A significant Decision

Till last Sunday, I was cribbing about few particular people who get a job done out of me, and forget about it when it comes to giving me my credits/recognition. Worse, I was pushed away having my age as a factor(I never even received anything like "thank you" to add up to my frustration). So at about Saturday, I decided to put an end to it by reminding these certain people of my age whenever I would have to oblige them.

The plan was all set, and I was relieved. Sunday was an event, and I was dropped back home by a friend who is pretty senior to me by age, and I happened to quote this situation and my decision. This is what she said as a reply "Welcome to the real world, where you shall not find recognition at all no matter what you do. You just have to accept it and keep going on. And this will be so till you die"
It struck me real hard, and made me think the whole night. I am a person who believes "You are never too young to work on anything, you are never too late to reach out to your heart"
Indeed, I worked on things that came from my heart. I take pleasure in working even on weekends or late nights at times. I then decided that if I chose to ignore comments made at me for working at odd hours which means nothing to me, I should ignore the "need" to be recognized. As long as my work has touched my heart, I have got the best recognition.
And like I spoke in my previous post, I would be living happily than surviving on credits/appreciation given by others which most certainly wont always be genuine.
I took a moment to go through this picture and use the logic in it in my life. Things that I want to do to make sure I always reach out to my own heart.

Surviving, living, just being

We are at an age where our identity is not our family name nor the achievements/history of the family, but what we are! our studies, our looks, our work.
I would not want to say that this change is bad. I in fact like this change. There are several reasons that such criteria are measures of an identity.

Building a new generation identity, and creating a niche is a completely self made process, and most of the times not an easy task. But doing all this for the people who are judgmental is total crap!

Living vs surviving: This somehow is a major point of ponder for me over the last month. Of how people have different ways to look at life and actually live it.
I just finished reading nandhini's post on marriage, and I relate a lot of the content to acceptance.
Acceptance has a lot to do with personal and professional life.
There is a friend of mine, who is a geek/nerd, who decided to teach engineering students immediately after graduating. It is his life, his choice. But the problem started when he decided he was old enough to have a partner. He was not chosen by people (#Indian arranged marriages ! ), because he did not go to work for an IT company to earn few more lakhs than he actually does.
One fine day when he was talking to my mom about this, he said
"well yes aunty, I agree I could mint money in an IT firm, but the women are too dim to understand that I have something that those guys don't have : the time to spend the money I earn !"
Such a solid point it was !

One has to work hard no matter what their work is. Period !

Then I happened to meet a colleague who was telling that going to an IT firm was absolutely of no use when he got all that he wanted with what he is doing now.


Another colleague whom I immediately took into a close circle, told me "I am not rich, neither is my husband. He works as an architect in a small firm, doesn't earn much. But you see he always earns something for sure, and is not in an eternal threat" #Most valid point !

Another friend (a senior actually) "My brother works in the UK, earns a whopping salary, whereas I started my work here in a very small scale, and over the years, today I earn more than my friends. But if you compare me and my brother, I have something he doesn't- Surety of job, and peace of mind ! "

A small statistics here about Indian men who earn less (< 5/ 8lakhs per anum): These are the men who don't care whether the woman works or not. The ones who earn less than 5 lakhs on the other hand prefer their woman not working at all and take care of her like a queen. Whereas the ones who earn anything more than 8 (there might be some rare exceptions), are firm that their woman should earn (her own) money !
So you see how too much money makes you greedy for more, and how you just survive on probabilities on having a better project, more money, a rich wife, or a supposedly big life. Whereas people who find happiness in every little thing, actually live.

I don't mean to say that you need to earn less to live. You need to find your time to live. You can even earn lakhs or crores a year, and still know where to draw a line, to "live". But for some strange reason most of us are madly driven into building a reputation of earning big, than living big, and I can very safely say that the ones in a rush are the ones who are least happy or peaceful. Having read this, decide if you see yourself surviving the several competitions or living the real life

Chennai 2012

I can very safely call it the "Chennai 2012", as I go there only once a year for one or two days, and it is enough for an entire year. I have never bothered to extend my stay even for an hour. I go there to worship my Guru, and He is the only factor that takes me to Chennai.

