my frustration etc... here.
Its technically my birthday eve, and i was quite happy till evening. but then i was reminded of a few events that made me totally mad.
Well the madness revolves around a few people and as usual my mother was victimized by my anger.
One such situation happened to another close friend of mine and she was in the same state as i am now. As usual of me, i just listened and changed the topic with the prime reason being that i really dint and still dont know what to do in those situations.
What is the situation? - Jerks! Who else?
There are some jerks revolving around my existence who consider themselves so important in my life that i cannot exist without them (as though i havent till i got to know them. Like i read somewhere and like what that friend said "they think that they define who i am."
its all BS. theres an ultimate core of myself that has an active mind that gives me my own identity and these people do not form any part of that.
Now all certain done, having realized this... what can i/ what did i do?
continued to have this feeling of kicking them hard and burning them in a hell hot oil, or even silly- shouting out loud to the world that i disown them from my life.
can i do either of them? NO i cant. so am i at peace or atleast relatively better? nope not at all.
when i did some research on pain and got some results, i was way to happy to write it down here. But it feels pathetic that there are so many things that one has to get over in life. and i realize that i have barely conquered anything. and all i can do is yawn, and get going and "shut up and listen" to those retards, and move myself out. God Save Me!!!!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Pain
if i were to define pain in my own words in a dictionary style, i would say, "a manifestation of stress in the physical body "
but theres a lot beyond that. i ve attended very few discourses, and was compelled to listen to some from people who considered themselves philosophically great. i am not complaining about them here.
Whenever i d sit on a meditation, or intend to ask something in return for my prayers, or do some kind of sadhna, i land up in pain (i m not very ashamed to agree that i cannot squat for more than an hour. beyond that, you d find me struggling with my legs).
sometimes, i experience pain in my head, or stomach or legs on anywhere when i d least expect a pain. and whenever i d get pain, i forget everything. i forget the fact that i m a sophisticated being, an educated idiot, or a cultured girl, or rather most importantly my schedule for that hour/day or sometimes, i even forget what i actually want.
now in the case of pain interrupting my prayer/sadhna. theres obviously a reason when i m doing it (or rather anyone for the matter of fact. if not anything atleast some mental peace. but no one asks just for mental peace all the time)
so when i am doing something like that, and get attacked by pain, my first request from God happens to be "get me free from this pain before i continue"
I realized what i am doing quite late. so in one of the prayer session in a temple where i was sitting amidst several people, i was attacked by pain again. i was silent. i decided not to "talk to God" about my pain. i was wriggling. Like a worm, a maggot, and couldnt help it. i eventually lost my entire concentration. At the end of it, i was not as happy as i would have otherwise been. generally such embarassing situations happens in public. but sometimes happens even when u are alone.
Leave alone public gatherings, when u dont particularly think of "asking" anything from anyone, when pain attacks you, youd forget what you are supposed to be doing that hour/ day. its like a repercussion for doing nothing harmful. (or sometimes for really having done it)
here is something that i kinda derived to have the pain and yet not let it bother your work.
first of all you sit quiet. in this silence you now exist with your pain. its only you and the pain. and declare to yourself that you no longer take responsibility of that pain. and that it plays no role in teaching you anything. declare that your mind and spirit does not accept the pain and they shall support you for what you want to do. . Try to be in a state of realization that the pain does not define you, or your efficiency or state of mind.
this should help you atleast till you finish your work.
*DISCLAIMER: i do not preach or support you to stop taking medicines of any sort. so pharmaceutical people stay away. :P
but theres a lot beyond that. i ve attended very few discourses, and was compelled to listen to some from people who considered themselves philosophically great. i am not complaining about them here.
