Bienvenue 2013

This year is coming closer to its end. And as some people believe, end to the very existence. I am frankly speaking, not bothered about it at all. If I am dying, so are you, and the rest. So I wont be alone. And I will live my life till death. Well, that is not the point of this post. As usual, this is the time of the year I write about things that have touched me. I used to write posts in retrospect of how the year had been. It was a roller coaster of a year ! Since I have written a lot more than I ever expected, I am now going to look ahead into the future. Here is a list of things I wish to do in 2013.

1. Become slim : Honestly this has been on my list ever since I started making a list. But I really wish the change happens.
2. Sing: Properly that is. To be able to join music classes and sing carnatic music. Because, whenever I sang carnatic music, I could sing just any genre with great ease.
3. Run a marathon: Ambitious, I know. But it is a nice one.
4. Swim : Not just survive when thrown into the pool, but actually swim quite a few strokes.
5. Mountain biking: To go on an adventure in Leh-Manali by mountain biking. I heard it is a real endurance test, and something to do before kicking the bucket (given the insanity, earlier the better, and best done in youth)
6. Bungee jumping: I hope to combine it in a 10 or 12 day trip and make this happen. Bungee and water rafting must happen this year !
7. Play the guitar: I have made quite a lot of donations to people to tutors, but never managed to play one song.
8. Paint : Atleast one masterpiece, and few good potraits as pencil sketches. Charcoal sounds ambitious, but I will see this at the end of the year.
9. Gardening: To really bring life in my garden that was lost about 14 years ago.
10. Travel: Insanity never ends, and I would never want to end travelling.
11. Learn a lot more: may be an education, or may be just observation, or just learning.  

Weekends

I never realized why my mother used to tell her friends/students/acquaintances "I owe my daughter a lot for having sacrificed every weekend of hers for my work". The reason I never felt it a sacrifice of any sort was because she was there for me every day when I came back from school, and that completely made up for everything she felt she has denied me. It was a routine to help her with her work for a long time, long enough till I found myself a job where I started working on weekdays. I started thinking that her work was bizzare only when I got out to see people claiming a weekend to be "something". In the beginning of my new work, I  felt the need to rest during the weekend to be able to jump again for work.

I happened to meet a senior in my line of work, who asked me "One job? that is it? What have you achieved, and what do you think you can achieve by the time you are 25?" I felt he was mad, I had people to support me saying that capacities for men and women are different, and I should not be bothering. And how horrible I feel today that I fell for the latter, when I believe a person should only be self empowered and not by anyone else for any factor, and the cheapest being a weaker gender. 

Anyways, both the discussions happened for a short while, but thoughts were flowing for a long time. Long enough till I felt tired of resting for two full days of the weekend, and started finding myself useless the rest of the time. 

Today, I shook up to help my mom. I promised her last night, and got up late. Early enough to help her for work. And for having lost the gap of doing this, I had a trouble getting back in touch in the first place. End of the day, I was tired, I don't deny. But I was not unhappy. I was happier for being useful, for I never understood what a great asset my mother gave me to teach me to be productive on weekends, and I no longer care if I cannot go to a movie, or do something crazy on weekends. I am blessed with enough craziness to be mad on any given day. 

A little something for the Teachers

I still vividly remember an instance of my childhood, where a fortune teller told me that I have the "good luck" to become a doctor, and asked me "how do you like it?", and I quickly said "I d rather like to be a teacher" and he was not even a bit happy about what my reaction to his prediction. 

I have proven him, I am not a doctor, and I am closely related to academics, and have been a teacher. And it gives me immense happiness. 

September 5th- A day in India when everyone likes to celebrate Teacher's day in the memory of Sarvepalli Radhakrishna, each person having his/her own reasons to celebrate being under a teacher. I cannot deny that  I was once with the crowd for celebration just to avoid classes. But this was during the second year of inter at Narayana Junior College (that explains a lot doesn't it). Teaching is seriously not everyone's forte, and I have had some horrible teachers whom I wish to ignore. 

This year, Teacher's Day brought a lot of things to my mind. I was on my way to Mangalore, and in the airport I realized that the book I carried was checked in, and I had nothing else to do till I could board the flight. So I went and helped myself with a book. The book that first caught my eye was "To Sir, With Love" By E.R. Braithwaite, and I believe the celebration began from the moment I bought it. I was pretty unwell, but I gathered all energy to make a phone call and wish two very special teachers in my life- my Zoology sir who took lessons in the first year, and my first French professor. They mean a lot to me, and everyone knows how much. But I want to dedicate this post to a few more people. 

1. Mrs. Jessica Simon- Honestly, she was someone who scared the hell out of me, and I have spent many nights praying that she should not be my teacher. And later, every moment I regret that my prayers were heard. But the divinity taught me a lesson about being careful while asking things in prayer, and I have been careful ever since. She took may be 5 lessons of social studies at the max, and spent about a week with us, but I cherish all those moments listening to her in awe. She had a very bad temper, I agree. But in today's world we compromise with the temper of certain people who don't deserve it. She was someone who lost her cool only when things went out of control. When in class, she was the ONLY (yes, I dare to use caps to emphasize "only") modest, humble, patient, responsible, caring, mature, and rockingly cool teacher in that entire school. I remember meeting her at a public place once, and I was frozen as though I met an angel, and believe me, she asked me questions about me as a guardian angel would care, and told it in a way a sister would tell. 

