The New Christmas

Its been ages since i felt like this, and i am happy to write it down and share it.

It has been some sort of a co- incidence that most of my friends on facebook felt like they ve been " missing their own self" at the same time when i was feeling so.
One starts to grow up after school, and (s)he grows up in so many different ways, sometimes missing a part of oneself that defines the core. I had been feeling that quite a lot although i was very happy to welcome a lot of drastic changes in life.
The best thing that could happen would be to strike a right balance between the change and the constant "actual" self. I believe it is one of the toughest things to balance.
To balance anything, you need to touch the two extremes to know the mid point.
I am happy i touched extremes. But when you touch any extreme, it is tough for you to turn back.
It was in the beginning of December when i had met an official who is about 10 years senior to me, and had a conversation with him. I was confident enough to answer him anything he had asked me. I think the fact that my conversation with him would not do any great harm to my career gave me the confidence to speak bold (although i m glad it did some good). i enjoyed the whole day for having made him feel dumb with my answers, and he was short of questions. A narcissist i am who likes to make people shut up with my wits. Its a main reason i like to read, and know most of the things no matter how odd it is in the name of "general knowledge". And i do just everything possible to update my "general knowledge", and believe me, i ve been tagged by my best friend that i have a perseverance that knows no limits!
A few days later, i happened to talk to a friend who is only 2 years senior to me. Once i started answering, he asked me more and more questions. It was not many questions till i felt that i need to think further. i felt damn horrible that i could not answer a person who is just 2 years senior than me, when i could comfortably make a person 10 years senior speechless. He then reminded me of an age old technique that i used to follow to achieve whatever i have. It was a technique i followed well, and even taught it to about 100 people to make a difference in their life, and eventually in due course of time, i stopped practicing it.
That night i did not sleep, and worked on it. For about a week, i was immersed into an introspection.
Finally, i broke out of it two days back, and began working on the tasks that i had decided.
I landed giving myself a wonderful Christmas Gift. Here are the results of working out with that technique:
1. I no longer "miss" myself. i came back with a bang! :D :P
2. I could come to the center to be able to balance some odd extremes.
3. I started working on issues that are really pending, my priorities, and the rest. (don't ask what all they are, for its awfully lengthy to write down here in this space. so save yourself :P )
4. I decided that i shall not miss my dad, this Christmas i did everything that i would perhaps do if my dad were alive today.
I did not cut a whole KG of cake and decorate my house. But i lived up to the actual Christmas spirit.
My cook had bought some cake for me as he knows that Christmas is uniquely special to me and dad would have made sure that there is cake for Christmas.
I saw my dad in the cake that we all had together.
I was into sharing and giving things like how dad likes it.
I remember reading in one of my friend's status message that one doesn't have to wait for Christmas to learn to share/ give things. My dad sure was a person who believed that, although he had his own way of putting it to me. But i had to wait for Christmas to remind myself of dad, and i am glad about it.
I got in to do something that he really missed doing. Something that he would love to do if he were alive. and i took up doing it as a grown up. If he were alive today, he would be so happy to see me doing what he dreamt. What i did is a beautiful secret between us, and he d love to see me keep up the friendship even after his death.

There are a lot of people who have lost either of their parents in their life, and it sure is a scar no doubt, worse is that it gives a feeling of being "shattered" among the family members who are still alive. It has take me 11 years to realize that my father can still live. Its our thoughts and love that makes them continue to live.
I ve felt him alive in my Christmas today, and hope to see him in every festival to come in future.
It felt like he had taken along with him a part of our lives when he died, but today i feel that he has left some part of his life for us to live with.
I live in his dreams, his hopes, his ambitions, and of all things, his friendship and look forward to find him in many more things in life. It would surely be nice to have him here to celebrate the joy together, but it is not so horrible to cry in his physical absence.

Somewhere in ether, i believe his soul is wandering and my love would surely touch him and tell him that i d always be proud of being his daughter-friend. Merry Christmas appa! 

Au revoir 2010

It has indeed been long since i wrote anything here, and before the year ends, i felt i better make a post

2010- damn i cant believe a whole year has passed by! i m still surprised by that. but life goes on, so i m ready for 2011

I dont remember how things were during jan, feb or march. all i can gather is that i tried hard to get over the T vacation that we had and made a really hard effort to have the text books open (dont ask me how much i read nor my marks) a part of the "not so happy" part of my life began when april started. continued for quite sometime, retrospecting back, i m glad that whatever happened, happened for good.  Graduated this year- threw away all the science books from my life and changed my track to get into Arts.
june and july were horrible. august was ok. i was atleast not that ill like the other times, so thats the best gift life has given me.
the only notable thing the whole year has been french. i started my french classes as soon as my exams got over. i started my course in the alliance francaise from the second level in the month of may- june.
since then, french has been the love of my life. for whatever reasons which only my dairy knows, i sincerely love it and i doubt if i d love the man of my life the way i love the language.
there is nothing without obstacles- august- september was really bad at french.. i felt i m gonna stop it at that level. but my determination to stick to it was worth. september- october- november: i dont know when it passed by! december was amazing. i really felt like what i wanted to.
There have been a LOT of changes in the second half of the year, a makeover that i expected has taken place, although the makeover in my physical appearance seems to take more time, a beautiful start has happened.
Its year end, and i am back to the hyperness which i once had and forgot about them after the stressful times i had till july. i really wish i get back here next december really chirpy.

last december was pretty philosophical (philosophy is no less this year, just that i m too lazy to write them down here. but damn all my 6 senses are charged with philosophy!)
and yes my rule of NEVER trusting anyone seems to be the "default" instruction for my life. no matter who it is, i shant trust for trust is THE thing you need for betrayal.
and thoughts for the year that i would like to leave here for me to see whenever i d want to:
1 Wannabes:  never encourage them. they ll suck just everything out of you.
2 Discussing opinions: never let anyone know about your opinions- for they are your own (er.. i guess i said the same thing last year giving it an analogy with assholes. damn! why is it that i m having to write it again?)
3 Talks: being talkative is not at all an advantage, no matter who the person is with whom you are having your conversation
4 Life: there is just one life to live, and live it without any regrets. Neither regrets nor guilt.
5 Money: a damn bloody necessary evil. you cannot live nor die without it
6 Work: a place where hypocrites are called diplomats.
7 Thoughts: the philosophical thing that i learnt "pass not any judgment". (dreaming is good. very good infact :P )
8 Singing and dancing: the best ways to love yourself better. i feel that it adds on the romance when you are an artist.
9 Redemption: with about 100% proof, i declare that the "quit india movement" is the real redemption.
10 Where am i going?: wherever life takes me!