Its been ages since i felt like this, and i am happy to write it down and share it.
It has been some sort of a co- incidence that most of my friends on facebook felt like they ve been " missing their own self" at the same time when i was feeling so.
One starts to grow up after school, and (s)he grows up in so many different ways, sometimes missing a part of oneself that defines the core. I had been feeling that quite a lot although i was very happy to welcome a lot of drastic changes in life.
The best thing that could happen would be to strike a right balance between the change and the constant "actual" self. I believe it is one of the toughest things to balance.
To balance anything, you need to touch the two extremes to know the mid point.
I am happy i touched extremes. But when you touch any extreme, it is tough for you to turn back.
It was in the beginning of December when i had met an official who is about 10 years senior to me, and had a conversation with him. I was confident enough to answer him anything he had asked me. I think the fact that my conversation with him would not do any great harm to my career gave me the confidence to speak bold (although i m glad it did some good). i enjoyed the whole day for having made him feel dumb with my answers, and he was short of questions. A narcissist i am who likes to make people shut up with my wits. Its a main reason i like to read, and know most of the things no matter how odd it is in the name of "general knowledge". And i do just everything possible to update my "general knowledge", and believe me, i ve been tagged by my best friend that i have a perseverance that knows no limits!
A few days later, i happened to talk to a friend who is only 2 years senior to me. Once i started answering, he asked me more and more questions. It was not many questions till i felt that i need to think further. i felt damn horrible that i could not answer a person who is just 2 years senior than me, when i could comfortably make a person 10 years senior speechless. He then reminded me of an age old technique that i used to follow to achieve whatever i have. It was a technique i followed well, and even taught it to about 100 people to make a difference in their life, and eventually in due course of time, i stopped practicing it.
That night i did not sleep, and worked on it. For about a week, i was immersed into an introspection.
Finally, i broke out of it two days back, and began working on the tasks that i had decided.
I landed giving myself a wonderful Christmas Gift. Here are the results of working out with that technique:
1. I no longer "miss" myself. i came back with a bang! :D :P
2. I could come to the center to be able to balance some odd extremes.
3. I started working on issues that are really pending, my priorities, and the rest. (don't ask what all they are, for its awfully lengthy to write down here in this space. so save yourself :P )
4. I decided that i shall not miss my dad, this Christmas i did everything that i would perhaps do if my dad were alive today.
I did not cut a whole KG of cake and decorate my house. But i lived up to the actual Christmas spirit.
My cook had bought some cake for me as he knows that Christmas is uniquely special to me and dad would have made sure that there is cake for Christmas.
I saw my dad in the cake that we all had together.
I was into sharing and giving things like how dad likes it.
I remember reading in one of my friend's status message that one doesn't have to wait for Christmas to learn to share/ give things. My dad sure was a person who believed that, although he had his own way of putting it to me. But i had to wait for Christmas to remind myself of dad, and i am glad about it.
I got in to do something that he really missed doing. Something that he would love to do if he were alive. and i took up doing it as a grown up. If he were alive today, he would be so happy to see me doing what he dreamt. What i did is a beautiful secret between us, and he d love to see me keep up the friendship even after his death.
There are a lot of people who have lost either of their parents in their life, and it sure is a scar no doubt, worse is that it gives a feeling of being "shattered" among the family members who are still alive. It has take me 11 years to realize that my father can still live. Its our thoughts and love that makes them continue to live.
I ve felt him alive in my Christmas today, and hope to see him in every festival to come in future.
It felt like he had taken along with him a part of our lives when he died, but today i feel that he has left some part of his life for us to live with.
I live in his dreams, his hopes, his ambitions, and of all things, his friendship and look forward to find him in many more things in life. It would surely be nice to have him here to celebrate the joy together, but it is not so horrible to cry in his physical absence.
Somewhere in ether, i believe his soul is wandering and my love would surely touch him and tell him that i d always be proud of being his daughter-friend. Merry Christmas appa!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Au revoir 2010
It has indeed been long since i wrote anything here, and before the year ends, i felt i better make a post
2010- damn i cant believe a whole year has passed by! i m still surprised by that. but life goes on, so i m ready for 2011
I dont remember how things were during jan, feb or march. all i can gather is that i tried hard to get over the T vacation that we had and made a really hard effort to have the text books open (dont ask me how much i read nor my marks) a part of the "not so happy" part of my life began when april started. continued for quite sometime, retrospecting back, i m glad that whatever happened, happened for good. Graduated this year- threw away all the science books from my life and changed my track to get into Arts.
june and july were horrible. august was ok. i was atleast not that ill like the other times, so thats the best gift life has given me.
the only notable thing the whole year has been french. i started my french classes as soon as my exams got over. i started my course in the alliance francaise from the second level in the month of may- june.
since then, french has been the love of my life. for whatever reasons which only my dairy knows, i sincerely love it and i doubt if i d love the man of my life the way i love the language.
there is nothing without obstacles- august- september was really bad at french.. i felt i m gonna stop it at that level. but my determination to stick to it was worth. september- october- november: i dont know when it passed by! december was amazing. i really felt like what i wanted to.
There have been a LOT of changes in the second half of the year, a makeover that i expected has taken place, although the makeover in my physical appearance seems to take more time, a beautiful start has happened.
Its year end, and i am back to the hyperness which i once had and forgot about them after the stressful times i had till july. i really wish i get back here next december really chirpy.
last december was pretty philosophical (philosophy is no less this year, just that i m too lazy to write them down here. but damn all my 6 senses are charged with philosophy!)
and yes my rule of NEVER trusting anyone seems to be the "default" instruction for my life. no matter who it is, i shant trust for trust is THE thing you need for betrayal.
and thoughts for the year that i would like to leave here for me to see whenever i d want to:
1 Wannabes: never encourage them. they ll suck just everything out of you.
2 Discussing opinions: never let anyone know about your opinions- for they are your own (er.. i guess i said the same thing last year giving it an analogy with assholes. damn! why is it that i m having to write it again?)
3 Talks: being talkative is not at all an advantage, no matter who the person is with whom you are having your conversation
4 Life: there is just one life to live, and live it without any regrets. Neither regrets nor guilt.
5 Money: a damn bloody necessary evil. you cannot live nor die without it
6 Work: a place where hypocrites are called diplomats.
7 Thoughts: the philosophical thing that i learnt "pass not any judgment". (dreaming is good. very good infact :P )
8 Singing and dancing: the best ways to love yourself better. i feel that it adds on the romance when you are an artist.
9 Redemption: with about 100% proof, i declare that the "quit india movement" is the real redemption.
10 Where am i going?: wherever life takes me!
2010- damn i cant believe a whole year has passed by! i m still surprised by that. but life goes on, so i m ready for 2011
I dont remember how things were during jan, feb or march. all i can gather is that i tried hard to get over the T vacation that we had and made a really hard effort to have the text books open (dont ask me how much i read nor my marks) a part of the "not so happy" part of my life began when april started. continued for quite sometime, retrospecting back, i m glad that whatever happened, happened for good. Graduated this year- threw away all the science books from my life and changed my track to get into Arts.
june and july were horrible. august was ok. i was atleast not that ill like the other times, so thats the best gift life has given me.
the only notable thing the whole year has been french. i started my french classes as soon as my exams got over. i started my course in the alliance francaise from the second level in the month of may- june.
since then, french has been the love of my life. for whatever reasons which only my dairy knows, i sincerely love it and i doubt if i d love the man of my life the way i love the language.
there is nothing without obstacles- august- september was really bad at french.. i felt i m gonna stop it at that level. but my determination to stick to it was worth. september- october- november: i dont know when it passed by! december was amazing. i really felt like what i wanted to.
There have been a LOT of changes in the second half of the year, a makeover that i expected has taken place, although the makeover in my physical appearance seems to take more time, a beautiful start has happened.
Its year end, and i am back to the hyperness which i once had and forgot about them after the stressful times i had till july. i really wish i get back here next december really chirpy.
last december was pretty philosophical (philosophy is no less this year, just that i m too lazy to write them down here. but damn all my 6 senses are charged with philosophy!)
and yes my rule of NEVER trusting anyone seems to be the "default" instruction for my life. no matter who it is, i shant trust for trust is THE thing you need for betrayal.
and thoughts for the year that i would like to leave here for me to see whenever i d want to:
1 Wannabes: never encourage them. they ll suck just everything out of you.
2 Discussing opinions: never let anyone know about your opinions- for they are your own (er.. i guess i said the same thing last year giving it an analogy with assholes. damn! why is it that i m having to write it again?)
3 Talks: being talkative is not at all an advantage, no matter who the person is with whom you are having your conversation
4 Life: there is just one life to live, and live it without any regrets. Neither regrets nor guilt.
5 Money: a damn bloody necessary evil. you cannot live nor die without it
6 Work: a place where hypocrites are called diplomats.
7 Thoughts: the philosophical thing that i learnt "pass not any judgment". (dreaming is good. very good infact :P )
8 Singing and dancing: the best ways to love yourself better. i feel that it adds on the romance when you are an artist.
9 Redemption: with about 100% proof, i declare that the "quit india movement" is the real redemption.
10 Where am i going?: wherever life takes me!
Monday, November 8, 2010
My Regrets
This is a something that eventually turned out to become a short story, which was rather supposed to be an essay. It is a translated version of the french short story that i wrote of an old man writing to his diary about an event which he wished he could change.
"Your wife has lost both her legs in the accident, and your daughter has lost her memory. I am really sorry to inform you this" said the doctor this morning.
My wife Sylvie has been on romantic journey with me and has lived 60 years of life walking. I love her the same as i did when i married her, and shall continue to love her the same way. But i am actually disturbed about the memory loss of Michelle my daughter.
Frederic was 5 years when Michelle was born.I wish i could change just everything since that moment.
If i had looked deep into her eyes with love as i did to Frederic, i would have been a better parent.
If i had taken her to movies, to picnics, or even to school, i wouldn't feel guilty today. I don't understand why i liked Frederic more than Michelle although he was not good in his studies, nor talented,
nor loving nor special in any way. He had and has friends who like him for the money that i give him. But Michelle had and has close friends who like her for what she is- intelligent and adorable.
I had given Frederic a better education than Michelle and it did not make any difference- Frederic is still a parasite on me, but Michelle would have studied just anywhere, and today she has a respectable post in a big company in the United States, and is a part of an elite society.
I had given Frederic a job with my recommendation, and he no longer works there. But Michelle worked her own way towards her destiny. When she was a child, we never realized her love or intelligence. She reached out to the world and they all love her.
When Frederic lived with our money and kicked us out of our own house, Michelle stood by us and gave us a home and hope to live again. She began to take us on a vacation every year to a really nice location for a retreat. This year i asked her to take us to Thailand. She took us there, and asked us to join her in the U.S.
After a wonderful holiday, Sylvie and Michelle left to U.S, while i wanted to go to Paris once before i move to the US with her, and hence i was waiting in my suite than the airport. Within 30 minutes i received a telephone call that the two had met with a massive accident.