Whenever i d sit on a meditation, or intend to ask something in return for my prayers, or do some kind of sadhna, i land up in pain (i m not very ashamed to agree that i cannot squat for more than an hour. beyond that, you d find me struggling with my legs).
sometimes, i experience pain in my head, or stomach or legs on anywhere when i d least expect a pain. and whenever i d get pain, i forget everything. i forget the fact that i m a sophisticated being, an educated idiot, or a cultured girl, or rather most importantly my schedule for that hour/day or sometimes, i even forget what i actually want.
now in the case of pain interrupting my prayer/sadhna. theres obviously a reason when i m doing it (or rather anyone for the matter of fact. if not anything atleast some mental peace. but no one asks just for mental peace all the time)
so when i am doing something like that, and get attacked by pain, my first request from God happens to be "get me free from this pain before i continue"
I realized what i am doing quite late. so in one of the prayer session in a temple where i was sitting amidst several people, i was attacked by pain again. i was silent. i decided not to "talk to God" about my pain. i was wriggling. Like a worm, a maggot, and couldnt help it. i eventually lost my entire concentration. At the end of it, i was not as happy as i would have otherwise been. generally such embarassing situations happens in public. but sometimes happens even when u are alone.
Leave alone public gatherings, when u dont particularly think of "asking" anything from anyone, when pain attacks you, youd forget what you are supposed to be doing that hour/ day. its like a repercussion for doing nothing harmful. (or sometimes for really having done it)
here is something that i kinda derived to have the pain and yet not let it bother your work.
first of all you sit quiet. in this silence you now exist with your pain. its only you and the pain. and declare to yourself that you no longer take responsibility of that pain. and that it plays no role in teaching you anything. declare that your mind and spirit does not accept the pain and they shall support you for what you want to do. . Try to be in a state of realization that the pain does not define you, or your efficiency or state of mind.
this should help you atleast till you finish your work.
*DISCLAIMER: i do not preach or support you to stop taking medicines of any sort. so pharmaceutical people stay away. :P
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Education System In India
For those of you expecting my critical comments on this topic, i am very sorry to disappoint you.
I dont care about the system as such. If i start cribbing about this, then i ll be led to a series of systems and land up in a conclusion that the system of my very existence is pathetically mundane. its like this column in face book or orkut where you are expected to provide your political views. believe me the opinion about the educational system in India would have as many rebellious opinions as the political views.
Here s what happened. A few days back we were given an assignment on this topic and asked to take a side for a debate. fortunately i did not attend the debate due to some personal reason. the very sight of the topic made me feel drained.
but then yesterday, i felt i should give it a thought, and let all the voices in my head speak out their opinion and come up with a summary.
I began thinking for myself without considering any other Indian kid as an example.
I was put in one of the most prestigious school since my play school. Then, in a corporate junior college, and then a good enough degree college. I have no complaints about my life in general in college. But when i think of in terms of intellectual growth, i really feel ashamed of myself for having wasted 3 years of my life. when i just completed my graduation, i came across a quote which said "about 80% of a person's intelligence is irreversibly damaged in due course of education of a 20 years of life". i realized how freakingly true it was. i was all hyper by the time i joined ug. and today, after having finished it, i feel i have got nothing to fly high in life according to my capacity/ ability.
here, the one to be blamed is not the educational system, but my very self. i regretted for choosing a typical college life which kinda promised me a definite future. what i actually keep seeking is an in depth knowledge in almost every amazing thing that i could come across. may not particularly master it or become a teacher in that field, but know everything i should to be able to enjoy it well with all its essence.
since school, i ve not been much of playground kid, but more a library kid. the world is the largest library with things happening live for you to learn, and i had certainly grown up enough to go through that learning. today when i see the road i had wrongly chosen before my degree, i repent. but i dont want to repeat my mistake again. i am now a free bird and i am "investing" my time on learning what all i could from the world.
For those people wondering how at all this could be interesting, its very simple.
1. Travel- its the most intense form of learning.
2. Read- find your own book and go ahead. dont expect some system to tell you what topics you should be reading. See what interests you, try to explore new things all by yourself.
3. Listen to a lot of music. try to sing out. even if you are not a very good singer. Play some musical instrument. Sometime during this process, you are sure to get bored or tired. you must have some recreation.