2. Mrs. Shiela Rao: A woman who taught me to appreciate myself, she taught me how to fight, how to face odd things that happened to me in school, and of all how not to take shit from others. If you haven't guessed it yet, she was a sports teacher in the complete sense. I still remember that day in school when she scolded the girl who bullied me for years. She brought that girl down to tears, and it at least kept her away from me. That was something I could certainly not have done. The way she loved herself, and taught me not to be scared to speak out or punch a person on the face and so many other things, make me celebrate and be happy about what I am till today. Once she told us all that she doesn't care if we didn't wish her on Teacher's Day. But if we had her in our mind for even the shortest fraction of a second during moments of triumph in our lives, she said it was her achievement. As far as I am concerned, I have her in my mind in the most respectable place whenever I achieve anything big or small. 

3. Mr. C. V. Pragash: My mother sent me to tuitions as she could not sit with me to help me with studies. I did have tough times in his classes, but in due course of time, within two terms, I recovered from a lot of emotional trauma. I started finding solace in studying, and in getting good marks. He cared for every student as his own child, and balanced classes quite well. I owe all the credits to him for having changed my attitude towards mathematics, and making me like it. Now I have to get back to it, as the teachers in my UG have totally torn it apart, and I feel lost even while making simple calculations. If I got back to teaching, he would certainly be very proud of me. 

4. Dr Latha Surendra: She was comfortably over 50 when she taught us Chemistry in our UG. If it wasn't for her, I would have surely not even completed my basic education given how horrible the quality of education was at UG. There was a charm of pure intelligence in her face, and her smile would put us at ease or discomfort, depending on what she actually wants us to feel. Something I never forget till date about what she said "...and life goes on". There will be things that trouble us, but life goes on, and we can't stop. I still respect her for what I have got from being her student. 

5. Dr. Sarala Mahidra: Attending language classes will be a bore unless you have someone stern or it is your personal interest to attend it. But a person being stern enough to make you develop an interest to attend a language class is very rare. She is a woman of poise! Way shorter than me, but her aura of knowledge in her field, and the confidence in knowing what comes out of her mouth made a solid impression of her in my mind and heart. I doubt that I will ever be the very soft voiced teacher in class, because my role model Mrs. Sarala was someone who would ensure she is well heard. I get a good lot of inspiration from her to be a good teacher. 

Sadly, I have moved out of teaching for the past few months, and I have suddenly started to regret that. "Life goes on..", and I can teach again as I really want to. Now I would like to add about a colleague who inspired me to get back to teaching. He was so happy talking about how much teaching made him evolve, and how he looked at it, and it was quite intense and passionate. Closer to the very end of the listening, I added that I was a teacher once, so I can totally understand what he felt, and how he looks at it, because I have enjoyed such moments as a teacher. I began to introspect why should I deny myself of that feeling when I don't really have to. With so many great teachers in my life, and the blessing of being in the line of academics, I am once again inspired to teach. 

  

Child's Play

It is quite often that we hear from people older saying "life is not a child's play"
Yesterday I witnessed something that totally contradicted this philosophy of the mentally, and physically old people, for such a conclusion is the very end.

The city had a few showers to cool the place a bit, and there was a small patch of water in the temple where I went yesterday. All of us made sure not to step on it, and went on with our own activities. There is always something charming about these small temples in the neighborhood. They play a wonderful part of your childhood, and about everyday life in general. So yesterday, there were a bunch of kids playing some game. A cute skinny girl caught my attention. I loved that child for the way she enjoyed every bit of running around. and suddenly in a while I saw her face not so happy. She was showing her mom how she got herself wet, and how it hurt skidding in the water patch. The small patch had become large, spread over by area, and you could make out that the culprit was a kid by the footprints that went out of it.
The best part of it was that she continued running with the same enthusiasm as she was. I suddenly stopped and gave a look at her. I wanted to see her face clearly. Her milk teeth had fallen off, and she was a growing girl. the toothless wonder gave me a charming and warm smile and asked me "hEy!!! When did you come??" I said "a while ago" and continued with what I was doing, she continued what she was upto, we bumped into each other ever now and then, and she showed me how she got herself wet, how her hands turned red (due to some other prank), and so many such things in short intervals. I then saw her dance to the music on the water where she fell, with the same smile of hers. How we forget such beautiful things when we keep growing up. She learnt to get over it, and dance over the thing that could actually hurt her. How many of us today make conquer the troubles that potentially harm us, and make it a fun experience? Like everyone make friends at such places, that girl is now my friend. We don't know each others names, where we stay, but we are friends and we need no reason to give naughty smiles at each other.
This story ends where the water patch got completely disappeared. She spread the little water all over, and it got dried immediately. Everyone walked across comfortably not having to worry about skidding.
So next time you find someone saying "it is not a child's play", you can most certainly take it for granted that they are frustrated souls who cannot connect to the coming new generation. (For people of my age: accept it, a new generation has started coming, it is beyond your own niece/nephew, the kids in the park, street, local temple or just anywhere.) Stay connected with people of different races, generations, cultures etc. It will keep you most lively and you will enjoy every moment of living, and literally play your way through everything.