When i reached the hospital, i was given their baggage for identification. I could not even see either of them. But when the police officer saw Michelle's details of her work and her U.S citizenship, they sent us to Singapore for a better treatment. She commanded respect even from a stranger in a foreign land! If i hadn't asked her to bring me here for a vacation, there would have been chances to prevent this accident.
And today when the doctor told me that Michelle has lost her memory, it only makes me think with a guilt "have i ever given her memories that she has lost now"
P.S: Its a real story that i have come across. The names are changed.
"Your wife has lost both her legs in the accident, and your daughter has lost her memory. I am really sorry to inform you this" said the doctor this morning.
My wife Sylvie has been on romantic journey with me and has lived 60 years of life walking. I love her the same as i did when i married her, and shall continue to love her the same way. But i am actually disturbed about the memory loss of Michelle my daughter.
Frederic was 5 years when Michelle was born.I wish i could change just everything since that moment.
If i had looked deep into her eyes with love as i did to Frederic, i would have been a better parent.
If i had taken her to movies, to picnics, or even to school, i wouldn't feel guilty today. I don't understand why i liked Frederic more than Michelle although he was not good in his studies, nor talented,
nor loving nor special in any way. He had and has friends who like him for the money that i give him. But Michelle had and has close friends who like her for what she is- intelligent and adorable.
I had given Frederic a better education than Michelle and it did not make any difference- Frederic is still a parasite on me, but Michelle would have studied just anywhere, and today she has a respectable post in a big company in the United States, and is a part of an elite society.
I had given Frederic a job with my recommendation, and he no longer works there. But Michelle worked her own way towards her destiny. When she was a child, we never realized her love or intelligence. She reached out to the world and they all love her.
When Frederic lived with our money and kicked us out of our own house, Michelle stood by us and gave us a home and hope to live again. She began to take us on a vacation every year to a really nice location for a retreat. This year i asked her to take us to Thailand. She took us there, and asked us to join her in the U.S.
After a wonderful holiday, Sylvie and Michelle left to U.S, while i wanted to go to Paris once before i move to the US with her, and hence i was waiting in my suite than the airport. Within 30 minutes i received a telephone call that the two had met with a massive accident.
When i reached the hospital, i was given their baggage for identification. I could not even see either of them. But when the police officer saw Michelle's details of her work and her U.S citizenship, they sent us to Singapore for a better treatment. She commanded respect even from a stranger in a foreign land! If i hadn't asked her to bring me here for a vacation, there would have been chances to prevent this accident.
And today when the doctor told me that Michelle has lost her memory, it only makes me think with a guilt "have i ever given her memories that she has lost now"
P.S: Its a real story that i have come across. The names are changed.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Patricia
Its not that i had to wait to learn french to come across this name to remember my school friend Patricia, patsy as we all called her. I have written a few posts about some special people who mean something to me. this one is dedicated to her.
She is a person i ve been searching for years like i searched for Prithvi and Sriram and ultimately found them on social networking sites.
Patsy was a dusky girl compelled to be silent throughout the class. For some strangely usual and common incident that happened in kindergarten, nobody spoke to her. nobody went close to her. there was one time when we boycotted the teacher for having touched her.
There are so many rude and cruel things we did to patsy, there were many times she cried for the indifference shown towards her. and sometimes she would just accept it and keep moving. She was actually a sweet girl who did not deserve this and left school somewhere in class 3, and never turned towards this side since. and i really hope her life elsewhere should have been good. Although her sister did study in the same school for long, none of us bothered to check why patsy left school.
But she was at no fault for what happened to her. By the time i came to class 9, i realized how bad she should have felt when she was actually innocent and what all of us did was inhuman.
I ve heard such stories from many people of boycotting some student in the class, and the whole class turns against that student. It apparently IS normal, but i feel i ve grown out of it, and everyone of us would have too.
I hope that patsy would read this post someday and come down to meet me, and when she does, i will give her a big hug and make up for all that happened in school.
She is a person i ve been searching for years like i searched for Prithvi and Sriram and ultimately found them on social networking sites.
Patsy was a dusky girl compelled to be silent throughout the class. For some strangely usual and common incident that happened in kindergarten, nobody spoke to her. nobody went close to her. there was one time when we boycotted the teacher for having touched her.
There are so many rude and cruel things we did to patsy, there were many times she cried for the indifference shown towards her. and sometimes she would just accept it and keep moving. She was actually a sweet girl who did not deserve this and left school somewhere in class 3, and never turned towards this side since. and i really hope her life elsewhere should have been good. Although her sister did study in the same school for long, none of us bothered to check why patsy left school.
But she was at no fault for what happened to her. By the time i came to class 9, i realized how bad she should have felt when she was actually innocent and what all of us did was inhuman.
I ve heard such stories from many people of boycotting some student in the class, and the whole class turns against that student. It apparently IS normal, but i feel i ve grown out of it, and everyone of us would have too.
I hope that patsy would read this post someday and come down to meet me, and when she does, i will give her a big hug and make up for all that happened in school.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Individuality Of A Teacher
I was talking to a friend of mine about my social networking on facebook, and she asked me how on earth i could be comfortable with so many teachers, and professors on my list, and would i be as comfortable to have my student in my list.
I have not had any problem with any of them on my list, because they are the people who know me precisely as to what i am. if i talk something crazy, they d let me be crazy as long as i keep it on my own wall, and i would let them be what they are and would not mind them being crazy even in my wall, as long as they are friends and not trying to give me lessons of any sort on that website.
Having said that, i would surely not let any of my students be on my list, for the simple reason that i have an identity defined by them which is absolutely irrelevant. i mean why should my STUDENT define how i am supposed to be and what i should be doing, and comment or look at me as in "oh is it you?". Well, every teacher is in his/her serious best in a class. yes i crack jokes at times to give them a small break from seriousness, and do my best to be innovative. but that is my profession as of now, and i m sure to be as serious as possible to do justice for the money i get out of it.
Once i m out of the hall, i am just the same person as anyone else, open to ideas and suggestions, waiting for challenges, and happy to be crazy wherever possible. this is something natural in any person let alone a teaching member. and believe me this is something hard for a student to accept until s/he becomes one. i have no problem going along with my students or my mom's but i stopped that since i went with them to a beach where they looked at me "oh my god! in class you never looked like a person who would be interested in these things" i mean why should i keep expressing what i like/dislike to my students when i m being professional at my work? But it also gets very difficult to try to run back home or somewhere else when you have been captured!
I always hate it when my mom's students meet us when we are outdoors just to spend time with each other, and people take her away to have a small counseling session with her, and the entire charm of being together on an evening is lost. And something even more embarrassing, i was in inter college getting my chemistry doubts clarified from one lecturer when a senior came up to him and took the friendship he shared with the students for granted by asking him "sir how was the mirchi bajji that you had in that particular street on that day?" he was so embarrassed and couldn't even shoe that her away. many such instances have happened when me and my mom went out to have street food. To avoid that, once, we went to a restaurant really far with a hope that none of our students would make it there and we could talk and dine together for sometime. We found a big battalion of students who pulled us into their group.
I m not against it. but there are times when one wants to be alone, or just be with the family. at these times, the friendship that a teacher shares with the student is totally taken for granted.
i have a professor from college who was from the science department (the only science teaching member i am actually comfortable with)who is comfortable enough with me to accompany me to movies or for an ice cream. when i am out, i treat her as a normal person without expecting her to be the way she is in class.
EVERY other teaching member who is close to me, and with whom i always stay in touch with are language teachers right from school. i know the right time to call them, and i also know how to behave when i see them in public.
It is indeed the right way to respect your teacher by greeting them in public. but do not compel them to share that comfort level with you always.. they have a life, and you get yours.
Having said that, a teacher always knows his/her conduct of behavior and responsibility when it comes to this profession.
Respect the individuality of a teacher! let him/her be the way s/he wants to be when his/her momentary purpose is not to impart education of any sort to you.
I have not had any problem with any of them on my list, because they are the people who know me precisely as to what i am. if i talk something crazy, they d let me be crazy as long as i keep it on my own wall, and i would let them be what they are and would not mind them being crazy even in my wall, as long as they are friends and not trying to give me lessons of any sort on that website.
Having said that, i would surely not let any of my students be on my list, for the simple reason that i have an identity defined by them which is absolutely irrelevant. i mean why should my STUDENT define how i am supposed to be and what i should be doing, and comment or look at me as in "oh is it you?". Well, every teacher is in his/her serious best in a class. yes i crack jokes at times to give them a small break from seriousness, and do my best to be innovative. but that is my profession as of now, and i m sure to be as serious as possible to do justice for the money i get out of it.
Once i m out of the hall, i am just the same person as anyone else, open to ideas and suggestions, waiting for challenges, and happy to be crazy wherever possible. this is something natural in any person let alone a teaching member. and believe me this is something hard for a student to accept until s/he becomes one. i have no problem going along with my students or my mom's but i stopped that since i went with them to a beach where they looked at me "oh my god! in class you never looked like a person who would be interested in these things" i mean why should i keep expressing what i like/dislike to my students when i m being professional at my work? But it also gets very difficult to try to run back home or somewhere else when you have been captured!
I always hate it when my mom's students meet us when we are outdoors just to spend time with each other, and people take her away to have a small counseling session with her, and the entire charm of being together on an evening is lost. And something even more embarrassing, i was in inter college getting my chemistry doubts clarified from one lecturer when a senior came up to him and took the friendship he shared with the students for granted by asking him "sir how was the mirchi bajji that you had in that particular street on that day?" he was so embarrassed and couldn't even shoe that her away. many such instances have happened when me and my mom went out to have street food. To avoid that, once, we went to a restaurant really far with a hope that none of our students would make it there and we could talk and dine together for sometime. We found a big battalion of students who pulled us into their group.
I m not against it. but there are times when one wants to be alone, or just be with the family. at these times, the friendship that a teacher shares with the student is totally taken for granted.
i have a professor from college who was from the science department (the only science teaching member i am actually comfortable with)who is comfortable enough with me to accompany me to movies or for an ice cream. when i am out, i treat her as a normal person without expecting her to be the way she is in class.
EVERY other teaching member who is close to me, and with whom i always stay in touch with are language teachers right from school. i know the right time to call them, and i also know how to behave when i see them in public.
It is indeed the right way to respect your teacher by greeting them in public. but do not compel them to share that comfort level with you always.. they have a life, and you get yours.
Having said that, a teacher always knows his/her conduct of behavior and responsibility when it comes to this profession.
Respect the individuality of a teacher! let him/her be the way s/he wants to be when his/her momentary purpose is not to impart education of any sort to you.
Sidharth Narayan
Indeed it has been a very long time since i wrote anything here. Although a lot of my writing is now stored in hard copies, which i prefer nowadays for some stupidly romantic antique reasons, i am happy enough to be writing here again.
i wanted to write today about an old school friend of mine till i came across this video on facebook.
Sidharth Narayan: a really good looking and charming actor and a person whom i wished was my family member.
when i first liked him, it was mainly for his looks, and secondarily for his acting which one would have accepted for his looks.
Then i started hating him when i realized that he was divorced. the news that came was rather put like this "he divorced his wife for Soha Ali Khan who eventually dumped him" i never watched his movies with the same enthusiasm. even today, i dont have a good opinion about people who get divorced for absolutely silly reasons forgetting the commitment they make towards each other when they actually decide to get married.