4. Go for some adventure sport. enjoy that adrenaline gush.
5. Work. doing all this is not cheap or economical. Worse- parents would surely not like this.
*DISCLAIMER* the above mentioned are safe to imply only after you are grown up enough to go out into the world with a strong foundation of grooming.
I have chosen to be this way hoping to fill my blog with lots of adventures, excitements and learning in my journey.
current track: para para pattaampoochi- katradhu tamizh
I dont care about the system as such. If i start cribbing about this, then i ll be led to a series of systems and land up in a conclusion that the system of my very existence is pathetically mundane. its like this column in face book or orkut where you are expected to provide your political views. believe me the opinion about the educational system in India would have as many rebellious opinions as the political views.
Here s what happened. A few days back we were given an assignment on this topic and asked to take a side for a debate. fortunately i did not attend the debate due to some personal reason. the very sight of the topic made me feel drained.
but then yesterday, i felt i should give it a thought, and let all the voices in my head speak out their opinion and come up with a summary.
I began thinking for myself without considering any other Indian kid as an example.
I was put in one of the most prestigious school since my play school. Then, in a corporate junior college, and then a good enough degree college. I have no complaints about my life in general in college. But when i think of in terms of intellectual growth, i really feel ashamed of myself for having wasted 3 years of my life. when i just completed my graduation, i came across a quote which said "about 80% of a person's intelligence is irreversibly damaged in due course of education of a 20 years of life". i realized how freakingly true it was. i was all hyper by the time i joined ug. and today, after having finished it, i feel i have got nothing to fly high in life according to my capacity/ ability.
here, the one to be blamed is not the educational system, but my very self. i regretted for choosing a typical college life which kinda promised me a definite future. what i actually keep seeking is an in depth knowledge in almost every amazing thing that i could come across. may not particularly master it or become a teacher in that field, but know everything i should to be able to enjoy it well with all its essence.
since school, i ve not been much of playground kid, but more a library kid. the world is the largest library with things happening live for you to learn, and i had certainly grown up enough to go through that learning. today when i see the road i had wrongly chosen before my degree, i repent. but i dont want to repeat my mistake again. i am now a free bird and i am "investing" my time on learning what all i could from the world.
For those people wondering how at all this could be interesting, its very simple.
1. Travel- its the most intense form of learning.
2. Read- find your own book and go ahead. dont expect some system to tell you what topics you should be reading. See what interests you, try to explore new things all by yourself.
3. Listen to a lot of music. try to sing out. even if you are not a very good singer. Play some musical instrument. Sometime during this process, you are sure to get bored or tired. you must have some recreation.
4. Go for some adventure sport. enjoy that adrenaline gush.
5. Work. doing all this is not cheap or economical. Worse- parents would surely not like this.
*DISCLAIMER* the above mentioned are safe to imply only after you are grown up enough to go out into the world with a strong foundation of grooming.
I have chosen to be this way hoping to fill my blog with lots of adventures, excitements and learning in my journey.
current track: para para pattaampoochi- katradhu tamizh
Friday, August 6, 2010
Enge Brahmanan? (where is the brahmin?)
This post has nothing to do with Cho's work "enge brahmanan". but it is a title i give to the things that i witness.
I am a brahmin by birth and by choice. i follow atleast most of the traditions of a brahmin (brahmana dharma).
Times have changed and there is a vast change in lifestyle since the time the brahmana dharma was even written. i agree that and i accept the changes hence made. But i always wonder when a person of any other caste/religion is not ashamed of following it righteously, why is a brahmin running away from his/her traditions?
here are the few things that annoy me to the core:
1.(S)He would not know even few basic words of sanskrit. worse is that they dont even know to speak their mother tongue. they can only speak english or some foreign language.
2. (S)He would not know that the basics of brahminism lies in hygiene. even a student of core science would detest this person.
3. (S)He would not even visit a temple once a year. and they would come up with some useless philosophy of their own to prove themselves right.
4. (S)He would be totally unaware about the method of performing puja.
5. (S)He would find great joy in eating non veg.