Something that just came on my facebook home page. So apt to the situation

Current track: Birds chirping outside the window... (importance of connecting with nature will come on some other time)

Reasons to Smile

Most of the times when we have felt sad/unhappy are the times we ve felt so without knowing the reason, or because we don't know answers/solutions.
But should we at all need reasons to be happy or feel anything for that matter? IMO, not at all. Yet we need reasons to be convinced for just anything. Being reasonable, rational, and objective is perhaps fine as long as all goes on well. As for me, just for today, everyday I choose to be happy.

Having beaten around the bush, I am going to get to my point. I am not searching for happiness (that one doesn't actually ever lose, but just overlooks, I am no exception), I have rather been thinking of reasons to smile (pose) for pictures.

Yesterday I updated my status on facebook about how wonderful my recent travel experience was. Work on the other hand went off pretty well. But to my surprise, it always says "this is visible only to you" no matter how much I try to change the settings. Now I cant even ask for help in that column!

There are lots of things we are immersed in life that is worth sharing, worth looking at worth retrospecting, worth storing. I never liked the way I look, that I have been avoiding posing for pictures over the last few years. But today when I look at the few pictures that actually came up, or the really old ones, I realized what big mistake I did by not freezing many moments in life.
Besides that, here is a video that I would like to share with you that changed a lot about my perception about youth, and also changed my mind as to why I d want to have pictures of mine.

Here is the conversation that happened with voice number 1 and 4 inside my head:

V1: Should I really get back to posing for pics?
V4: Its beyond posing. It is to capture those moments of life that take our breath away ; and of those moments that make us smile different and unique every time.
V1: I m quite skeptic that people already think I am mad to be smiling too often
V4: Good, because it is love that is madness (temporary or not-no comments yet). Rights to insanity; love and peace with thyself, what else could justify it better? Go ahead, see yourself smile when you are out living life.

We don't realize how much we have created in life for ourselves, how much of opportunities, chances, the future and most special and important- "the present"
So I decided that it is no longer just enough for me to live my life to the fullest, claim posing for pictures to be mundane, and concluded that having my own pictures is living a life larger than given. 

On a completely different note: Quite a few people asked me if whatever I covered in the post one life well lived is really possible, here is a video that quite conveys what I had in my mind when I wrote that post. Thanks to the facebook fraternity for giving that thought a good publicity.

Current track (in the player) : Snow on the Sahara - Enigma

The connection

This post is dedicated to all the people who miss a special person in their life.
Losing a person close to you is never a pleasure, it will hurt for eternity even if you have thousands of friends, hundreds of close ones, and a few really close who would do their best to keep your mind away from pain. But practical reality is that nothing is permanent. It takes us a long time to realize it.(took me 12 years!) All we can do is to keep them alive with us in the best possible way, and somehow through that space, we see they do try to live with us.
I ve been missing my dad really bad for the past three weeks, horribly bad. Although I have an adorable mom, a mom is a mom, and dad is dad. It would be silly of me to ask her to be like him, which she is not made/meant to be. So there has been a lot of silence in the house from my side, and a lot of sound from her trying to pull me out.
So I decided yesterday that I have to break it open and go out. I went out for a walk, and then for a run in the gym (Didn't go for either today, taking my weekend off even for that. How sad can I be), and felt much better, in continuation, today I cleaned my room. Believe me it was so messy and I was not yet in peace with myself that I actually googled "how to clean your room". Life can get that pathetic. I cleaned a major portion of my room, and it now looks livable. I then decided that I am going to the grocery shop (its not even a proper super market) that I ve always fancied shopping. (For some strange reason, I like grocery shopping the most. It perhaps talks about my quality/nature/character that I am more a home bunny).
I went there, and spent about half an hour, a duration which is generally not permitted, and bought a very few things for my own absolute necessities, somethings for the house in general, some things for my mom, and some absolutely useless things (er.. dont think i bought too many things.. all put together would sum upto 15 items at the max, and I spent half an hour for it. Imagine!)
I enjoyed every bit of staring at everything in the shop, all the things in the market on the way to the shop.
As I came home, I realized that I now had things to reduce the available space in the room which I cleaned in the morning. But in a short while, the room looked exactly like what my dad's room would look like. A computer table cleaned regularly, and well organized, goodies stacked in a corner, just sufficiently well lit, cozy and very daddy.