Recently, when i came across some movie of his, i was not very uncomfortable as i was watching it as a critic without any expectations from sidharth as a person, but expectations from him as a potential actor. thats how i watch movies nowadays. i have no interest in watching movies for timepass. i would like to know something from it, or i would want a real good entertainment and movies that have scenes and clippings from English, French, Spanish, Italian and all the other possible languages repeated exactly the same annoy me to the core. it looks as though Indian cinema has lost its individuality. (Nowadays i m writing a lot about individuality.) Those copied jokes, or fight scenes or sentimental/emotional scenes do not entertain me even a tiny rodent's a***e. In indian movies, the current ones to be more specific, you would only find love stories, may be about 1% would have something to about changing the pathetic state of the country or something of that sort, but the same movie would have irrelevant scenes of comedy, dance, and mushy romantic scenes. or the other movies with the title claiming to deliver such messages, would have the latter in them.
Well, this post is mainly to talk about individuality in terms of sidharth than indian cinema.
here is a link of the video that really impressed me and i got over the hatred i had for him.
I no longer hate him, but neither do i love him as crazy as i did in my adolosense. i am just open. it doesnt matter if he is divorced or he dumped his wife or if he is even chasing some other woman.... because i am surely not going to marry him and live a whole life with him for me to judge him on any criteria.
So here goes my opinion about him now
Sidharth Narayan- a socially responsible versatile actor.
(if you try to derive some pun out of this line, you may surely go ahead.. but i did not mean it though)
Hope you like the video, and let people be what they are and sidharth here for this conversation.
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1615590399207&oid=150562408316479
i wanted to write today about an old school friend of mine till i came across this video on facebook.
Sidharth Narayan: a really good looking and charming actor and a person whom i wished was my family member.
when i first liked him, it was mainly for his looks, and secondarily for his acting which one would have accepted for his looks.
Then i started hating him when i realized that he was divorced. the news that came was rather put like this "he divorced his wife for Soha Ali Khan who eventually dumped him" i never watched his movies with the same enthusiasm. even today, i dont have a good opinion about people who get divorced for absolutely silly reasons forgetting the commitment they make towards each other when they actually decide to get married.
Recently, when i came across some movie of his, i was not very uncomfortable as i was watching it as a critic without any expectations from sidharth as a person, but expectations from him as a potential actor. thats how i watch movies nowadays. i have no interest in watching movies for timepass. i would like to know something from it, or i would want a real good entertainment and movies that have scenes and clippings from English, French, Spanish, Italian and all the other possible languages repeated exactly the same annoy me to the core. it looks as though Indian cinema has lost its individuality. (Nowadays i m writing a lot about individuality.) Those copied jokes, or fight scenes or sentimental/emotional scenes do not entertain me even a tiny rodent's a***e. In indian movies, the current ones to be more specific, you would only find love stories, may be about 1% would have something to about changing the pathetic state of the country or something of that sort, but the same movie would have irrelevant scenes of comedy, dance, and mushy romantic scenes. or the other movies with the title claiming to deliver such messages, would have the latter in them.
Well, this post is mainly to talk about individuality in terms of sidharth than indian cinema.
here is a link of the video that really impressed me and i got over the hatred i had for him.
I no longer hate him, but neither do i love him as crazy as i did in my adolosense. i am just open. it doesnt matter if he is divorced or he dumped his wife or if he is even chasing some other woman.... because i am surely not going to marry him and live a whole life with him for me to judge him on any criteria.
So here goes my opinion about him now
Sidharth Narayan- a socially responsible versatile actor.
(if you try to derive some pun out of this line, you may surely go ahead.. but i did not mean it though)
Hope you like the video, and let people be what they are and sidharth here for this conversation.
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1615590399207&oid=150562408316479
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Journey in a Tamil Nadu Bus
A lot of people have an identity crisis. and their efforts to get an identity is always hilarious, amusing or entertaining.
This is something that happened during my travel that i wanted to write it here since then.
Me and my mom were travelling to pudukottai from kumbakonam by bus. That was a nice time we got to actually talk to each other about funny things and have some nice conversation. It was a perfect example as to how a mother- daughter combo can be envious. (*Disclaimer: its not that we are always so good towards each other to be an idol of perfection. There is not a single day that goes by without terrible fights, teasing, annoying, etc. there are somethings in it that i really like and those my mom dislikes and vice versa. well.. the age difference which is huge makes up for the obvious generation gap. but never the less, we are good friends at times you would least expect. And we love each other so much)
This was an ideal time to share things that i wanted to, and for her to do the same. We had that conversation with our own personal opinions, comments etc, which made us laugh and keep it going on. Then there was a muslim lady who sat beside my mother. she was nice and started talking to my mother. Amma had a nice time talking to her. then i joined them in the conversation and it was good. so now its 3 people in a really nice conversation having a good time together.
Typical of such people with id crisis, there was a guy sitting behind us, making calls to people talking about himself of everything that a stranger would perhaps want to know to a person he "knows" for long over the phone. He was quite loud- as loud as the horn perhaps that everyone in the bus could hear him. And obviously we were not interested to talk to him all the more. But never the less, it was quite amusing about the way he carried it off.
heres some info about him that he wanted the entire bus to know:
that he is from malaysia. Now in love with india wanting to settle down here, and earns quite a good money to survive luxuriously in india. and that he designs swimming pools as profession.
He managed to start a conversation with the both of us, and i found the view outside the window better than talking to him. Neither was my mom interested talking to him. So he gave her some more personal details of his to her so loud that the whole bus could hear and asked her some things about her. She was careful talking about herself. When she told him that tanjore is our native, he tried out an expression in tamil that sounded so artificial and annoying. he payed for it with a nose breaking reply from my mom. Then when he went on describing about his swimming pool designs, my mother got so bored that she asked him "oh.bathroom accessories also you mean?". that one line was just enough for him to totally shut up.(mom i love u. u re still the same that u were in taunting those silly jerks in the past) but his talks over the phones on STD and ISD calls did not end till he got down.
He was talking as though he is the only one who has been out of india. Me, my mom, and infact that simple looking muslim woman who was clad in a burkha were people who have been to more countries than he would have. Real travellers never crib about any place. they only take it as anew experience and another adventure to face.
Then he got down. The bus driver then peacefully put on a movie for the passengers, and the two of us were exhausted laughing at the stupidity of that guy, and so many conversations that we were dead silent. so was the bus. at frequent intervals, we had hearty laughs at the way the bus conductor would taunt at people who carelessly had their head out of the window, or were foot boarding etc.
Buses in tamil nadu never cease to entertain anyone.
This is something that happened during my travel that i wanted to write it here since then.
Me and my mom were travelling to pudukottai from kumbakonam by bus. That was a nice time we got to actually talk to each other about funny things and have some nice conversation. It was a perfect example as to how a mother- daughter combo can be envious. (*Disclaimer: its not that we are always so good towards each other to be an idol of perfection. There is not a single day that goes by without terrible fights, teasing, annoying, etc. there are somethings in it that i really like and those my mom dislikes and vice versa. well.. the age difference which is huge makes up for the obvious generation gap. but never the less, we are good friends at times you would least expect. And we love each other so much)
This was an ideal time to share things that i wanted to, and for her to do the same. We had that conversation with our own personal opinions, comments etc, which made us laugh and keep it going on. Then there was a muslim lady who sat beside my mother. she was nice and started talking to my mother. Amma had a nice time talking to her. then i joined them in the conversation and it was good. so now its 3 people in a really nice conversation having a good time together.
Typical of such people with id crisis, there was a guy sitting behind us, making calls to people talking about himself of everything that a stranger would perhaps want to know to a person he "knows" for long over the phone. He was quite loud- as loud as the horn perhaps that everyone in the bus could hear him. And obviously we were not interested to talk to him all the more. But never the less, it was quite amusing about the way he carried it off.
heres some info about him that he wanted the entire bus to know:
that he is from malaysia. Now in love with india wanting to settle down here, and earns quite a good money to survive luxuriously in india. and that he designs swimming pools as profession.
He managed to start a conversation with the both of us, and i found the view outside the window better than talking to him. Neither was my mom interested talking to him. So he gave her some more personal details of his to her so loud that the whole bus could hear and asked her some things about her. She was careful talking about herself. When she told him that tanjore is our native, he tried out an expression in tamil that sounded so artificial and annoying. he payed for it with a nose breaking reply from my mom. Then when he went on describing about his swimming pool designs, my mother got so bored that she asked him "oh.bathroom accessories also you mean?". that one line was just enough for him to totally shut up.(mom i love u. u re still the same that u were in taunting those silly jerks in the past) but his talks over the phones on STD and ISD calls did not end till he got down.
He was talking as though he is the only one who has been out of india. Me, my mom, and infact that simple looking muslim woman who was clad in a burkha were people who have been to more countries than he would have. Real travellers never crib about any place. they only take it as anew experience and another adventure to face.
Then he got down. The bus driver then peacefully put on a movie for the passengers, and the two of us were exhausted laughing at the stupidity of that guy, and so many conversations that we were dead silent. so was the bus. at frequent intervals, we had hearty laughs at the way the bus conductor would taunt at people who carelessly had their head out of the window, or were foot boarding etc.
Buses in tamil nadu never cease to entertain anyone.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Chennai
For a long time i thought that the word cooum in tamil literally meant a stinky drainage. i realized that it is actually a proper water body that has been fully polluted that nobody can even stand near it. recently when i went to chennai, i heard that people there are planning to clean up the cooum for nostalgic reasons that once upon a time it was a nice place for people to go on boat rides. And more so after the movie "Madrasapattinam". i rather think the guys are doing it for amy jackson (obvious reasons associated with nostalgia that i neednt specify here :P ) [jeez, we need angrez now again for us to realize some tehzeeb or cleanliness,etc]
Well that was something important i wanted to mention here besides a few more things about my trip down south.
I was so bored on the very first day when i went. thankfully i was staying at my cousin's place as i landed there. although my cousin doesnt stay there now, paati, uncle and aunty make nice company. that was a perfect moment for me to declare to my mom that i am not attending the wedding reception. And i dint. i went out with all of them and had a good outing. i felt chennai was no worse than hyderabad. Well according to my own theory/ statement of chennai, i should be torturing myself for not disliking chennai now or should label myself as eccentric. i liked some parts of the city, sans the central station(or egmore for the matter of fact) which i eternally detest for its humidity and stink. Then about the transport facility there, one of the most amazing transport facilities i ve seen. in hyderabad, i d wait for a bus not less than half an hour unless i have a really lucky day.
I had one of the most hectic plans for my travel this time. and all over down south, i loved the travel be it in the auto, or taxi or in the bus.
then i returned back to chennai. attended the other wedding also. and before that i went for some shopping and i was overwhelmed. all those things gave me a really good zeal to work really hard to be able to afford all those things in life. well, not that i cannot afford them but want to have all that with my own money.
Then last but not the least- pirated cds. Well, i dont want to tell where exactly i found them. but bought 2 movies. i dont quite support piracy anymore after watching those movies. they were not worth my effort.
i know i m ending it quite blunt here. but thats a brief description about my vacation.
