2011 Ends

Every year end, I go for a retrospection of the things I learnt throughout the year, the changes that I regret as well as the ones I cherish. The last years I came up with posts with a list of things I learnt, the lessons that I hope to put to use in the coming year.
2011 has been extreme, and extraordinary. I experienced all the 9 emotions (Navarasa) within a year.

One of the big things I learnt was to never go starving for a diet to lose weight.(If you are unaware why: I got hospitalized and was shunting hospital-home for a whole 2 months. and as a co incidence, about 5 leos underwent the same fate like I did, for different reasons though)
Another thing is to keep my mouth shut, and just stay on the listening mode even if the speaker is a moron. All the other things I wanted to include in my life, I have already done. But I really ought to shut up and not talk at all!! 

I dont know if I can relate any aspect to my 2011 anything magical, but there has been a lot of unexplained things happening.

One of which is an aspect of my life I always hesitate to talk of may be just because I am shy, or I dont feel certain people apt to talk about it. Through all that time, I didnt realize what changes have already taken place.
Here is something said to me and another person by a very special friend: "You re going to realize it only when people stop caring"
Well obviously I didn't back then. I owe a lot to that friend who was a major influential person in my life this year, and most importantly, who allowed me to discover myself and realize what I am.
I am going to make 2012 special and make those people who cared for feel proud of me, and not the least, feel proud of myself to fight out my quarter life crisis.
I am going to work towards every moment of the year to make it special.
I would like to thank my Guide who has done a lot for me. But for Him, nothing would be possible. (I wouldnt have even survived the hospitalization)
This year, I am going to be the change I expect !
Welcome 2012!!

Change (ver 2.0)

This is something that has been disturbing me for quite a while, that today I ve decided to write it here.
I am not quite getting into critisizing the education system in India. Not yet atleast i should say. But my attitude towards it, as it has always been, is that if a student wants something for real, s/he should really work for it. No matter how crappie the situation is. I went through all that, and I found it a real test of survival. Here by saying survival, I mean survival of my innate passion in life. Blaming the education system is exactly the example of the quote "A lazy carpenter blames his tools".

Now getting to my point! There have been some broad minded parents, some rebellious kids who have contributed to some change. Where students have chosen a track which is totally different from the traditional system. It is good, but not many realize the intensity or seriousness of the change. Every field today has experts. For example if u just have an overpriced camera, you are not a photographer who can make a good living by taking pics. Life is not that easy. But at the same time, a talented person can make money with pics taken even on a mobile phone. There a lot of things that should be taken into consideration while choosing the way an individual would want to live.

And, it is not possible for a person to explore their skills if they dont try out any. Some might be amazing in the human breed by being successful engineers as well doing leisure activities that pay back.And some who are supposedly intelligent are still parasites on parents.
There are different ways of living, and a scope for survival if you really work well (i am not getting into another discussion about smart work and hard work. Not now, not here)

Given that I consider that an individual has a responsibility as much as the right to choose the way they live, I feel parents today are crazy.
Its a "bash the parents post" today here. This is what I have been seeing very often "My kid is not at all serious about studies. S/he gets only 97%. the rest of the time, s/he is playing or drawing, or doing something else".

Damn it i say! As long as the kid is not wasting time in front of the TV(watching absolutely demented new generation cartoons or things that kids should not be seeing at their age) or the computer (the new generation idiot box) virtually socializing with helplessly jobless people all over the world, why do you actually bother? The irony here is, parents don't mind kids socializing online, but mind if they actually went out playing cricket/ football, or were drawing something or just anything more than studies.
I don't mean that they shouldn't screw the arse of the child if s/he gets bad grades. I do believe studies are important, really important. But there is life beyond books. It is because of this stupidity that leads to further cases where students aim at getting a 100, and the kid who gets 99 doesn't have a college seat. And then, you will have a set of people blaming these innocent students for "brain drain", and lack of responsibility to mother India and what not bullshit.

Kids can even die with this pressure. Stop pressurizing them to get a 100. Let them get a good score(much better than decent), and live life beyond study materials. Let them read novels, newspapers, go to play some sport (yeah and now that curbs childhood obesity too), and develop some talent, and continue to have one real passion in life, and follow their dream.
New generation parents- please realize you have given birth to humans, and you have to raise them to be a fine lady or a gentleman. Not develop a machine or gadget. Don't make them await the day you are going to die and have it written on your grave stone "and now we live in peace"