Moral: I felt that dad reached out to me only when I made an attempt to go out and set things right for myself, and make sure I bring him on a positive note. If you are missing that specialness of that person who has left you, it is all up to you to to keep them with you. There are many other banal things that I miss, I am sure in a while I will either get over them, or get them over!
Wishing all the people out there fighting hard against depression, a successful way out
Love and peace !

U Turn

It has not been even two complete weeks since I returned that I have started planning for another major outdoor activity far far away from home (and worse, reduce my bank balance which is on an all time low).
Its a rather strange time of life where I prefer to travel than arrive. I have not yet concluded if this is something that I see in me which has been a part of many great people, if it is a spark of greatness, or is it just that I prefer this to stay away from a few things, or if it is something out there I need to discover, or whatever the reason could be, the truth is that the feeling of having arrived doesn't make me feel anything great.

I came back from the North of India covering few places. Few years back my mom took me to Kanyakumari, and this time we went toghether to Jammu and Kashmir, practically covering the two ends of the country. But I am just not contended yet. I would rather say that J&K have made me all the more want to travel (with a good camera of course). It is a U turn I decide to take when I have been thinking how hopeless and helpless I am with my life.

For the extremely odd adventure that I choose to take in my travels, I would prefer not putting my mom through all that stress and strain, and rather travel alone. I am not sure if I am going to announce to my friends about this intention or the exact plan considering my previous experience that it is always a big flop when I make big plans by discussing aloud with people. But again, like I recently read in the blog of an inspiring person, I should not let the probability of failing stop me from dreaming.

The best part of this is that my room looks beautiful with my dreams. I ve made posters and charts systematically planning my future for the next six months. The big encouragement I get is "If this dream can make my room look so beautiful, it will surely enrich my experiences in life, and make my present a pleasant past in the future".

Nandhini's mom has told her that she can go as far as she wants. I am not sure if she would want to join me on a trip yet. There is a lot to decide, and a lot more to implement, implying that there will be a lot more to think and even more to write here. I hope to see a day where this banal blog of mine becomes a wonderful travelogue.

I am keen on exploring places in my own country that I haven't.  Rest in the next.

Current track (playing): Meter Down - Taxi 9211

 

4 C s

Conflict, Confusion, Contemplation, Chaos !

Disappointing, I know as it is nothing diamondy or romantic here. This is how my life is at the moment. Ever since I returned from J&K, these 4 C s have been playing a major role.
It has been a few years that I decided I will never want to see my future, but there was a time when I desperately wanted to know something of the future, and thankfully my principle did not reveal anything.

What makes one find it difficult to live with these 4 Cs? Everyone of us have these four throughout our lives, and even in the most insignificant years of our life, we strive hard and let the desperation find significant achievements. When we are completely aware that it is inevitable, why do we let it trouble us?

I had been pondering on the last point as to why do I let it trouble me when I know that life is about being in a perpetual want/need of something where these 4 imply.  Today morning I woke up with great hope that I would be able to have access to the internet to do useless things, and a solution to this struck me on reading the blog of an inspiring person.

I will have to live with these four, I have no choice, being completely aware of it, I would never want to leave any stone in life unturned, and should I fail or fall, I will dust the shame, gulp the pain, and rise with confidence to fall another thousand times till I succeed. Life hasn't been easy to most of the people who have lead it in a way that inspires me, mine is no exception, I will have to go with it like a mountain trek, or even a horseback ride. I prefer to take this courage and try my life out than going for a soul searching at this age. Anyways what is youth meant for?

On a completely different note: My spectacles aka the real eyes are on its way home ! God Bless Amitava

Current track (listening) : Quatre murs et un toit - Benabar.

Vacation March 2012

Yes I call it vacation "March 2012", as I am excersising my rights to insanity.

1. Delhi metro is good, but traffic on road is bad, and it is never pleasant to miss a flight due to traffic.

2. Missing a flight is bad, especially when your old mom is waiting for you at the destination.

3. You will look nothing less than a joker running on the road with the luggage with hopes to reach the airport when there is heavy traffic. ( Nevertheless, I would say I managed to reach Jammu only because I was bold enough to run)

4. If you still don't follow what happened, I heard that the facebook fraternity has already made a great publicity of the traffic on the 29th of March in New Delhi. (atleast, that is what I was said)

5. When you have to take yet another road trip, but you have your mom on whose lap you can sleep, you will be in the state of bliss

6. It is never wise to go on adventures after hectic work schedules.

7. Six hours of horseback riding on a mountain can ruin your back for good (it took me some significant time to recover inspite of the medecine ! ). Sadly, it doesn't even give you a feeling of being a princess charming or a Jhansi ki Rani.

8. ---- ---- (For my own professional safety, I prefer to avoid writing this point. If you are still interested to know what it is, you will )

9. Being a parent to your mom who is in her second childhood is priceless !

10. Being a part of making your mom's long lost dream come true is a blessing.

11. Rushing home earlier than mom just to make her favorite food for dinner gives the feeling of "being alive" that you really need !

---- All is well that ends well----

Current track (inside my head): Tournent les violins- Jean Jacques Goldman.