Well that was something important i wanted to mention here besides a few more things about my trip down south.
I was so bored on the very first day when i went. thankfully i was staying at my cousin's place as i landed there. although my cousin doesnt stay there now, paati, uncle and aunty make nice company. that was a perfect moment for me to declare to my mom that i am not attending the wedding reception. And i dint. i went out with all of them and had a good outing. i felt chennai was no worse than hyderabad. Well according to my own theory/ statement of chennai, i should be torturing myself for not disliking chennai now or should label myself as eccentric. i liked some parts of the city, sans the central station(or egmore for the matter of fact) which i eternally detest for its humidity and stink. Then about the transport facility there, one of the most amazing transport facilities i ve seen. in hyderabad, i d wait for a bus not less than half an hour unless i have a really lucky day.
I had one of the most hectic plans for my travel this time. and all over down south, i loved the travel be it in the auto, or taxi or in the bus.
then i returned back to chennai. attended the other wedding also. and before that i went for some shopping and i was overwhelmed. all those things gave me a really good zeal to work really hard to be able to afford all those things in life. well, not that i cannot afford them but want to have all that with my own money.
Then last but not the least- pirated cds. Well, i dont want to tell where exactly i found them. but bought 2 movies. i dont quite support piracy anymore after watching those movies. they were not worth my effort.
i know i m ending it quite blunt here. but thats a brief description about my vacation.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Yawn
Yet indeed another post of venting out my frustration etc... here.
Its technically my birthday eve, and i was quite happy till evening. but then i was reminded of a few events that made me totally mad.
Well the madness revolves around a few people and as usual my mother was victimized by my anger.
One such situation happened to another close friend of mine and she was in the same state as i am now. As usual of me, i just listened and changed the topic with the prime reason being that i really dint and still dont know what to do in those situations.
What is the situation? - Jerks! Who else?
There are some jerks revolving around my existence who consider themselves so important in my life that i cannot exist without them (as though i havent till i got to know them. Like i read somewhere and like what that friend said "they think that they define who i am."
its all BS. theres an ultimate core of myself that has an active mind that gives me my own identity and these people do not form any part of that.
Now all certain done, having realized this... what can i/ what did i do?
continued to have this feeling of kicking them hard and burning them in a hell hot oil, or even silly- shouting out loud to the world that i disown them from my life.
can i do either of them? NO i cant. so am i at peace or atleast relatively better? nope not at all.
when i did some research on pain and got some results, i was way to happy to write it down here. But it feels pathetic that there are so many things that one has to get over in life. and i realize that i have barely conquered anything. and all i can do is yawn, and get going and "shut up and listen" to those retards, and move myself out. God Save Me!!!!
Its technically my birthday eve, and i was quite happy till evening. but then i was reminded of a few events that made me totally mad.
Well the madness revolves around a few people and as usual my mother was victimized by my anger.
One such situation happened to another close friend of mine and she was in the same state as i am now. As usual of me, i just listened and changed the topic with the prime reason being that i really dint and still dont know what to do in those situations.
What is the situation? - Jerks! Who else?
There are some jerks revolving around my existence who consider themselves so important in my life that i cannot exist without them (as though i havent till i got to know them. Like i read somewhere and like what that friend said "they think that they define who i am."
its all BS. theres an ultimate core of myself that has an active mind that gives me my own identity and these people do not form any part of that.
Now all certain done, having realized this... what can i/ what did i do?
continued to have this feeling of kicking them hard and burning them in a hell hot oil, or even silly- shouting out loud to the world that i disown them from my life.
can i do either of them? NO i cant. so am i at peace or atleast relatively better? nope not at all.
when i did some research on pain and got some results, i was way to happy to write it down here. But it feels pathetic that there are so many things that one has to get over in life. and i realize that i have barely conquered anything. and all i can do is yawn, and get going and "shut up and listen" to those retards, and move myself out. God Save Me!!!!
Monday, August 9, 2010
Pain
if i were to define pain in my own words in a dictionary style, i would say, "a manifestation of stress in the physical body "
but theres a lot beyond that. i ve attended very few discourses, and was compelled to listen to some from people who considered themselves philosophically great. i am not complaining about them here.
Whenever i d sit on a meditation, or intend to ask something in return for my prayers, or do some kind of sadhna, i land up in pain (i m not very ashamed to agree that i cannot squat for more than an hour. beyond that, you d find me struggling with my legs).
sometimes, i experience pain in my head, or stomach or legs on anywhere when i d least expect a pain. and whenever i d get pain, i forget everything. i forget the fact that i m a sophisticated being, an educated idiot, or a cultured girl, or rather most importantly my schedule for that hour/day or sometimes, i even forget what i actually want.
now in the case of pain interrupting my prayer/sadhna. theres obviously a reason when i m doing it (or rather anyone for the matter of fact. if not anything atleast some mental peace. but no one asks just for mental peace all the time)
so when i am doing something like that, and get attacked by pain, my first request from God happens to be "get me free from this pain before i continue"
I realized what i am doing quite late. so in one of the prayer session in a temple where i was sitting amidst several people, i was attacked by pain again. i was silent. i decided not to "talk to God" about my pain. i was wriggling. Like a worm, a maggot, and couldnt help it. i eventually lost my entire concentration. At the end of it, i was not as happy as i would have otherwise been. generally such embarassing situations happens in public. but sometimes happens even when u are alone.
Leave alone public gatherings, when u dont particularly think of "asking" anything from anyone, when pain attacks you, youd forget what you are supposed to be doing that hour/ day. its like a repercussion for doing nothing harmful. (or sometimes for really having done it)
here is something that i kinda derived to have the pain and yet not let it bother your work.
first of all you sit quiet. in this silence you now exist with your pain. its only you and the pain. and declare to yourself that you no longer take responsibility of that pain. and that it plays no role in teaching you anything. declare that your mind and spirit does not accept the pain and they shall support you for what you want to do. . Try to be in a state of realization that the pain does not define you, or your efficiency or state of mind.
this should help you atleast till you finish your work.
*DISCLAIMER: i do not preach or support you to stop taking medicines of any sort. so pharmaceutical people stay away. :P
but theres a lot beyond that. i ve attended very few discourses, and was compelled to listen to some from people who considered themselves philosophically great. i am not complaining about them here.
Whenever i d sit on a meditation, or intend to ask something in return for my prayers, or do some kind of sadhna, i land up in pain (i m not very ashamed to agree that i cannot squat for more than an hour. beyond that, you d find me struggling with my legs).
sometimes, i experience pain in my head, or stomach or legs on anywhere when i d least expect a pain. and whenever i d get pain, i forget everything. i forget the fact that i m a sophisticated being, an educated idiot, or a cultured girl, or rather most importantly my schedule for that hour/day or sometimes, i even forget what i actually want.
now in the case of pain interrupting my prayer/sadhna. theres obviously a reason when i m doing it (or rather anyone for the matter of fact. if not anything atleast some mental peace. but no one asks just for mental peace all the time)
so when i am doing something like that, and get attacked by pain, my first request from God happens to be "get me free from this pain before i continue"
I realized what i am doing quite late. so in one of the prayer session in a temple where i was sitting amidst several people, i was attacked by pain again. i was silent. i decided not to "talk to God" about my pain. i was wriggling. Like a worm, a maggot, and couldnt help it. i eventually lost my entire concentration. At the end of it, i was not as happy as i would have otherwise been. generally such embarassing situations happens in public. but sometimes happens even when u are alone.
Leave alone public gatherings, when u dont particularly think of "asking" anything from anyone, when pain attacks you, youd forget what you are supposed to be doing that hour/ day. its like a repercussion for doing nothing harmful. (or sometimes for really having done it)
here is something that i kinda derived to have the pain and yet not let it bother your work.
first of all you sit quiet. in this silence you now exist with your pain. its only you and the pain. and declare to yourself that you no longer take responsibility of that pain. and that it plays no role in teaching you anything. declare that your mind and spirit does not accept the pain and they shall support you for what you want to do. . Try to be in a state of realization that the pain does not define you, or your efficiency or state of mind.
this should help you atleast till you finish your work.
*DISCLAIMER: i do not preach or support you to stop taking medicines of any sort. so pharmaceutical people stay away. :P
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Education System In India
For those of you expecting my critical comments on this topic, i am very sorry to disappoint you.
I dont care about the system as such. If i start cribbing about this, then i ll be led to a series of systems and land up in a conclusion that the system of my very existence is pathetically mundane. its like this column in face book or orkut where you are expected to provide your political views. believe me the opinion about the educational system in India would have as many rebellious opinions as the political views.
Here s what happened. A few days back we were given an assignment on this topic and asked to take a side for a debate. fortunately i did not attend the debate due to some personal reason. the very sight of the topic made me feel drained.
but then yesterday, i felt i should give it a thought, and let all the voices in my head speak out their opinion and come up with a summary.
I began thinking for myself without considering any other Indian kid as an example.
I was put in one of the most prestigious school since my play school. Then, in a corporate junior college, and then a good enough degree college. I have no complaints about my life in general in college. But when i think of in terms of intellectual growth, i really feel ashamed of myself for having wasted 3 years of my life. when i just completed my graduation, i came across a quote which said "about 80% of a person's intelligence is irreversibly damaged in due course of education of a 20 years of life". i realized how freakingly true it was. i was all hyper by the time i joined ug. and today, after having finished it, i feel i have got nothing to fly high in life according to my capacity/ ability.
here, the one to be blamed is not the educational system, but my very self. i regretted for choosing a typical college life which kinda promised me a definite future. what i actually keep seeking is an in depth knowledge in almost every amazing thing that i could come across. may not particularly master it or become a teacher in that field, but know everything i should to be able to enjoy it well with all its essence.
since school, i ve not been much of playground kid, but more a library kid. the world is the largest library with things happening live for you to learn, and i had certainly grown up enough to go through that learning. today when i see the road i had wrongly chosen before my degree, i repent. but i dont want to repeat my mistake again. i am now a free bird and i am "investing" my time on learning what all i could from the world.
For those people wondering how at all this could be interesting, its very simple.
1. Travel- its the most intense form of learning.
2. Read- find your own book and go ahead. dont expect some system to tell you what topics you should be reading. See what interests you, try to explore new things all by yourself.
3. Listen to a lot of music. try to sing out. even if you are not a very good singer. Play some musical instrument. Sometime during this process, you are sure to get bored or tired. you must have some recreation.
4. Go for some adventure sport. enjoy that adrenaline gush.
5. Work. doing all this is not cheap or economical. Worse- parents would surely not like this.
*DISCLAIMER* the above mentioned are safe to imply only after you are grown up enough to go out into the world with a strong foundation of grooming.
I have chosen to be this way hoping to fill my blog with lots of adventures, excitements and learning in my journey.
current track: para para pattaampoochi- katradhu tamizh
I dont care about the system as such. If i start cribbing about this, then i ll be led to a series of systems and land up in a conclusion that the system of my very existence is pathetically mundane. its like this column in face book or orkut where you are expected to provide your political views. believe me the opinion about the educational system in India would have as many rebellious opinions as the political views.