I definitely want to end the post talking about my parents. I had a dad who was ready to break the TV if I didnt study, and actually liked me singing, drawing, and ofcourse sounds silly, but fighting and winning over dimwit boys. He was an amazing friend to me who liked me to develop myself all round, although never liked me being round in shape. (my mom feels that the only person who can make me stay slim would have been my dad, because she has given up on me. Having grown up, i now realize the seriousness of it. So not much of a loss) And a mother who never compelled me to go through a system of coaching for exams where i would have to sleep only one or two hours a day since the age of 8. She is a bold woman indeed who let me do whatever I like, she didn't scold me or stop me when I said that I would not do MBBS, and neither when I said that I would shift to french. ( I made this change at the age of 20! ) She was a strong support throughout my study in french, and continues to be a support and wants me to pursue it till PhD. I really will do it in a steady pace.
Let your kids discover their own ways of survival, don't suck the life out of them just because it is you who has given them birth 

Currently reading : Chanakya's Chant
Currently listening to: Aicha by Khaled (the french version, and it is not bad)

Discoveries

Well the researcher in me doesnt die. Just that she has got herself out of a mundane lab, and seeing a lot more things around. For a moment during this process I felt like Fransico D'Anconia of Atlas Shrugged. I somehow love that character and find him very impressive.
This is what has happened. I ve been out travelling again, and realized some beautiful things. Everyone knows my passion to travel, and it is a topic in the viva voce if asked, i am sure to top the class. (well that did happen actually). So i was telling at the Alliance Francaise the thrill and pleasure in discovering new ways to live a life. I feel it very vivacious, and divine. This time when I travelled, I was all alone (the best way as i see it) and was left with my own voices inside the head. No matter where you are, at home or away, you are always what you choose to be. And hence you always discover more things about yourself when you travel. #Divintiy redifined!
Has been blissful. Hoping to have more blissful journeys ahead.

The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck

Honestly, although the book has been pretty interesting, I took a long time to read it. The story is based on ancient China- the sublimated value people had on certain materials, and how they looked at their life.
I was just thinking of my mother, as to how she toiled in her life, and everyday she says she is devoid of peace today when she is supposed to be at the end of the tunnel and see bright light. I told her to console her, and also realized something myself when I said it not knowing how I felt it : "peace is never eternal. As long as we are alive, peace is intermittent to prepare us to face the tough side of our commitments"
My mother understood what I meant in a positive way, and I realized what I told her was true when I read of Wang Lung in his old age.
Another aspect, as to how we are driven to certain bizarre things in life whether we are rich/poor, sad/happy, and are to live with it.

O-Lan's character would have surely annoyed the feminists, but I found her a very interesting character supporting the man when he was right and wrong. Not everyone get such a person to share a life with. This anyhow does not justify what Wang Lung did to her. But it is a typical old story.
Also Wang Lung reminded me of the old man from the short story or extract"Refugee" that I read when i was in my degree college, as to how a farmer loves his land.
This story seems familiar as we have seen/heard a lot of such stories of men who made their wealth and a destiny, and how their children react to it.
The book makes me want to know (sadly because I cannot read long scripts in tamil) the concept of "Netru Indru Naalai" of Shiva Sankari. I am told that the woman predicted the change in three generations. This book was like an english version of it, if Netru Indru Naalai is all that I have heard from my mother.

Current Track: Aur aahista kijiye baatein- Pankaj Udas
Current Book: The Money Changers- Arthur Hailey

The Secret Of the Nagas by Amish

(I think this is the first book review that I am writing in my blog.)
This book, Secret of the Nagas is the sequel to the first- The Immortals of Meluha, which was pretty good, and ended with a suspense to make me grab my copy of the sequel on the day it released.
The second book lived up to the suspense although the actual secret can be known if you just read the last line in the last page. The pages till there are worth the read though.
The story is convincing, as to how one could justify God as a human or human as God. What I saw in the book was, to search the God within us. And what makes one strong and powerful enough to be worshiped or rather eternally remembered in glory.
To understand the approach of the author towards the characters, you should read the first book. 
The second book explains in human terms as is the style of the author in this series, the relation in the Shiva-Sati family.
Some secrets rather enlightening knowledge is seen in the conversations between the Lord and the Vasudev pandits, and overall the book doesn't disappoint the readers. I found these more interesting than the real secret itself.

I certainly felt that the language/writing style could have been a lot better.

Yet, I await the third one which Amish, I guess is going to start this October. 