10 travel things- March 2012

There are so many things that you discover when you travel. This time I decided I ll even make a list !!

1. If you find there exists enemity, just understand that it is there for a reason, and that there is no point trying to bring about peace.

2. All morons look alike !

3. Books and Music are the best companions

4. It is not always chivalry when men embarrass you with the "ladies first" principle.

5. Spectacles should be taken well care of. As much as you would for the actual pair of eyes

6. Southies should beware of Northies.

7. Road trip is movement of rolling in dust, and is never pleasant when you are all alone.

8. Delhi metro is goood

9. There is a reason why the song has the lyric "dekha to katora, jaaga to kuan" You ll never understand its gravity until you fall inside a pit in Delhi.

10. Sabko, apna kooda kudh utana padtha hai.

I am going on my vacation tomorrow, and I wonder what more adds on to the list. But this should do for now.

Current track: Jaage hain der se - Guru
 

One Life Well Lived

I was inspired to write this article after listening to Amitabh Bachan sing this song. Although he is old, and you can evidently feel it in his voice, you cannot deny that it adds a significant weight to the meaning of the song. 

Amitabh Bachan in this song inspires me of how I would want to be even when I am as old as he is. This is how AB has influenced me with this song.

Follow this wiki link to find out the meaning of the lyrics, and you would find the video clip here.

           One Life Well Lived !!!

Having something nice to tell even when i can't hear clearly myself

Having something nice to sing out even my voice has worn out

Having things to show my younger ones even when my eyesight starts to wane

Being able to inspire people to live another day, even if I myself am struggling to respire comfortably

To straighten up smiles even after my face has wrinkled

To show people a way to travel, even if my knees don't support me to walk anymore

To leave something worth reading, even if my fingers don't support me to write anything

To show people that you can live to the fullest till you die.

To be of the best use till the moment I die even if I have walked all alone

To be able to spread love even when my heart stops beating

Invisibly Significant

My mom was watching a show where the interviewer asked the interviewee, "If you had the choice to again see two dead people, who would they be? And why?"

So I thought I would write down two influential people I ve never met as they are no longer alive, why I would want to meet them.

1. My grandmother Vimala Rajamani: In the 40 years of life that she actually lived, she lived well enough to set a splendid example to people and greatly influence me.
2. Werner Erhard: My parents attended his seminar "est", and have been live examples of his influence.  If you liked Ayn Rand, the creator of Atlas Shrugged, you would find this man a creator of a John Galt World.


1. Vimala Rajamani: She was married off to my grandpa at the age of 14, had six children, and died at the age forty due to heart expansion.
But her life in these years were extremely significant, and if I had told anyone I was her grand daughter, they all pitied the fact that I did not meet her, and she did not survive to see a grandchild. And people are generally lost recollecting what an amazing person she was.
Her influence on me: I am fortunate enough to have people who have seen her and tell me stories of her. She was a singer, an artist, a fantastic cook, a doctor in the neighborhood, spiritual, divine, and extremely talented.
The very thought that a woman learnt to do all this by the age of fourteen shook me ! With what all I heard about her, I realized that she had known much more about science than I did by the time I was 19, after going through a formal education in Science. And she did it all without harming nature, which is not seen today. Ever since I decided that I am going to follow her footsteps, my life has seen changes. If life ever gives me the chance to meet her (which is completely hypothetical), I would hug her, and never leave her.

2. Werner Erhard: Not much was spoken to me about him till I attained a certain age. But my parents always said what influence he was to both of them. When I grew up, I was told a few quotes of his for awkward situations I was going through, and it made remarkable difference ! The point was well absorbed at my core without any thinking. His point on the situation was extremely precise, and hit me like a dart. You can never disagree on what he says. I somehow regret that my mom doesn't totally live up to all the lessons she learn't back then, but I really wish I attended his seminar on est.
I was told that he died in a plane crash, and I wished his soul rest in peace.I was totally shocked to learn that he is still alive. I wish he has a peaceful life in solitude now. Some lucky people have already got the essence of what he wanted to spread.

These two people promise to keep letting out necessary secrets at the right time. Hence they are the invisibly significant people of my life.

A significant Decision

Till last Sunday, I was cribbing about few particular people who get a job done out of me, and forget about it when it comes to giving me my credits/recognition. Worse, I was pushed away having my age as a factor(I never even received anything like "thank you" to add up to my frustration). So at about Saturday, I decided to put an end to it by reminding these certain people of my age whenever I would have to oblige them.

The plan was all set, and I was relieved. Sunday was an event, and I was dropped back home by a friend who is pretty senior to me by age, and I happened to quote this situation and my decision. This is what she said as a reply "Welcome to the real world, where you shall not find recognition at all no matter what you do. You just have to accept it and keep going on. And this will be so till you die"
It struck me real hard, and made me think the whole night. I am a person who believes "You are never too young to work on anything, you are never too late to reach out to your heart"
Indeed, I worked on things that came from my heart. I take pleasure in working even on weekends or late nights at times. I then decided that if I chose to ignore comments made at me for working at odd hours which means nothing to me, I should ignore the "need" to be recognized. As long as my work has touched my heart, I have got the best recognition.
And like I spoke in my previous post, I would be living happily than surviving on credits/appreciation given by others which most certainly wont always be genuine.
I took a moment to go through this picture and use the logic in it in my life. Things that I want to do to make sure I always reach out to my own heart.