Here s what happened. A few days back we were given an assignment on this topic and asked to take a side for a debate. fortunately i did not attend the debate due to some personal reason. the very sight of the topic made me feel drained.
but then yesterday, i felt i should give it a thought, and let all the voices in my head speak out their opinion and come up with a summary.
I began thinking for myself without considering any other Indian kid as an example.
I was put in one of the most prestigious school since my play school. Then, in a corporate junior college, and then a good enough degree college. I have no complaints about my life in general in college. But when i think of in terms of intellectual growth, i really feel ashamed of myself for having wasted 3 years of my life. when i just completed my graduation, i came across a quote which said "about 80% of a person's intelligence is irreversibly damaged in due course of education of a 20 years of life". i realized how freakingly true it was. i was all hyper by the time i joined ug. and today, after having finished it, i feel i have got nothing to fly high in life according to my capacity/ ability.
here, the one to be blamed is not the educational system, but my very self. i regretted for choosing a typical college life which kinda promised me a definite future. what i actually keep seeking is an in depth knowledge in almost every amazing thing that i could come across. may not particularly master it or become a teacher in that field, but know everything i should to be able to enjoy it well with all its essence.
since school, i ve not been much of playground kid, but more a library kid. the world is the largest library with things happening live for you to learn, and i had certainly grown up enough to go through that learning. today when i see the road i had wrongly chosen before my degree, i repent. but i dont want to repeat my mistake again. i am now a free bird and i am "investing" my time on learning what all i could from the world.
For those people wondering how at all this could be interesting, its very simple.
1. Travel- its the most intense form of learning.
2. Read- find your own book and go ahead. dont expect some system to tell you what topics you should be reading. See what interests you, try to explore new things all by yourself.
3. Listen to a lot of music. try to sing out. even if you are not a very good singer. Play some musical instrument. Sometime during this process, you are sure to get bored or tired. you must have some recreation.
4. Go for some adventure sport. enjoy that adrenaline gush.
5. Work. doing all this is not cheap or economical. Worse- parents would surely not like this.
*DISCLAIMER* the above mentioned are safe to imply only after you are grown up enough to go out into the world with a strong foundation of grooming.
I have chosen to be this way hoping to fill my blog with lots of adventures, excitements and learning in my journey.
current track: para para pattaampoochi- katradhu tamizh
Friday, August 6, 2010
Enge Brahmanan? (where is the brahmin?)
This post has nothing to do with Cho's work "enge brahmanan". but it is a title i give to the things that i witness.
I am a brahmin by birth and by choice. i follow atleast most of the traditions of a brahmin (brahmana dharma).
Times have changed and there is a vast change in lifestyle since the time the brahmana dharma was even written. i agree that and i accept the changes hence made. But i always wonder when a person of any other caste/religion is not ashamed of following it righteously, why is a brahmin running away from his/her traditions?
here are the few things that annoy me to the core:
1.(S)He would not know even few basic words of sanskrit. worse is that they dont even know to speak their mother tongue. they can only speak english or some foreign language.
2. (S)He would not know that the basics of brahminism lies in hygiene. even a student of core science would detest this person.
3. (S)He would not even visit a temple once a year. and they would come up with some useless philosophy of their own to prove themselves right.
4. (S)He would be totally unaware about the method of performing puja.
5. (S)He would find great joy in eating non veg.
Yesterday, i was in a puja in a big gathering where the lady performing the puja did not know some basic ethics of the puja. she did not know when to light the camphor, what to do with a haldi ganapathi idol. worse she didnt know which diety she was actually supposed to offer her prayers to.
then, in the middle of the prayer, when everybody is seriously involved into it, she is busy playing with her kid, and feeding her the naivedyam which is meant to be offered to god. and she offers the remaining to god. useless explanation she is giving me for not knowing to whom she is supposed to worship. after seeing her latter aparadham, i did not even bother telling her the mistake.
If one choses a dharma to live, be it brahmana, or kshatryia, or vysya or sudra, follow the rules properly so that u dont have another blogger talk ill about such people ruining the beauty of the dharma they follow.
I am a brahmin by birth and by choice. i follow atleast most of the traditions of a brahmin (brahmana dharma).
Times have changed and there is a vast change in lifestyle since the time the brahmana dharma was even written. i agree that and i accept the changes hence made. But i always wonder when a person of any other caste/religion is not ashamed of following it righteously, why is a brahmin running away from his/her traditions?
here are the few things that annoy me to the core:
1.(S)He would not know even few basic words of sanskrit. worse is that they dont even know to speak their mother tongue. they can only speak english or some foreign language.
2. (S)He would not know that the basics of brahminism lies in hygiene. even a student of core science would detest this person.
3. (S)He would not even visit a temple once a year. and they would come up with some useless philosophy of their own to prove themselves right.
4. (S)He would be totally unaware about the method of performing puja.
5. (S)He would find great joy in eating non veg.
Yesterday, i was in a puja in a big gathering where the lady performing the puja did not know some basic ethics of the puja. she did not know when to light the camphor, what to do with a haldi ganapathi idol. worse she didnt know which diety she was actually supposed to offer her prayers to.
then, in the middle of the prayer, when everybody is seriously involved into it, she is busy playing with her kid, and feeding her the naivedyam which is meant to be offered to god. and she offers the remaining to god. useless explanation she is giving me for not knowing to whom she is supposed to worship. after seeing her latter aparadham, i did not even bother telling her the mistake.
If one choses a dharma to live, be it brahmana, or kshatryia, or vysya or sudra, follow the rules properly so that u dont have another blogger talk ill about such people ruining the beauty of the dharma they follow.
Magical Logical 20!
its winter already and it feels like i ve lived the 20th winter just yesterday, although a LOT of things have happened during the 20th winter and summer.
the 20th birthday was one of the most worst birthdays ever. i was as ill as possible, and dint have my birthday cake. eventually by winter i grew out of cakes. if i m right, its been more than 2 years that i ve had cake.
last year, i really loved the rains, i enjoyed them like an adolescent. this year i just hated it. i no longer felt any thrill in getting wet or driving the car between puddles.
winter was cold, and painful. a few things got resolved in winter, and some worsened. i welcomed the year 2010 with a lot of hope and expectations. had some surprises and a lot of disappointments. summer was one of the worst time of the year for its heat and other things.
overall, till today there has been a great deal of learning making it logical.
some miracles happened making it magical.
and when i place myself 365 days prior to today, i find myself so different today. i guess this is what makes a person an adult or a grown up!
and i now proudly welcome the 21st year awaiting lots more adventures
the 20th birthday was one of the most worst birthdays ever. i was as ill as possible, and dint have my birthday cake. eventually by winter i grew out of cakes. if i m right, its been more than 2 years that i ve had cake.
last year, i really loved the rains, i enjoyed them like an adolescent. this year i just hated it. i no longer felt any thrill in getting wet or driving the car between puddles.
winter was cold, and painful. a few things got resolved in winter, and some worsened. i welcomed the year 2010 with a lot of hope and expectations. had some surprises and a lot of disappointments. summer was one of the worst time of the year for its heat and other things.
overall, till today there has been a great deal of learning making it logical.
some miracles happened making it magical.
and when i place myself 365 days prior to today, i find myself so different today. i guess this is what makes a person an adult or a grown up!
and i now proudly welcome the 21st year awaiting lots more adventures
Friday, June 18, 2010
Le Prix du Pardon - The Price of Forgiveness
Le prix du Pardon- the price of forgiveness is a movie that i saw today in Alliance Francaise. It is an African movie with french subtitles.
I could follow only like 85% of the dialogues.
It was a nice movie. A movie where i learnt that no sacrifice/prayer can equate to hard work/ effort.
The only sacrifices that would work out would be sacrifice of laziness, sacrifice of fear, sacrifice of sleep, sacrifice of ignorance.
And with these, one would harvest wealth, fame, love, protection and every thing that you need to be contended in life.
Another thing that i learnt in the movie was that forgiveness is the best punishment for true love. That is the biggest thing your enemy "pays" to hurt/offend you.
Of all, it takes a woman to forgive- I am glad that i belong to the forgiving group of individuals in the society.
For all those women out there who fear to forgive- believe me its the most powerful punishment you can ever give.
I could follow only like 85% of the dialogues.
It was a nice movie. A movie where i learnt that no sacrifice/prayer can equate to hard work/ effort.
The only sacrifices that would work out would be sacrifice of laziness, sacrifice of fear, sacrifice of sleep, sacrifice of ignorance.
And with these, one would harvest wealth, fame, love, protection and every thing that you need to be contended in life.
Another thing that i learnt in the movie was that forgiveness is the best punishment for true love. That is the biggest thing your enemy "pays" to hurt/offend you.
Of all, it takes a woman to forgive- I am glad that i belong to the forgiving group of individuals in the society.
For all those women out there who fear to forgive- believe me its the most powerful punishment you can ever give.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
The Nostalgia
When i went to the temple in the morning before my classes, i saw the same children who were running around in bright coloured dresses seriously walking by in their uniform- evidently vacations have ended and school has reopened again.
It was really a nostalgic moment. I was reminded as to how i felt on the school reopening day. My school would generally reopen on the 12th of june- they somehow love that number 12-6. by the tenth of june, we would go to school buy the new books, a new uniform, new shoes, new lunch box, new everything as a ransom to go back to study.
The first day is generally a half working day. A new classroom, a new class teacher, same old friends grown up a year older than before, some grown more adamant, some really grown out, everyone equally excited and enthusiastic.
That was the only day in the entire academic year when i liked to eat a nice lunch, but as it would be a half day, i would return home for lunch. I don't remember even one day where i was enthusiastic about my lunch. As i said earlier in some post, that's perhaps the reason why i turned myself into a good cook. Well now there's lot of good food, but no hunger to eat it.(Life goes on).
The first day was the special day where my interest towards studying every subject was at its peak!
When we shifted to bowenpally, we started enjoying a thrill to scare every newbie coming in by explaining them the army style punishment of school when the hair was not well oiled, or nails were not trim, or the shoe polish(we were made to carry a cloth in our pocket to keep the shoe really shiny eternally within the school campus)
Then when we came to high school, we grew out of it and used to be amused at the way the elementary level kids would scare the newbies.
about 13 years of school education has finished 5 years back, and it all seems like a quickly forgotten midnight dream.
I have not been able to visit school after i wrote my 10th class exam. I am in touch only with a few friends who have been real good friends then and remain to be the same even now.
Today, theres a reunion- but i am not going to be attending it as i am uncomfortable about the location. And its just that i want to be left alone now.
I m really surprised as to how i dont miss myself in a school uniform, waiting for my bus, or running behind it when i almost miss it(reallly funny moments). May be it is because i have accepted my life now as agrown up going to work every morning, doing all things for myself and my home. I am now all set to see myself going to work typically in the morning and return back home with a lot of things to share with people.
Work has begun and i m enjoying it.
but the nostalgic moments of school bring about a long lost childish smile onto my face even today. that is just enough for me to cherish.