Yesterday, i was in a puja in a big gathering where the lady performing the puja did not know some basic ethics of the puja. she did not know when to light the camphor, what to do with a haldi ganapathi idol. worse she didnt know which diety she was actually supposed to offer her prayers to.
then, in the middle of the prayer, when everybody is seriously involved into it, she is busy playing with her kid, and feeding her the naivedyam which is meant to be offered to god. and she offers the remaining to god. useless explanation she is giving me for not knowing to whom she is supposed to worship. after seeing her latter aparadham, i did not even bother telling her the mistake.
If one choses a dharma to live, be it brahmana, or kshatryia, or vysya or sudra, follow the rules properly so that u dont have another blogger talk ill about such people ruining the beauty of the dharma they follow.
I am a brahmin by birth and by choice. i follow atleast most of the traditions of a brahmin (brahmana dharma).
Times have changed and there is a vast change in lifestyle since the time the brahmana dharma was even written. i agree that and i accept the changes hence made. But i always wonder when a person of any other caste/religion is not ashamed of following it righteously, why is a brahmin running away from his/her traditions?
here are the few things that annoy me to the core:
1.(S)He would not know even few basic words of sanskrit. worse is that they dont even know to speak their mother tongue. they can only speak english or some foreign language.
2. (S)He would not know that the basics of brahminism lies in hygiene. even a student of core science would detest this person.
3. (S)He would not even visit a temple once a year. and they would come up with some useless philosophy of their own to prove themselves right.
4. (S)He would be totally unaware about the method of performing puja.
5. (S)He would find great joy in eating non veg.
Yesterday, i was in a puja in a big gathering where the lady performing the puja did not know some basic ethics of the puja. she did not know when to light the camphor, what to do with a haldi ganapathi idol. worse she didnt know which diety she was actually supposed to offer her prayers to.
then, in the middle of the prayer, when everybody is seriously involved into it, she is busy playing with her kid, and feeding her the naivedyam which is meant to be offered to god. and she offers the remaining to god. useless explanation she is giving me for not knowing to whom she is supposed to worship. after seeing her latter aparadham, i did not even bother telling her the mistake.
If one choses a dharma to live, be it brahmana, or kshatryia, or vysya or sudra, follow the rules properly so that u dont have another blogger talk ill about such people ruining the beauty of the dharma they follow.
Magical Logical 20!
its winter already and it feels like i ve lived the 20th winter just yesterday, although a LOT of things have happened during the 20th winter and summer.
the 20th birthday was one of the most worst birthdays ever. i was as ill as possible, and dint have my birthday cake. eventually by winter i grew out of cakes. if i m right, its been more than 2 years that i ve had cake.
last year, i really loved the rains, i enjoyed them like an adolescent. this year i just hated it. i no longer felt any thrill in getting wet or driving the car between puddles.
winter was cold, and painful. a few things got resolved in winter, and some worsened. i welcomed the year 2010 with a lot of hope and expectations. had some surprises and a lot of disappointments. summer was one of the worst time of the year for its heat and other things.
overall, till today there has been a great deal of learning making it logical.
some miracles happened making it magical.
and when i place myself 365 days prior to today, i find myself so different today. i guess this is what makes a person an adult or a grown up!
and i now proudly welcome the 21st year awaiting lots more adventures
the 20th birthday was one of the most worst birthdays ever. i was as ill as possible, and dint have my birthday cake. eventually by winter i grew out of cakes. if i m right, its been more than 2 years that i ve had cake.
last year, i really loved the rains, i enjoyed them like an adolescent. this year i just hated it. i no longer felt any thrill in getting wet or driving the car between puddles.
winter was cold, and painful. a few things got resolved in winter, and some worsened. i welcomed the year 2010 with a lot of hope and expectations. had some surprises and a lot of disappointments. summer was one of the worst time of the year for its heat and other things.
overall, till today there has been a great deal of learning making it logical.
some miracles happened making it magical.
and when i place myself 365 days prior to today, i find myself so different today. i guess this is what makes a person an adult or a grown up!
and i now proudly welcome the 21st year awaiting lots more adventures
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)