Surviving, living, just being

We are at an age where our identity is not our family name nor the achievements/history of the family, but what we are! our studies, our looks, our work.
I would not want to say that this change is bad. I in fact like this change. There are several reasons that such criteria are measures of an identity.

Building a new generation identity, and creating a niche is a completely self made process, and most of the times not an easy task. But doing all this for the people who are judgmental is total crap!

Living vs surviving: This somehow is a major point of ponder for me over the last month. Of how people have different ways to look at life and actually live it.
I just finished reading nandhini's post on marriage, and I relate a lot of the content to acceptance.
Acceptance has a lot to do with personal and professional life.
There is a friend of mine, who is a geek/nerd, who decided to teach engineering students immediately after graduating. It is his life, his choice. But the problem started when he decided he was old enough to have a partner. He was not chosen by people (#Indian arranged marriages ! ), because he did not go to work for an IT company to earn few more lakhs than he actually does.
One fine day when he was talking to my mom about this, he said
"well yes aunty, I agree I could mint money in an IT firm, but the women are too dim to understand that I have something that those guys don't have : the time to spend the money I earn !"
Such a solid point it was !

One has to work hard no matter what their work is. Period !

Then I happened to meet a colleague who was telling that going to an IT firm was absolutely of no use when he got all that he wanted with what he is doing now.


Another colleague whom I immediately took into a close circle, told me "I am not rich, neither is my husband. He works as an architect in a small firm, doesn't earn much. But you see he always earns something for sure, and is not in an eternal threat" #Most valid point !

Another friend (a senior actually) "My brother works in the UK, earns a whopping salary, whereas I started my work here in a very small scale, and over the years, today I earn more than my friends. But if you compare me and my brother, I have something he doesn't- Surety of job, and peace of mind ! "

A small statistics here about Indian men who earn less (< 5/ 8lakhs per anum): These are the men who don't care whether the woman works or not. The ones who earn less than 5 lakhs on the other hand prefer their woman not working at all and take care of her like a queen. Whereas the ones who earn anything more than 8 (there might be some rare exceptions), are firm that their woman should earn (her own) money !
So you see how too much money makes you greedy for more, and how you just survive on probabilities on having a better project, more money, a rich wife, or a supposedly big life. Whereas people who find happiness in every little thing, actually live.

I don't mean to say that you need to earn less to live. You need to find your time to live. You can even earn lakhs or crores a year, and still know where to draw a line, to "live". But for some strange reason most of us are madly driven into building a reputation of earning big, than living big, and I can very safely say that the ones in a rush are the ones who are least happy or peaceful. Having read this, decide if you see yourself surviving the several competitions or living the real life

Chennai 2012

I can very safely call it the "Chennai 2012", as I go there only once a year for one or two days, and it is enough for an entire year. I have never bothered to extend my stay even for an hour. I go there to worship my Guru, and He is the only factor that takes me to Chennai.

Chennai is a city that changes itself often. Even if you live there for a decade, you can still be new there. Its extreme climatic condition makes visiting there an unforgettable experience. This trip, including my mom a lot of close friends have fallen terribly ill.

This year, I was busy traveling elsewhere and didn't bother accompanying mom to buy the Chennai tickets. Neither did I  bother to know the dates, as I know for sure that no matter where in the world I am, I will definitely make it to the annual worship. So when I get to know the dates, I realize we are leaving Chennai the next day!


The first thing I want to do is to meet my two dear friends there, and we made a plan to meet. If you would like to know what exactly happened throughout the meet, read N's perspective of the meet. (I am sure you will love reading it)
Don't ask me why suddenly I have started loving the beach again, but I just happened to love it the way I used to long back. Hence it was me who insisted on going to the beach. And I just realized that we had a brownie to substitute a cake.


Time just FLEW. Talking nonsense, seeing a not very useful person, and doing so many useless things was compensated by knowing more about photography, photographs, Govind's camera, and posing for Nandhini and Govind's camera.  (After reading my previous post, Govind asks me, oh by the way who is the G in that post of yours knowing well that it is him! I don't know why he chooses to act funny at times)
The time was well spent, and I didn't regret my extended stay as meeting Nandhini and Govind was such a pleasure.

My opinion about Chennai- It is a city that has its own charm in several ways, I was talking to Sri Ram the other day about Carnatic music, the way it is in Hyderabad and the way it is in Chennai. Both of us who extremely dislike Chennai could not disagree that Chennai is indeed better than Hyderabad in many ways.
The first time I actually enjoyed Chennai was when I went shopping with my cousin. There was SO much in the city. If it were less polluted, and had a more tolerable weather, I would infact love living there. Now that my work doesn't demand me to live there, I am extremely happy.
But for the above two, you can certainly find a lot of reasons why Chennai can be a good place to live.