Currently reading: The Good Earth by Pearl S Buck.
Next: want to grab the Millenium series, but The Money Changers by Arthur Hailey is on queue followed by Yes Minister which I am supposed to return to Suwarna.
Current track: Mona re- Bombay Vikings

Moi encore

If you have been a follower of my blog (which i am almost certain you are not), you would realize that my physique has been the major thing i ve ever had complaints about.
As days have been passing by, even my neighbours started having a problem with it and called my mom home one fine day to counsel her on this issue. she has heard a lot of advices from people who have no knowledge about ideal/under/over weight nor my health.
so she lost her cool on listening to that and came home bombarding me with a lesson asking me "HOW DO I ANSWER THEM???"
I was pretty annoyed too. so i decided i m going to work on it. If you remember that quote what nandhini told me "Amzu- you have a perseverance that knows no limits!"  so here is what i did- went on a hectic exercise regime, and a stupid liquid diet. It was all fine for 7 whole days. Started seeing results, but on the 8th day, i had to go somewhere far far away from home(there is as much of a fantasy as it sounds). a place it was that had no water nor milk, nor anything worth eating. Although, a friend of mine who was dropping me home shared her piece of bread with me- and that was the only solid i had over 8 days! (love u girl- else i would ve fainted and no one would have noticed it or bothered)
so what happened to me? i crashed in the hospital! i first went as an emergency outpatient. took a few injections everywhere possible, and then came home to suffer the pain and return as an inpatient to take a few more injections.
I was for sure a weird or rather an amusing patient to the doctor, and have had a lot of advices one of which is to give up aerated drinks- its like taking away alcohol from an addict! i have been so very used to it and HOW on earth could i give it up?
well its more like the price i m gonna have to pay for taking the comments of all those morons who felt i m too fat seriously.  And may be i really will because the doctor feels i shouldnt bother that much about it coz the other parameters are all fine.
Here is what i have to say: if you feel that my physique has anything to do with impressing you, you have my finger. I m neither gonna live a whole life with you, and neither are you gonna sponsor my food all life.
I had a perfectly working digestive system, excretory system, respiratory system which were all screwed up with 8 days of bothering about others.
And something i must say:
A humble thanks to the doctor who took good care of me, without trying to pose himself like philosopher, did his job well.
I never say it this humble, but i mean it this time, coz i know how much the pain killed me from the inside that makes me give all this respect. "Hail the doc" and a hearty thanks. I m never gonna bother about the jerks, and shall try my best not to touch any aerated drinks.
Current track: Dit by Carla Bruni

Thiniking: peut-etre

Life is as pathetic as it can be. Rather I have given it that chance. I was so freaked out, that I felt like a schizophrenic! I felt like throwing away my books and papers in the air and standing on top of the teacher’s table (or that office table) and sing some sleazy line or dance to some weird sound clips in my mind(save yourself… don’t ask me what that was )
But I had no guts to do it (good for me and the others), because there were so many things I am capable of doing to get applause and I gave not pursued it well. To be more honest, as I realized they did not grow with me. But I was such an amateur that I would have got terrified stares or stationery (or JUST anything one could grab hold of) thrown at me.

Following a series of videos, movies, music clips, speeches, articles and what not about following ones passion, here I am writing about the place I find happiness.
I have been following quite a few of them, and the one that made sure I make a blog entry about it was a movie “Julie and Julia”. When I don’t have mom at home, the best thing for me to do is to watch TV. Coz when she is around and finds me watching something English she takes it for granted its porn or something totally inappropriate to me. She will never grow up and come to realization that such things wont be aired on TV, and neither will she understand that I am an adult, nor that non Indian movies actually make sense. So here is what the movie reinforced into me. 
 It’s about talent, skill, hobby, like and love. I have never been consistent in pursuing anything that I took up in life. On estimation, if I had done well everything that I had started, or at least let me say 60% of the things I started, I would have been a prodigy, and found myself popular, successful, but most importantly happy!
It’s about trouver le Bonheur that I m talking about here. If at all there is something I could cling onto that would be there for me when I am in need of support, or just hang on and nothing more.
The answer was a 90% no. the only solace I have in life as of today is the French language. There are so many other things which I have left so far behind that they’ve not grown with me.
Hobbies become talent when they grow with you. You need to give it time and dedication for it to grow. And once it grows, it will be the wall of support.
Considering today is the best day, I ve decided to make a start with giving time and dedication to things that could possibly support me in my life. May be I m selfish, or may be not. But I just don’t want to grow alone. You might not always have your people with you forever. But certain assets would prove to be with you all life, and be with you when you need it whether you know it or not.
So here I begin doing everything I like, and love, the things that deserve to grow along with me.
End result: I m being as crazy I can/want to be in my room. Singing loud, dancing, strumming the guitar, playing the harmonica

Is the ado going away?