It was really a nostalgic moment. I was reminded as to how i felt on the school reopening day. My school would generally reopen on the 12th of june- they somehow love that number 12-6. by the tenth of june, we would go to school buy the new books, a new uniform, new shoes, new lunch box, new everything as a ransom to go back to study.
The first day is generally a half working day. A new classroom, a new class teacher, same old friends grown up a year older than before, some grown more adamant, some really grown out, everyone equally excited and enthusiastic.
That was the only day in the entire academic year when i liked to eat a nice lunch, but as it would be a half day, i would return home for lunch. I don't remember even one day where i was enthusiastic about my lunch. As i said earlier in some post, that's perhaps the reason why i turned myself into a good cook. Well now there's lot of good food, but no hunger to eat it.(Life goes on).
The first day was the special day where my interest towards studying every subject was at its peak!
When we shifted to bowenpally, we started enjoying a thrill to scare every newbie coming in by explaining them the army style punishment of school when the hair was not well oiled, or nails were not trim, or the shoe polish(we were made to carry a cloth in our pocket to keep the shoe really shiny eternally within the school campus)
Then when we came to high school, we grew out of it and used to be amused at the way the elementary level kids would scare the newbies.
about 13 years of school education has finished 5 years back, and it all seems like a quickly forgotten midnight dream.
I have not been able to visit school after i wrote my 10th class exam. I am in touch only with a few friends who have been real good friends then and remain to be the same even now.
Today, theres a reunion- but i am not going to be attending it as i am uncomfortable about the location. And its just that i want to be left alone now.
I m really surprised as to how i dont miss myself in a school uniform, waiting for my bus, or running behind it when i almost miss it(reallly funny moments). May be it is because i have accepted my life now as agrown up going to work every morning, doing all things for myself and my home. I am now all set to see myself going to work typically in the morning and return back home with a lot of things to share with people.
Work has begun and i m enjoying it.
but the nostalgic moments of school bring about a long lost childish smile onto my face even today. that is just enough for me to cherish.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Liberation!!!
Whenever I am out of a situation, I never rationalize it to convince myself that I m out because it was not worth me.
I have now been out of two situations which have something in common that it reminded me of my real self and showed me what I am and what my purpose here is. (I have had n number of disappointments, but by God’s grace I have grown out of it gracefully with dignity)
Now Google, I never expected I will go ahead when I even applied for that job. But I went till the top most level. But I did not get through. I felt bad, I cried- typical of a woman I cried that I am not there.
I will definitely not tell that Google did not deserve me. It is blasphemy if I say that. But what made me happy and convinced me was about the job profile. It was a profile that wouldn’t let me go ahead with my ultimate passion in the best possible way.
Another situation I have recently faced. Well, I cried again. The situation was a thorough contrast of what happened to me with Google. (Believe me the poem I wrote in despair about not getting a job in Google reduced my friend to tears). But deep within my heart in my conscience, I am happy that I have not cried for the same reason. I couldn’t help myself in the situation till I learnt that I have a potential Francisco D’Anconia life. And it is the best type of life one can ever live according to me. I am yet to live that life and see a john galt life. ” What am I trying to get out of life then?” I asked myself. “added trouble, pain and devastation” is what my mind voice told me.
I have kind of a paused a good going Francisco life. But now with the resources that I have with me which I can utilize for the best, I am going to life well. After all the cliché really means itself by saying “Its one life to live!”
If I am to answer a question that I had once asked “what is the greatest thing you learnt from an enemy?” (In the depth of troubles, I forgot that I was the one who at once asked such a bold question)
“From the events, I learn my ultimate purpose of life. And that life hasn’t given up on me. Life is waiting, to be with it the way I want- Like Francisco of Atlas Shrugged.”
I have now been out of two situations which have something in common that it reminded me of my real self and showed me what I am and what my purpose here is. (I have had n number of disappointments, but by God’s grace I have grown out of it gracefully with dignity)
Now Google, I never expected I will go ahead when I even applied for that job. But I went till the top most level. But I did not get through. I felt bad, I cried- typical of a woman I cried that I am not there.
I will definitely not tell that Google did not deserve me. It is blasphemy if I say that. But what made me happy and convinced me was about the job profile. It was a profile that wouldn’t let me go ahead with my ultimate passion in the best possible way.
Another situation I have recently faced. Well, I cried again. The situation was a thorough contrast of what happened to me with Google. (Believe me the poem I wrote in despair about not getting a job in Google reduced my friend to tears). But deep within my heart in my conscience, I am happy that I have not cried for the same reason. I couldn’t help myself in the situation till I learnt that I have a potential Francisco D’Anconia life. And it is the best type of life one can ever live according to me. I am yet to live that life and see a john galt life. ” What am I trying to get out of life then?” I asked myself. “added trouble, pain and devastation” is what my mind voice told me.
I have kind of a paused a good going Francisco life. But now with the resources that I have with me which I can utilize for the best, I am going to life well. After all the cliché really means itself by saying “Its one life to live!”
If I am to answer a question that I had once asked “what is the greatest thing you learnt from an enemy?” (In the depth of troubles, I forgot that I was the one who at once asked such a bold question)
“From the events, I learn my ultimate purpose of life. And that life hasn’t given up on me. Life is waiting, to be with it the way I want- Like Francisco of Atlas Shrugged.”
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Career!!!!
Alright, I am here with news to confront!
i have shifted myself from biotech field to French!
The day i made this decision i was already a major and i knew my duties and responsiblities in life when i made this decision.
My main goal in this field happens to see myself as a professor, and on my way there, i will be interacting my level best with the language in every possible way. It will surely take me sometime to settle down and establish myself comfortably. It cannot be rapid and sudden and i will let it take its time. For no system in the existence can accept anything sudden.
Yesterday i was talking out to my baba brother about the sad and upsetting things at my end and i had french as my only solace to share some good piece of news from my end. this brother of mine is a tamilian like me who is from hubli/pune. he was very happy that i am doing a really good thing.
then we were talking about using the keyboard to write french online. then we were talking about the time somewhere in the 1970s where tamilians revolted against hindi. that bit of conversation did not let me sleep all night. it ignited that spark of thought in me as to how all it led me to trouble.
today on my way back home from classes, i spoke to an old lady in the apartment who is like a grandmother to me. i happened to tell her about french, and she was happy too. she was sharing some interesting facts from her side. and believe me she is a lady who ignites a forest fire of thoughts inside my head.
about my career option, i ve told about 12 people till now. 5 of them are people who are natives of chennai, and 3 of them are people who are not natives of chennai but kinda settled there for their own reasons. the rest are hyderabadis besides my baba brother. Everyone were really excited about my decision. One of the hyderabadi was ready to sponsor me a trip to France for me to explore more and more of it. obviously these people knew what i could do, and knew that what i have decided makes sense.
B-U-T.... 5 out of 5 chennai native folks have reacted bad and looked down at me wierd.
few of the things that i was said:
1 whats the point? why cant you do something like Mcom instead?
2 why do you want to study higher?
3 what on earth can you do with french?
4 are u nuts?
last but not the least, the question that shook my core and made me lose my sleep for about 3 nights, and peace for a few days (i am yet to recover from the shock of that question though)
* what will you do if you are unemployed at the end of this?
this question came in a bombarding way, and it shot me at my core that i really could not answer what i wanted to.
Today my conversation with my new grandma has me feel so confident. Believe me a lady in her 60s, knows so much about what all one can do with a foreign language.
i realized that how i can let my whole life radiate itself with french. well, apparently she says that one day french is going to take over english, and her grandson is learning french at the age of 3!
this person here is also a tamilian. But it was really shocking that tamilians in chennai are so shallow, dim and rigid. why is it that one cant think of using any talent well.
she told me atleast 15 things that i dint know myself what all i can do with french.
Being a tamilian, i know quite a few languages, where my first language in school was hindi, i enjoy speaking in hindi too.
But it is sad that a Tamilian in general is VERY rigid towards exploring a new language.
I am convicing myself that a tamilian who cannot accept his/her own national language hindi can never accept a foreign language.
At this point i am reminded of a wonderful story that i came across when i was doing my degree when we were talking about lateral thinking, we were told about a person got successfully well placed when he gave 87 uses of a pencil!!!!!!
No matter what profession one chooses, you must give your heart and soul to it and do it well.
My English professor told us this you can even chose to be a sweeper. but make sure that whenever someone thinks of cleanliness, they think of you.
This is a marked difference in the mentality of a hyderabadi i see compared to people of other places.
despite the many hyderabadi jokes where i d associate myself with, i am proud to be a broad minded, sensible, and an independent thinker- A Hyderabadi!!!!
What am i going to do now?-
i wont give a damn to people who don't value my deep inner likings, and will go ahead with french as it is the only solace i now have in my life.
so now, i m in love with my profession!
i have shifted myself from biotech field to French!
The day i made this decision i was already a major and i knew my duties and responsiblities in life when i made this decision.
My main goal in this field happens to see myself as a professor, and on my way there, i will be interacting my level best with the language in every possible way. It will surely take me sometime to settle down and establish myself comfortably. It cannot be rapid and sudden and i will let it take its time. For no system in the existence can accept anything sudden.
Yesterday i was talking out to my baba brother about the sad and upsetting things at my end and i had french as my only solace to share some good piece of news from my end. this brother of mine is a tamilian like me who is from hubli/pune. he was very happy that i am doing a really good thing.
then we were talking about using the keyboard to write french online. then we were talking about the time somewhere in the 1970s where tamilians revolted against hindi. that bit of conversation did not let me sleep all night. it ignited that spark of thought in me as to how all it led me to trouble.
today on my way back home from classes, i spoke to an old lady in the apartment who is like a grandmother to me. i happened to tell her about french, and she was happy too. she was sharing some interesting facts from her side. and believe me she is a lady who ignites a forest fire of thoughts inside my head.
about my career option, i ve told about 12 people till now. 5 of them are people who are natives of chennai, and 3 of them are people who are not natives of chennai but kinda settled there for their own reasons. the rest are hyderabadis besides my baba brother. Everyone were really excited about my decision. One of the hyderabadi was ready to sponsor me a trip to France for me to explore more and more of it. obviously these people knew what i could do, and knew that what i have decided makes sense.
B-U-T.... 5 out of 5 chennai native folks have reacted bad and looked down at me wierd.
few of the things that i was said:
1 whats the point? why cant you do something like Mcom instead?
2 why do you want to study higher?
3 what on earth can you do with french?
4 are u nuts?
last but not the least, the question that shook my core and made me lose my sleep for about 3 nights, and peace for a few days (i am yet to recover from the shock of that question though)
* what will you do if you are unemployed at the end of this?
this question came in a bombarding way, and it shot me at my core that i really could not answer what i wanted to.
Today my conversation with my new grandma has me feel so confident. Believe me a lady in her 60s, knows so much about what all one can do with a foreign language.
i realized that how i can let my whole life radiate itself with french. well, apparently she says that one day french is going to take over english, and her grandson is learning french at the age of 3!
this person here is also a tamilian. But it was really shocking that tamilians in chennai are so shallow, dim and rigid. why is it that one cant think of using any talent well.
she told me atleast 15 things that i dint know myself what all i can do with french.