I am glad that this visit has ended on a nice note, and I am looking forward to visiting it next year. And before that I am waiting to have Nandhini and Govind at Hyderabad.


PS: Govind has now got eatalian poisoning.

Current Track: Doosri Darling- 7 Khoon Maaf

I Don't Know Why the Kolaveri

Yet another post today that adds to the insignificance in our lives.
The last week has been weird. I have had all possible things happening to me. And nowadays, I get scared of Fridays because weekends are disasters. Nothing mine worth writing here, so I am going to write about what happened to a friend of mine, and in which direction I began thinking.

This friend of mine to whom I spoke when I much needed to, happened to tell me a story of his own which was actually painful. He has been fighting depression for a reason of his own(no points for guessing that it was provoked by a girl)

After this conversation, I logged in to facebook, and as usual the home page was filled with notifications of friends sharing pathetically insignificant photos. One of which, I found appropriate to his situation.

Unfortunate Reality 

 

 

Yes, strange things have happened to him, worse than what you see in the picture above. But I would have never felt sad for a guy if he were not my friend(not a close friend like this one). I would have just said "Serves all the guys right! " and keep going with my life.
Finding a soul mate or even searching your own soul for that matter is a freaky thing. (After my attempt to search my own soul, I preferred to tell myself that "ignorance is bliss" is the heights of enlightenment.)

These are things to do only if you are really tough with yourself or old enough to see the unexpected. And having such guts is next to impossible.
But for many people who think that a Prince/Princess would come to the rescue, life is only going to be an endless wait. Get out and save yourself, at least don't put yourself into trouble. Getting over an emotional situation is never pleasant whether you are a man or a woman. The more practical and principled you are in life, the lesser are the chances that you might get into trouble. If you let emotions take the lead, it is going to ruin you and make you its prisoner. I still don't understand how people break up and get depressed if that is what they volunteered to choose.
It is indeed tough for just any person. Blessed are the people who don't get angry even when provoked, who don't get sad even in turmoil, who don't cry even in pain. But neither will they be able to smile in happiness, or laugh in joy.

Something that I NEVER expected I will ever do, I did. I was listening to the Kolaveri song all Sunday, and found sense in it. (yes, I hate myself for that already)

Current track: midi 20- A French Slam by Grand Corps Malade

The Insignificant New Year

This year is new enough for me to get into the technical aspects.
The feeling of 2012 has sunk in after about a whole month (yes, technically, 2 days left!)
This year is characteristic in our lives (mine, and the few friends of mine of my age).
It is called the "insignificant year of our lives". Like I had written in my previous post about crises, it seems that it is a part of the insignificance.

Last time I had quite a few things to say in the beginning and the end of the year. This year may or may not be a collective attempt to not curse our past.

This list of things would rather be for the happy moments of the insignificant year!

1. Work: Yes, now all of us are working, and we are so serious about it. Reason why I am serious about mine is because it promises to pay me to buy things I wanted, and financially support me for my insanity.At the moment, a beautiful camera is the driving force.

2. Traveling: You can never do too much of traveling. Having the energy, time, and money at a time to do anything is impossible. I decide to travel for many reasons, traveling does good things to me (has done bad things as well. But just that I ve learn't not to go on adventures without vaccination)

3. Reading: Learning is such a never ending process, and reading is the best way to learn. Very few people in existence are impressive speakers to impart anything worth remembering all life. Plus, reading proves to be a wonderful relaxation to the mind body and soul. This year, I am going to indulge in reading not just in English but also in French.

4. New Language: I am telling my friends how learning a new language gives you a new soul (I am not assuring you of any soul mate), and how wonderful it feels to be able to express yourself in a new dimension!
This year for, next on the cards is either Spanish or Arabic, whichever comes first. (French is my love, and I will continue to dedicate my work life only for French)

5. Fighting out things: All of us are upset about some one thing specific to our lives that is bothering us at our core. It is not easy to live with, but I think we can fight it out. I am going to fight out, and resolve things in life without waiting for help or company. My first step, I went shopping, and it has helped me make a kick start.

6. Living up to Dreams: Dreams and fantasies have been so integral in our lives till date, but somehow there are moments that make us abandon our dreams that define us in their own way. My list of dreams is ceaselessly long, and I doubt if I will be able to achieve all of them within this year. But if I make a start, nevertheless, I am sure I can tick off quite a few things in the list. (it is only human to want more )

7. Physical activities: Yes, we are all on an imbalanced side of health and weight now. For me physical activity is such a must not just for the good health of my physical body, but also for my mental body and emotional body. Who knows if I would really be able to play the sports I have been wanting to for long time. (let things reveal themselves gradually over the year (:

8. Meditation: We are letting life stress us out so much that physical activities just wont suffice !
I for one, should stop hyperventilating on useless things, and get serious about relaxation techniques.