Chennai is a city that changes itself often. Even if you live there for a decade, you can still be new there. Its extreme climatic condition makes visiting there an unforgettable experience. This trip, including my mom a lot of close friends have fallen terribly ill.

This year, I was busy traveling elsewhere and didn't bother accompanying mom to buy the Chennai tickets. Neither did I  bother to know the dates, as I know for sure that no matter where in the world I am, I will definitely make it to the annual worship. So when I get to know the dates, I realize we are leaving Chennai the next day!


The first thing I want to do is to meet my two dear friends there, and we made a plan to meet. If you would like to know what exactly happened throughout the meet, read N's perspective of the meet. (I am sure you will love reading it)
Don't ask me why suddenly I have started loving the beach again, but I just happened to love it the way I used to long back. Hence it was me who insisted on going to the beach. And I just realized that we had a brownie to substitute a cake.


Time just FLEW. Talking nonsense, seeing a not very useful person, and doing so many useless things was compensated by knowing more about photography, photographs, Govind's camera, and posing for Nandhini and Govind's camera.  (After reading my previous post, Govind asks me, oh by the way who is the G in that post of yours knowing well that it is him! I don't know why he chooses to act funny at times)
The time was well spent, and I didn't regret my extended stay as meeting Nandhini and Govind was such a pleasure.

My opinion about Chennai- It is a city that has its own charm in several ways, I was talking to Sri Ram the other day about Carnatic music, the way it is in Hyderabad and the way it is in Chennai. Both of us who extremely dislike Chennai could not disagree that Chennai is indeed better than Hyderabad in many ways.
The first time I actually enjoyed Chennai was when I went shopping with my cousin. There was SO much in the city. If it were less polluted, and had a more tolerable weather, I would infact love living there. Now that my work doesn't demand me to live there, I am extremely happy.
But for the above two, you can certainly find a lot of reasons why Chennai can be a good place to live.

I am glad that this visit has ended on a nice note, and I am looking forward to visiting it next year. And before that I am waiting to have Nandhini and Govind at Hyderabad.


PS: Govind has now got eatalian poisoning.

Current Track: Doosri Darling- 7 Khoon Maaf

I Don't Know Why the Kolaveri

Yet another post today that adds to the insignificance in our lives.
The last week has been weird. I have had all possible things happening to me. And nowadays, I get scared of Fridays because weekends are disasters. Nothing mine worth writing here, so I am going to write about what happened to a friend of mine, and in which direction I began thinking.

This friend of mine to whom I spoke when I much needed to, happened to tell me a story of his own which was actually painful. He has been fighting depression for a reason of his own(no points for guessing that it was provoked by a girl)

After this conversation, I logged in to facebook, and as usual the home page was filled with notifications of friends sharing pathetically insignificant photos. One of which, I found appropriate to his situation.

Unfortunate Reality 

 

 

Yes, strange things have happened to him, worse than what you see in the picture above. But I would have never felt sad for a guy if he were not my friend(not a close friend like this one). I would have just said "Serves all the guys right! " and keep going with my life.
Finding a soul mate or even searching your own soul for that matter is a freaky thing. (After my attempt to search my own soul, I preferred to tell myself that "ignorance is bliss" is the heights of enlightenment.)

These are things to do only if you are really tough with yourself or old enough to see the unexpected. And having such guts is next to impossible.
But for many people who think that a Prince/Princess would come to the rescue, life is only going to be an endless wait. Get out and save yourself, at least don't put yourself into trouble. Getting over an emotional situation is never pleasant whether you are a man or a woman. The more practical and principled you are in life, the lesser are the chances that you might get into trouble. If you let emotions take the lead, it is going to ruin you and make you its prisoner. I still don't understand how people break up and get depressed if that is what they volunteered to choose.
It is indeed tough for just any person. Blessed are the people who don't get angry even when provoked, who don't get sad even in turmoil, who don't cry even in pain. But neither will they be able to smile in happiness, or laugh in joy.