Being a tamilian, i know quite a few languages, where my first language in school was hindi, i enjoy speaking in hindi too.
But it is sad that a Tamilian in general is VERY rigid towards exploring a new language.
I am convicing myself that a tamilian who cannot accept his/her own national language hindi can never accept a foreign language.
At this point i am reminded of a wonderful story that i came across when i was doing my degree when we were talking about lateral thinking, we were told about a person got successfully well placed when he gave 87 uses of a pencil!!!!!!
No matter what profession one chooses, you must give your heart and soul to it and do it well.
My English professor told us this you can even chose to be a sweeper. but make sure that whenever someone thinks of cleanliness, they think of you.
This is a marked difference in the mentality of a hyderabadi i see compared to people of other places.
despite the many hyderabadi jokes where i d associate myself with, i am proud to be a broad minded, sensible, and an independent thinker- A Hyderabadi!!!!
What am i going to do now?-
i wont give a damn to people who don't value my deep inner likings, and will go ahead with french as it is the only solace i now have in my life.
so now, i m in love with my profession!
Monday, June 7, 2010
Philosophical Gibberish
It has been ages since i have had the net working properly at home. Though i wanted to blog a LOT, i ve only been able to write some random gibberish and save them as word documents.
Now hoping that i will have the net working normally, i will write atleast one a day.
whats new at my end?
the same old stuff- disappointment. Nah- not bothered mentioning what it is. At the end of the whole thing, i realized that disappointments are not new to me.
as usual i spent a LOT of time on retrospection as to where i went wrong. (well i dint just face one disappointment in this patch of time)
i was pondering about events n situations out of which i was thrown out.
heres this new bit of philosophy:
you are thrown out of something under 2 conditions. you are either
1 disqualified or
2 overqualified.
if you are disqualified, you deserve the worst, and must take time to work really hard.
if you are overqualified, you should not feel bad for quitting, but for chosing the wrong situation.
Now hoping that i will have the net working normally, i will write atleast one a day.
whats new at my end?
the same old stuff- disappointment. Nah- not bothered mentioning what it is. At the end of the whole thing, i realized that disappointments are not new to me.
as usual i spent a LOT of time on retrospection as to where i went wrong. (well i dint just face one disappointment in this patch of time)
i was pondering about events n situations out of which i was thrown out.
heres this new bit of philosophy:
you are thrown out of something under 2 conditions. you are either
1 disqualified or
2 overqualified.
if you are disqualified, you deserve the worst, and must take time to work really hard.
if you are overqualified, you should not feel bad for quitting, but for chosing the wrong situation.
The Current Track
A typical stage of life I am going through- stuck in a crossroad. And when I was wondering with confusion as to which road I should choose, I came across this song from the movie “guru”
This is literally translated:
“I have been awake since long; let me sleep for a while. Where the night is still left, let the dawn set itself.
All the dreams that I have abandoned halfway, let me see them getting fulfilled again in my sleep”
I almost started this blog to vent out how I felt, but the current track spoke to me what I exactly need.
I am going to chase my dreams that I dared to dream when I finished my exams.
The characters of my novels, my guitar and a lot more things are waiting for me.
What I went through shall come on to me when the dawn sets itself after I battle out the darkness.
My dreams are the only ones that are going to protect me from nightmares- so I choose to be with them and fight the darkness by fulfilling them. Besides, it doesn’t stop with my dream. I have dreams of my parents unfulfilled, and that is my responsibility.
Reminds me of the lyric from a famous band ABBA in the song “I have a dream” “Pushing through the darkness - still another mile.” However long it goes, it is my life for me to fight it out.
This is literally translated:
“I have been awake since long; let me sleep for a while. Where the night is still left, let the dawn set itself.
All the dreams that I have abandoned halfway, let me see them getting fulfilled again in my sleep”
I almost started this blog to vent out how I felt, but the current track spoke to me what I exactly need.
I am going to chase my dreams that I dared to dream when I finished my exams.
The characters of my novels, my guitar and a lot more things are waiting for me.
What I went through shall come on to me when the dawn sets itself after I battle out the darkness.
My dreams are the only ones that are going to protect me from nightmares- so I choose to be with them and fight the darkness by fulfilling them. Besides, it doesn’t stop with my dream. I have dreams of my parents unfulfilled, and that is my responsibility.
Reminds me of the lyric from a famous band ABBA in the song “I have a dream” “Pushing through the darkness - still another mile.” However long it goes, it is my life for me to fight it out.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Mother's Day
The day began well today. I was pretty much looking forward to seeing positive things in future that i totally forgot that its mother's day today till i got sms from friends asking me to wish my mother. (what could make it get worse?)
I had been trying to expect the best - Prepare for the worst - Capitalize on what comes and make an honest effort to improve on yesterday that i totally forgot about today. Besides working on my projects, i had some more priorities to finish. By the time i could finish them, it was afternoon and i was exhausted. It so happened that today me and my mother had a historic fight. We never fought like this before (psst.. we fight normally like any mother and daughter would. but this time it went a little overboard. There have been times where people have asked us "u both NEVER fight is it?" and we silently smile at each other)
Then, i began to think about the opinion i have about my mother-
A taunter to make me rebelliously succeed, and an unconditional lover to keep me on hold within normal limits.
Its her taunts that makes me rebellious and successful- so she aint no enemy- even if she is i need her.
And of all things, i dont want her to change.
At the end of everything, i asked myself "is this what it means to love"
Finally i cooled the situation by getting her an ice cream after a hot day.
I had been trying to expect the best - Prepare for the worst - Capitalize on what comes and make an honest effort to improve on yesterday that i totally forgot about today. Besides working on my projects, i had some more priorities to finish. By the time i could finish them, it was afternoon and i was exhausted. It so happened that today me and my mother had a historic fight. We never fought like this before (psst.. we fight normally like any mother and daughter would. but this time it went a little overboard. There have been times where people have asked us "u both NEVER fight is it?" and we silently smile at each other)
Then, i began to think about the opinion i have about my mother-
A taunter to make me rebelliously succeed, and an unconditional lover to keep me on hold within normal limits.
Its her taunts that makes me rebellious and successful- so she aint no enemy- even if she is i need her.
And of all things, i dont want her to change.
At the end of everything, i asked myself "is this what it means to love"
Finally i cooled the situation by getting her an ice cream after a hot day.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
The Bold Dreamer
Its my independence day!!! how? my exams are Finally over :P
well it has always been such that i get so tired to even implement any few of the million things i think to do.
But this time i have really beatiful dreams- dreams ive never dared to dream.
may be i ve now dared because i am a grown up- a matter of fact arises within me "i am responsible of my own well being"
I have never been deprived of any freedom practically by my mother- but perhaps this freedom which i expect to get is like some liberation- a liberation as per me is a beautiful mix of happiness and freedon- that is doing things i like AND liking things i do. today is the first holiday, and i ve done one top priority yesterday already.
The best thing that i like about this new milestone is that i ve not noted down things that i want to do- allthough the number of things are even more this time. but they are all well registered in my mind. i ve never felt this happy that my dreams become my decisions.
I intend to achieve things that the superlative me might not be able to. (i compare myself to a superlative me- because i dont like being compared to someone else. comparing self to others and achieving that makes a person a "wannabe")
One of my main mission is to start singing again- something i abandoned long back. (presently singing ae aerthein aashiqui- Guru)
Coming to movies- i ve never seen more than one movie a year in a theatre because my mother never likes that atmosphere. it dint bother me much since i realized that she has her own rights to have her own likes and dislikes. and i ve not bothered much because i was always on an impression that its a waste of time. but some movies have proved that wrong. some movies have really insipred me. One such movie which i am taking as an inspiration and running ahead is Guru- by Mani Rathnam. The movie was released somehere in 2006, and i ve seen that in 2010- better late than never. (speaking about movies, i ve otherwise seen movies to understand the jargons of chennai folks- coz their talks are all based on movie dialogues! and it has been tough for me to actually get the context of their copy pasted sentences)
my interest in dreaming and to work to get it right comes from there.
I have a big project in hand that i am working on- for which i have to do further projects to get it right. Its a tough task, but a bold dream that make a beautiful reality.
Never trust anything, but just observe the wa things are going to get the hold. Just following that , i get to hear the song "i have a dream" by ABBA.
A note to people who want to start dreaming big- a small note- dream big,, but make sure it makes sense to you, then to everyone around you. You have a right to dream and a responsibility to see it works well.
Happy Dreaming to my readers, and wish you good luck
well it has always been such that i get so tired to even implement any few of the million things i think to do.
But this time i have really beatiful dreams- dreams ive never dared to dream.
may be i ve now dared because i am a grown up- a matter of fact arises within me "i am responsible of my own well being"
I have never been deprived of any freedom practically by my mother- but perhaps this freedom which i expect to get is like some liberation- a liberation as per me is a beautiful mix of happiness and freedon- that is doing things i like AND liking things i do. today is the first holiday, and i ve done one top priority yesterday already.
The best thing that i like about this new milestone is that i ve not noted down things that i want to do- allthough the number of things are even more this time. but they are all well registered in my mind. i ve never felt this happy that my dreams become my decisions.
I intend to achieve things that the superlative me might not be able to. (i compare myself to a superlative me- because i dont like being compared to someone else. comparing self to others and achieving that makes a person a "wannabe")
One of my main mission is to start singing again- something i abandoned long back. (presently singing ae aerthein aashiqui- Guru)
Coming to movies- i ve never seen more than one movie a year in a theatre because my mother never likes that atmosphere. it dint bother me much since i realized that she has her own rights to have her own likes and dislikes. and i ve not bothered much because i was always on an impression that its a waste of time. but some movies have proved that wrong. some movies have really insipred me. One such movie which i am taking as an inspiration and running ahead is Guru- by Mani Rathnam. The movie was released somehere in 2006, and i ve seen that in 2010- better late than never. (speaking about movies, i ve otherwise seen movies to understand the jargons of chennai folks- coz their talks are all based on movie dialogues! and it has been tough for me to actually get the context of their copy pasted sentences)
my interest in dreaming and to work to get it right comes from there.
I have a big project in hand that i am working on- for which i have to do further projects to get it right. Its a tough task, but a bold dream that make a beautiful reality.
Never trust anything, but just observe the wa things are going to get the hold. Just following that , i get to hear the song "i have a dream" by ABBA.
A note to people who want to start dreaming big- a small note- dream big,, but make sure it makes sense to you, then to everyone around you. You have a right to dream and a responsibility to see it works well.
Happy Dreaming to my readers, and wish you good luck
Friday, April 2, 2010
exams
here i am in the month of april where one should find me busy studying rather finds me blogging and browsing the net.