9. Mistakes: To be bold enough to make mistakes, and learn from them to never repeat them again is a blessing. This year I hope to be bold enough to make new mistakes if that is what I should do to learn somethings. I have thankfully learn't lessons from my previous mistakes, and I wish I get to employ things this year well enough.

10. The special effects: I am going to be wearing my chef hat again, and start off making exotic dishes encore. It has been a while since I have let the masterchef side of me into the kitchen. I am going to note these details in french in my journal, and if it is turns out something worth reading, it will be shared.
I am going to get the guitar(my proud possession) out of the bag, and make an honest attempt to play it, and sing a few songs along with it.

11. Put up with morons with a pleasing smile: I have started on one. Every new day shows you a new moron. I am not going to expect seeing miracles (ahem ahem.. miracles can happen on anything), or wonderful people, but definitely going to grow up this year in handling them with some better maturity.
There are beautiful lessons that one would learn while doing this, and I shall share those details if the look worth sharing by the end of the year.

 By the end of everything, I am not perturbed if I would become a part of the cosmic dust in exactly a year from now. I am glad that I am in this state of mind.
Happy New year to one and all.. and wishing happy memories for the insignificant year to the ones of my age.

Mujhe Mil Jo Jaye Thoda Paisa

I generally have a habit of ending my posts mentioning the current track that is on my mind or playing on the player.
But this time, I am going to dedicate a whole post for this song. It has a beautiful nostalgia associated with it.

This song, was composed by Agosh, and was released somewhere in the 90s. It would come on MTV, and on i TV. And yes, the elders so detested us for watching those channels. (Seriously, things were not that bad back then.) So the wait for it to come on channels like Sony or Star would be a greater wait and pain.

There have been plenty of songs in the 90s that have taught us many things and entertained us better than the new ones. May be that is what makes them so special that we grew up listening to them. Music was not that easily available back then. You would have to ceaselessly try making STD calls to channels to play your favorite song, or buy an incredibly expensive video CD which would have a maximum of 10 songs. If budget was a problem, we had casette that would be used for recording all the new songs, and getting permission from parents to play music on the tape recorder would be an ordeal. Then came the rights to use the walkmen, but even then, budgeting was a problem with the ones which needed batteries.
There were several other things that made listening to music a memorable hobby. Now music has evolved from being a hobby to a part of life. I am glad about this change. Rather I am happy that I have been throughout this evolution.
So here is this song, one of my favorites, which reminds me of how we felt back then, and how we have made an effort to make changes that we actually dreamt back then.
Mujhe mil jo jaye thoda paisa. (If I d get some money)

If people still have this song on their iPOD or phone, they would certainly listen to it every month end or in the beginning of a new job/career. 
Life has beautifully changed and progressed. If you are a person who has not lived in the 90s, I hope this song inspires you to get over whatever complaints you have with your time now, and be the change you expect.
I would say that I live up to the changes I expected when I heard the song back then. Many of us have, and hope we inspire you all pretty well.
The song has English subtitles(if you don't understand Hindi), and it describes "all" the problems "we" had, and all what we expected in terms of financial life.

We Care And We Can't Help It!

I can certainly say that 90% of the problems in my life are because I care, and 10% because others don't care.
We women find million things to dislike in men in terms of their general nature, but they totally beat us in two things.
1 we care (let the second remain secret for a while now)

I am not yet sure if the caring part in us comes along with the inbuilt maternal instinct or if it just plain feminine, whatever it is, it exists in all of us, and every woman knows she suffers from it.
Things we care can be anything from our hair, our body, how we feel, how we smell, how we look, how we are looked at, how life works, how life doesn't work, and just everything but for "How life can still carelessly go on", and every bit of this can perturb us and we let it do so.

Caring for aspects in life that are of use or no use does not outweigh our characters of dynamism, or organization or just anything else which we blame men to not have, because men still live without all these simply telling "I don't care", and we on the other hand die every day, every possible moment because we care. Some of us die just trying to not care or losing the battle in trying not to care

Every strong, bold, confident, dynamic woman has a core inside that she protects. It is that core that we guard untouched. Sometimes hoping it tears itself apart when we can do nothing to destroy it, or at least not bother it exists. But it so deep within us, that we let it exist covered by immense hope that there would be some day in our life that we cared any less.

I wish I cared less for many things. Today's thoughts have been provoked by a lady who cared for me and told me "If you turn back and look at your life in the future, you will never find yourself perfectly going your way without making mistakes, and it is a natural process of going ahead."

I feel she was indeed right. I hope that these things, when I look back someday might be too insignificant to remember or just a lesson well learnt. But even while positively thinking about this, a part of me hopes that things might change that I would not need to care for the things that I actually care.

I am sure a lot of women associate yourself to this. Some can explain it well, many can't even on shouting out loud. I hope we all get over this someday.
Love and Peace !

Current track : Country roads - I used to sing this song when I was a kid in school. Brings back beautiful memories.