Here i am at an absolutely wrong time to be online.
As i could practically do nothing because of some stupid reasons, i sat reading some blogs of friends and my own old ones.
I realized how life changes every year, how morose and moronic we get day by day, and we see it prominent only at the end of each year.
As though i have had nothing useful to write, as though nothing good is happening around me, as though life was just of sorrows, i had abandoned this space.
Thanks to nandhini, i realized that i can bring about something good out of nothing.
And oh speaking about nothing.. its an annoying word that i come across, and use. Nothing to listen, nothing to talk, nothing to write. This was not how i was few years back.
So now on you shall have entertaining (atleast worth wasting time) posts here.
Good night for now, and lets begin tomorrow with inspirations!

The ado thinks again

Just like every adolescent (yeah.. no longer a teenager, yet an ado. concepts suck), i ve been wanting to get out, and find "freedom". yet, oh what a lazy bum i am (yet to upload the post i had written two days back!)
But anyways, life/world doesn't stop or take a break or chill coz i am doing either one or all of them.

Having lamented the fact that i had been jobless, or facing several problems, i was advised, and motivated to face it, and give it a try.
Well i did what i was asked to do. I faced it, gave it a try, and felt like a queen seeing the results(oh speaking of results, i have finished B1. felicitez- moi :P ). Giving it a try, i decided i could try making an attempt to move out of the city and start a whole new professional life.So i tried my luck in different cities. and realized something just yesterday.
so here is what happened: i went to the hi tech city . i ve always loved going there and i never miss a chance to get there. its a part of the city which is well developed and vivante (uh.. i think it is vivacious in English) of all the things for one to like the place. I m now not bothered about how cultural it is. Its a corporate world and it explains a lot. I had something to do there, and had to find my way to get a bus to reach home. in order to do that, i walked for a few kilometers (all this happened coz i had the mood, and the place is really good for a walk)
all my way back, i was wondering, what is not here that i have to run elsewhere in a search? As of now, i seem contended with what is available in Hyderabad and the need to run away is not as much as it was. Nevertheless, i would not mind experiencing new hi tech cities later in life :P

Here is a french saying which goes so well to what i m going through now: Liberté n'existe pas, independence quelque fois, solitude toujours! 

Inge Brahmanan

I have earlier written here "enge Brahmanan" (Where is the brahmin), and today i write "Inge Brahmanan" (Heres the brahmin).
I am elated to present Sri Vittaldas, an aspiring brahmin who wished to build a temple for the lord he worships.
Although i dont know much about him, there are some interesting and inspiring aspects of this person. This person is a brahmin, and collects funds to build the temple. To do this within the rules laid by brahminism, he collects funds by performing bhajans throught the country. He has never gone out of the country. He says that although he could potentially earn lots more than what he can within the country, he has decided not to step out in order to maintain the integrity of his ancestors. And adhering to so many such rules, he has collected funds to build a massive temple for his God. He had visited Hyderabad for a whole week to collect funds to finish the construction. The temple is at govindapuram, Kumbakonam district, and is bigger than the actual Vittal Temple in Pandarpur. He has been singing bhajans making us feel relaxed and energized throught the week, and doing some preaching in the most hilarious way possible.
Yesterday, (UNFORTUNATELY) the bhajans were amazing, and i missed it. the first day of the bhajan, i stopped clapping when my palms started aching, the next day, i stopped after my forearms started aching, the next day when my entire arm started aching, and then, i did not stop clapping even if it hurt me. As a matter of fact, i enjoyed it when i was clapping so hard. Yesterday it went so ecstatic that the musicians were also enthusiastic that the tabla tore.
And he has been doing all this in hyderabad inspite of ill health.
This man maintains the essence of brahminism and yet keeps himself updated of modern developments and employing them ideally in life.
I am proud to be a brahmin, and proud to say that the ideal brahmin lives even in the Kalyuga.

What does the dad of a 3 year old do?

I see many things a day that interest me. Some are just so beautiful / amazing that I d like to write in the blog. But about 90% of the times, I am distracted by some annoying forces. And only 1 % of the things make it to the blog.

Today is one such day. I’ve been horribly disturbed. In fact this disturbance has been there since last night which did not end very well today.

Now, I’ve decided, that I will be the one who d put the actual end, I also decided that I shall not let be impedance in not letting me put this interesting thing here.

I came across an article which says that children say “my father goes to office” not knowing what exactly the man does. Very small kids sure do that, but the older ones saying that is sad and rather alarming as to where the society is going!

But by the end of it, I was reminded as to what I knew about my dad and how I could tell about his work.