Why am i doing so? because my exams are postponed.
heres what happens...
i am first of all irritated that my exams start on the 31st of march and end on the 4th of may. and i m all the more engrossed about studying coz i want to get rid off it SOMEHOW and meanwhile daydreaming that in about 24 hours i would be relieved of one paper. then i get thoroughly bored, and like to do some reading from the net, i come online and first sign into facebook as a general habit to find everyones status message "exams postponed to the 7th of april"
i surely did not want to take this coz this happened on the 30th of march and dint want to go through an april fool...
i spoke to quite a few people who assured me that the news is not fake...then i did my duty of conveying the message to people about it- by then everyone had known it pretty well.
again in the evening, i got scared- i called up about 4 people and asked "are u sure that the university ot the city is not playing some april fools prank?"
heres what i thought it might be
- exam on the 31, and we all dont go the centre thinking there ll be no exams, and on the 1st when we read the papers we realise that we are the fools...
but well, it was not a prank. i m neither happy nor sad, but irritated... i just wish that the rumour of it getting postponed again doesnt come true.
well.... what would have happened if it really WAS a prank????
- april 1st would ve been the doomsday for a million people..
Thursday, February 25, 2010
25 random things reloaded
I cant believe there are at least 25 things that have changed in me. hence writing down those things that have changed.
1 Biotech sucks. Big time. Cant believe that I loved it so much from childhood.
2 I no longer believe in remembering people I forgive. Theres no point u see. My memory space can be used up for better things to come ahead in life
3 the philosophical side of me is crazily living an awesome life.
4 my mind speaks totally different things now.
5 I m not interested in tagging anyone along with this. Coz at this time, I m no ways interested in knowing even 2 facts about anyone. It doesn’t matter.
6 coming online is such a waste of time. Life is calling. Gotta live out, and social networking sites suck the time out of my life.
7 books are heavenly. Not a moment could be called a waste of time, when I am with a book.
8 most important thing, art forms of dance, music and photography are attracting me way too much.
9 seriously decided that studying is way far better than attending an interview for a job that has nothing to do with my educational background.
10 the sole reason u d find me reading things related to life science is because I want to get rid off it as soon as I can.
11 I ve started believing in savings. Although quite a lot of disasters have happened, saving is good. Although it needs some sense and care.
12. although I haven’t saved up something great at the end of the day, I can at least have some courage to get myself some things…… (don't want to mention more stuff here now)
13 I no longer believe in speaking up to people. Not even my best friend, I d like to listen than do the talking
14 I miss the talkative me at times though.
15 I ve been feeling nostalgic, and regretting for things that I ve abandoned in my past.
16 I WILL sing. No matter who is around me, I will sing. I ve resumed singing, and it has something to do with my past again.
17 I WILL dance. No matter how I look. Many people I know like me dancing. I like do dance myself too. So why the hell hesitate?
18 my apetite is as low as ever. Perhaps its now a little less than bird feed.
19 my interest in cooking is not the same as it was. I cook very rarely now. I find better things to do in life. Now that I feel I ve mastered cooking, I want to concentrate on other things in life.
20 my passion to travel is on an all time high.
21 I regretted that I m jobless. But now I m happy I m not placed in a company where I d work on thing which will take me nowhere even after 5 years.
22 I agree that I am independent, but reality of life is that we are all interdependent. I ve realized that
23 opportunities come rarely, and when u get one, use it to ur best.
24 I don't believe in giving excuses for anything. neither do i like to accept them.
25 get busy living or get busy dying. and i m not born to die.
Sheesh!!!!I HAVE changed. Changed a lot since the time I first wrote 25 random things about me.
1 Biotech sucks. Big time. Cant believe that I loved it so much from childhood.
2 I no longer believe in remembering people I forgive. Theres no point u see. My memory space can be used up for better things to come ahead in life
3 the philosophical side of me is crazily living an awesome life.
4 my mind speaks totally different things now.
5 I m not interested in tagging anyone along with this. Coz at this time, I m no ways interested in knowing even 2 facts about anyone. It doesn’t matter.
6 coming online is such a waste of time. Life is calling. Gotta live out, and social networking sites suck the time out of my life.
7 books are heavenly. Not a moment could be called a waste of time, when I am with a book.
8 most important thing, art forms of dance, music and photography are attracting me way too much.
9 seriously decided that studying is way far better than attending an interview for a job that has nothing to do with my educational background.
10 the sole reason u d find me reading things related to life science is because I want to get rid off it as soon as I can.
11 I ve started believing in savings. Although quite a lot of disasters have happened, saving is good. Although it needs some sense and care.
12. although I haven’t saved up something great at the end of the day, I can at least have some courage to get myself some things…… (don't want to mention more stuff here now)
13 I no longer believe in speaking up to people. Not even my best friend, I d like to listen than do the talking
14 I miss the talkative me at times though.
15 I ve been feeling nostalgic, and regretting for things that I ve abandoned in my past.
16 I WILL sing. No matter who is around me, I will sing. I ve resumed singing, and it has something to do with my past again.
17 I WILL dance. No matter how I look. Many people I know like me dancing. I like do dance myself too. So why the hell hesitate?
18 my apetite is as low as ever. Perhaps its now a little less than bird feed.
19 my interest in cooking is not the same as it was. I cook very rarely now. I find better things to do in life. Now that I feel I ve mastered cooking, I want to concentrate on other things in life.
20 my passion to travel is on an all time high.
21 I regretted that I m jobless. But now I m happy I m not placed in a company where I d work on thing which will take me nowhere even after 5 years.
22 I agree that I am independent, but reality of life is that we are all interdependent. I ve realized that
23 opportunities come rarely, and when u get one, use it to ur best.
24 I don't believe in giving excuses for anything. neither do i like to accept them.
25 get busy living or get busy dying. and i m not born to die.
Sheesh!!!!I HAVE changed. Changed a lot since the time I first wrote 25 random things about me.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
My mind again
A female i know is walking in front of me and says to my friend "i ve hated your group so much. you ve troubled me a lot!"
I say "OH! the feeling has been so very mutual!"
after about 5 minutes, she turns back and comes to hit me"did u just say that the feeling has been mutual?"
"did i just say it so loud that i ve been heard?" (feeling exactly like chandler bing)
now me and my mind voice
me: see she dint realise it was me who said it for about 5 minutes. should i have just said that and walked away? how would it have been?
mind: hit and run!
I say "OH! the feeling has been so very mutual!"
after about 5 minutes, she turns back and comes to hit me"did u just say that the feeling has been mutual?"
"did i just say it so loud that i ve been heard?" (feeling exactly like chandler bing)
now me and my mind voice
me: see she dint realise it was me who said it for about 5 minutes. should i have just said that and walked away? how would it have been?
mind: hit and run!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
The Second Boot :P
For about 3 days my mom has been facing some kind of problem, where I am acting as her receptionist. Every phone call, she reminds me what I m supposed to say. This reminds me of a story that my father told me when I was a kid. Well not to me directly, he was telling my brother in front of me. In this story we have 2 characters living in two floors of an apartment. The one residing on the first floor is a drunkard, and returns home late. He throws his shoes so hard that it wakes the guy in the ground floor. One fine day this ground floor resident goes up to him and yells at him really bad. The next day, this man realizes the repercussion after throwing the first boot, but the next day, he faces it yet. “You *&^%^, you kept me on a hold all night, I couldn’t have a peaceful sleep not knowing when you would throw the second boot, and let me sleep.”Many a times, we keep ourselves hooked into a situation not knowing when the second boot would be thrown, which would have been safely placed in some corner. Oh yes, anyone of you concerned as to how my mother is now, here is my answer: With my help, the second boot has been placed in its place and she knows it :P
Saturday, January 2, 2010
New Year Thoughts
2010! It’s the very first month, and the first new thinking of the year. I have been thinking of quite a few abstracts that I could define now. For most of these things take their definitions only by the way one perceives it. And the one looks at it, depends on how much they feel it means to them in their life. Here we go 10 abstracts that I define for the year.
1 Trust: the dirtiest abstract that u can lend on to someone. For trust, is the basic thing that you need to tell someone for them to cheat/ betray you.
2 Hope: not very enthusiastic about this. I have lost hopes in many things, but some parts of it still dwell in me. Thanks to Shaw shank Redemption, after I saw that movie, the way that line was delivered, well, may be I might try hoping for things. At least to get away from things if not get what I want. Let’s see how this works its way out.
3 Desire/ Ambition: desire is not meant to be thought over anytime after thinking of it the first time. Ambition is never to be forgotten from the first moment.
4 Love: a victorious feeling when the external wins over the narcissist. (Hasn’t happened yet.) and it will happen when you least expect it.
5 Sorrow: part of life. Learn from it or forget it. Don’t bother or let it bother you. It does its work of hurting you, once done, forget it, kick it hard and go on.
6 Decisions: make your own decisions for opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. Ultimately you are the one who is going to live with any decision made on some opinion. You don't just have a free will to make your decisions, but you also have a responsibility on yourself while making them
7 Dreams: a perfect time sucker. But yes, worth wasting time on it. It is at least better than wasting time on online social networking sites or pests. On a serious note, I believe that I have all the right to dream and should have the sense of not expecting everything to come true the way I want it.
8 Future: reminds me of what my preceptor taught me “we have forgotten out past, we are unaware of the future, lets live the present the way its is meant to be.” Besides some precise and short time planning, don't brood on it and waste your present.
9 Pleasure: pleasure is when I don't feel the anguish of sorrow, or get disturbed by anything that is not true. This is perhaps the New Year’s resolution.
10 Success: I read a line sometime before “It’s not a miracle to walk on a flowing stream of water or thin air, but walking well on the solid earth the way you have to is the real miracle” walking on the solid earth, balanced and poised, being independent without relying on anyone for anything is what I consider success to me.
1 Trust: the dirtiest abstract that u can lend on to someone. For trust, is the basic thing that you need to tell someone for them to cheat/ betray you.
2 Hope: not very enthusiastic about this. I have lost hopes in many things, but some parts of it still dwell in me. Thanks to Shaw shank Redemption, after I saw that movie, the way that line was delivered, well, may be I might try hoping for things. At least to get away from things if not get what I want. Let’s see how this works its way out.
3 Desire/ Ambition: desire is not meant to be thought over anytime after thinking of it the first time. Ambition is never to be forgotten from the first moment.
4 Love: a victorious feeling when the external wins over the narcissist. (Hasn’t happened yet.) and it will happen when you least expect it.
5 Sorrow: part of life. Learn from it or forget it. Don’t bother or let it bother you. It does its work of hurting you, once done, forget it, kick it hard and go on.
6 Decisions: make your own decisions for opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. Ultimately you are the one who is going to live with any decision made on some opinion. You don't just have a free will to make your decisions, but you also have a responsibility on yourself while making them
7 Dreams: a perfect time sucker. But yes, worth wasting time on it. It is at least better than wasting time on online social networking sites or pests. On a serious note, I believe that I have all the right to dream and should have the sense of not expecting everything to come true the way I want it.
8 Future: reminds me of what my preceptor taught me “we have forgotten out past, we are unaware of the future, lets live the present the way its is meant to be.” Besides some precise and short time planning, don't brood on it and waste your present.
9 Pleasure: pleasure is when I don't feel the anguish of sorrow, or get disturbed by anything that is not true. This is perhaps the New Year’s resolution.
10 Success: I read a line sometime before “It’s not a miracle to walk on a flowing stream of water or thin air, but walking well on the solid earth the way you have to is the real miracle” walking on the solid earth, balanced and poised, being independent without relying on anyone for anything is what I consider success to me.
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