Something that I NEVER expected I will ever do, I did. I was listening to the Kolaveri song all Sunday, and found sense in it. (yes, I hate myself for that already)

Current track: midi 20- A French Slam by Grand Corps Malade

The Insignificant New Year

This year is new enough for me to get into the technical aspects.
The feeling of 2012 has sunk in after about a whole month (yes, technically, 2 days left!)
This year is characteristic in our lives (mine, and the few friends of mine of my age).
It is called the "insignificant year of our lives". Like I had written in my previous post about crises, it seems that it is a part of the insignificance.

Last time I had quite a few things to say in the beginning and the end of the year. This year may or may not be a collective attempt to not curse our past.

This list of things would rather be for the happy moments of the insignificant year!

1. Work: Yes, now all of us are working, and we are so serious about it. Reason why I am serious about mine is because it promises to pay me to buy things I wanted, and financially support me for my insanity.At the moment, a beautiful camera is the driving force.

2. Traveling: You can never do too much of traveling. Having the energy, time, and money at a time to do anything is impossible. I decide to travel for many reasons, traveling does good things to me (has done bad things as well. But just that I ve learn't not to go on adventures without vaccination)

3. Reading: Learning is such a never ending process, and reading is the best way to learn. Very few people in existence are impressive speakers to impart anything worth remembering all life. Plus, reading proves to be a wonderful relaxation to the mind body and soul. This year, I am going to indulge in reading not just in English but also in French.

4. New Language: I am telling my friends how learning a new language gives you a new soul (I am not assuring you of any soul mate), and how wonderful it feels to be able to express yourself in a new dimension!
This year for, next on the cards is either Spanish or Arabic, whichever comes first. (French is my love, and I will continue to dedicate my work life only for French)

5. Fighting out things: All of us are upset about some one thing specific to our lives that is bothering us at our core. It is not easy to live with, but I think we can fight it out. I am going to fight out, and resolve things in life without waiting for help or company. My first step, I went shopping, and it has helped me make a kick start.

6. Living up to Dreams: Dreams and fantasies have been so integral in our lives till date, but somehow there are moments that make us abandon our dreams that define us in their own way. My list of dreams is ceaselessly long, and I doubt if I will be able to achieve all of them within this year. But if I make a start, nevertheless, I am sure I can tick off quite a few things in the list. (it is only human to want more )

7. Physical activities: Yes, we are all on an imbalanced side of health and weight now. For me physical activity is such a must not just for the good health of my physical body, but also for my mental body and emotional body. Who knows if I would really be able to play the sports I have been wanting to for long time. (let things reveal themselves gradually over the year (:

8. Meditation: We are letting life stress us out so much that physical activities just wont suffice !
I for one, should stop hyperventilating on useless things, and get serious about relaxation techniques.

9. Mistakes: To be bold enough to make mistakes, and learn from them to never repeat them again is a blessing. This year I hope to be bold enough to make new mistakes if that is what I should do to learn somethings. I have thankfully learn't lessons from my previous mistakes, and I wish I get to employ things this year well enough.

10. The special effects: I am going to be wearing my chef hat again, and start off making exotic dishes encore. It has been a while since I have let the masterchef side of me into the kitchen. I am going to note these details in french in my journal, and if it is turns out something worth reading, it will be shared.
I am going to get the guitar(my proud possession) out of the bag, and make an honest attempt to play it, and sing a few songs along with it.

11. Put up with morons with a pleasing smile: I have started on one. Every new day shows you a new moron. I am not going to expect seeing miracles (ahem ahem.. miracles can happen on anything), or wonderful people, but definitely going to grow up this year in handling them with some better maturity.
There are beautiful lessons that one would learn while doing this, and I shall share those details if the look worth sharing by the end of the year.