When I was a really young kid, my dad was a successful industrialist. So he would go to the office to handle the administration and to the factory to handle the manufacture. Every Thursday the laborers were given their weekly off in the factory (and Thursday was a day in my school where we did not have homework. This was till class 7 or 8. So I loved Thursdays all the more)

So I had another place to tell people. I d tell “my dad goes to office and factory, What about yours?” and people used to follow up with my parents on that for further clarification. Then at one time, my mom decided to enlighten me about what exactly my dad does. So in her story she told even about what the “often seen” staff did. [This all happened when I was somewhere around 3 or 4 years] The story ended with “so after doing all these things (of which I understood NOTHING), daddy gets money to buy you things from the shop.” [I must give her the due credits, that this story of hers helped me understand the circular flow of money in economics, macro and micro economics well even before it was a part of my syllabus when I started growing]

Then on, whenever anyone asked me as to what my father did, I started telling “he makes money”

If I heard any kid saying that today, I d appreciate that kid, as money is THE thing for which one works. But the sad thing was that, people reported this to my parents appreciating me, and it rang their bells. They thought that if this continued, people would think he was a manufacturer or fake notes or gets money by forming some mafia gang secretly. Apparently there were some scams of that sort happening, and they didn’t want to get in trouble for not doing it.

I can never forget that night. I was put between both my parents in the bed, and the whole night, I was not allowed to sleep, but was bombarded with lessons, that I shouldn’t tell things of that sort coz some nasty folks would think of it otherwise. This lecture followed with another teaching me how to actually respond to such questions. This continued till I got into the auto where I was again asked “what would you tell if someone asked you this?”

Asking a 3 or 4 year old sound odd to me, and I m not very happy about this habit of the elders. Asking family details to kids is really dangerous.  More than that I would say it is something of a criminal motive to encash the fact that a child is excited to talk out what it sees at home, and learns from places, and it hasn’t yet learnt how to lie.

The Kite Runner

This is surely inspired by the book of Khaled Hosseini vaguely. But i wanted to write on this on seeing the way things have changed over the years.

When we were kids, Sankranti  was an event where all cousins would meet up. Seeing each other and flying kites were the only things which made us anticipate it for a whole year. Cracker session for diwali was a formality but not something that we used to do together every year. The food would have "sakra pongal" which the entire crowd of my generation unanimously detest and we d sit having lunch hoping we had something else to eat. Dinner would generally be good. But everyone would be so engrossed with flying kites all day and night.

The entire family loved flying kites. The elders had their head to lead the flying kites, we had one too. Me and another cousin, being the youngest of the lot were generally kite runners. I dont remember launching a kite and let it rise high, but i always loved cheering the elders and shouting out "AFFFAAA".

Its been a few years since we flew kites or even met. Everyone is engrossed in their own work. Work makes people boring themselves, and they even forget things that give them pleasure.

Last year when we met, everyone were talking about those nostalgic moments when we d enjoy flying kites, making manja,  criticizing the menu for the lunch, but enjoying the dinner, and having great fun by organizing some games instantaneously. And that time, we were just talking about it and not doing anything. Everyone went back saying " i have work tomorrrow", i went back saying " i have college tomorrow". Nobody made an attempt to stay back. If there were atleast one person who wanted to live that moment again, we could have. But no one did even though we were offered an extra ransom pay if we flew kites. I mean how depressing we become on growing up, that we dont want to enjoy ourselves even if we are paid for it. Morose isnt it?
So.. neither the ones of my generation, nor the elders went anywhere near the stairs to venture to even see any kites. It was further annoying that the number of kites in the sky were lesser than there were when i was a kid. 

So.. This year, i decided to fly kites with friends. I learnt that all my friends were enthusiastic about flying kites.  Since i wanted to have a promotion from kite running to actual flying, i thought i d learn from them, and surprisingly none of them know to fly kites either!
 
Heres a copy paste of what one of my friend wrote on his facebook. :

#17mm aerodynamically designed maxi kites-check!
#70 gitty Old city glass coated razor sharp extra tensile fiber paakeza manja-check!
#Corosion free steel Charka with an almost infinite moment of inertia-check!
#Super energetic kids to hold the charka, cheer & scream so loud tht it grabs all the attenntion of the chics & their frens in ...the nxt building-check!
Now somebody teach me who to fly tht fckin kite:P

But honestly, if those days come back, or new beautiful days come, i d love to be the kite runner if not fly them.

People

Following a nasty event in the month of december with a wannabe american who really messed up with me, I had people messing up my sankranti which seems to show some effect throughout the year which promises to take some devastating steps.

I then decided to classify people in various categories and found maximum entries in the following:

1. I better stay away from you
2. I dont care anymore
3. I hate you.

Well... these are not the ONLY categories.. there are also categories like
Adorable, Respectable, Worth remembering, Entertaining etc.

Life is showing me things!