 By the end of everything, I am not perturbed if I would become a part of the cosmic dust in exactly a year from now. I am glad that I am in this state of mind.
Happy New year to one and all.. and wishing happy memories for the insignificant year to the ones of my age.

Mujhe Mil Jo Jaye Thoda Paisa

I generally have a habit of ending my posts mentioning the current track that is on my mind or playing on the player.
But this time, I am going to dedicate a whole post for this song. It has a beautiful nostalgia associated with it.

This song, was composed by Agosh, and was released somewhere in the 90s. It would come on MTV, and on i TV. And yes, the elders so detested us for watching those channels. (Seriously, things were not that bad back then.) So the wait for it to come on channels like Sony or Star would be a greater wait and pain.

There have been plenty of songs in the 90s that have taught us many things and entertained us better than the new ones. May be that is what makes them so special that we grew up listening to them. Music was not that easily available back then. You would have to ceaselessly try making STD calls to channels to play your favorite song, or buy an incredibly expensive video CD which would have a maximum of 10 songs. If budget was a problem, we had casette that would be used for recording all the new songs, and getting permission from parents to play music on the tape recorder would be an ordeal. Then came the rights to use the walkmen, but even then, budgeting was a problem with the ones which needed batteries.
There were several other things that made listening to music a memorable hobby. Now music has evolved from being a hobby to a part of life. I am glad about this change. Rather I am happy that I have been throughout this evolution.
So here is this song, one of my favorites, which reminds me of how we felt back then, and how we have made an effort to make changes that we actually dreamt back then.
Mujhe mil jo jaye thoda paisa. (If I d get some money)

If people still have this song on their iPOD or phone, they would certainly listen to it every month end or in the beginning of a new job/career. 
Life has beautifully changed and progressed. If you are a person who has not lived in the 90s, I hope this song inspires you to get over whatever complaints you have with your time now, and be the change you expect.
I would say that I live up to the changes I expected when I heard the song back then. Many of us have, and hope we inspire you all pretty well.
The song has English subtitles(if you don't understand Hindi), and it describes "all" the problems "we" had, and all what we expected in terms of financial life.

We Care And We Can't Help It!

I can certainly say that 90% of the problems in my life are because I care, and 10% because others don't care.
We women find million things to dislike in men in terms of their general nature, but they totally beat us in two things.
1 we care (let the second remain secret for a while now)

I am not yet sure if the caring part in us comes along with the inbuilt maternal instinct or if it just plain feminine, whatever it is, it exists in all of us, and every woman knows she suffers from it.
Things we care can be anything from our hair, our body, how we feel, how we smell, how we look, how we are looked at, how life works, how life doesn't work, and just everything but for "How life can still carelessly go on", and every bit of this can perturb us and we let it do so.

Caring for aspects in life that are of use or no use does not outweigh our characters of dynamism, or organization or just anything else which we blame men to not have, because men still live without all these simply telling "I don't care", and we on the other hand die every day, every possible moment because we care. Some of us die just trying to not care or losing the battle in trying not to care

Every strong, bold, confident, dynamic woman has a core inside that she protects. It is that core that we guard untouched. Sometimes hoping it tears itself apart when we can do nothing to destroy it, or at least not bother it exists. But it so deep within us, that we let it exist covered by immense hope that there would be some day in our life that we cared any less.

I wish I cared less for many things. Today's thoughts have been provoked by a lady who cared for me and told me "If you turn back and look at your life in the future, you will never find yourself perfectly going your way without making mistakes, and it is a natural process of going ahead."

I feel she was indeed right. I hope that these things, when I look back someday might be too insignificant to remember or just a lesson well learnt. But even while positively thinking about this, a part of me hopes that things might change that I would not need to care for the things that I actually care.

I am sure a lot of women associate yourself to this. Some can explain it well, many can't even on shouting out loud. I hope we all get over this someday.
Love and Peace !

Current track : Country roads - I used to sing this song when I was a kid in school. Brings back beautiful memories.